Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
BondJayneBond · 10/12/2015 17:24

LeaLeander - I can't see posting nativity plays on YouTube working because of concerns about the privacy of the children and child protection.

What they've done at my DS1's school is, video the nativity play, and got it produced as a DVD that parents can buy. A number of other schools local to me do this too, and it seems to work well, most parents I know are in favour of this. Unfortunately it seems that the OP's school doesn't do this.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 17:28

Please be under no illusion though that you ARE just a number on a payroll and if the business you work for needs to cut costs and decided to make redundancies the fact that you worked hard to launch a new project will NOT be taken into account. The extra hours you worked will NOT be take into account. The fact that you worked when you could have taken time off to see your DD's first nativity will NOT be taken into account.

Any disaplinary action that you have had WILL be taken into consideration.

Just because it is MN it doesn't mean that posters have to automatically like robots think that everyone and everything should revolve around parents. To think otherwise is plain daft.

I also feel for employees that have to always cover for those that need time off for x y or z.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 17:29

Op in general is this manager fair and reasonable regarding requests for time off or a bit of flexibility?

Drew64 · 10/12/2015 17:30

Nottodaythankyouorever

I didn't say anything about disciplinary action and in this scenario disciplinary action is unlikely.

Bubblesinthesummer · 10/12/2015 17:30

2 - I'm really surprised on an internet site like MUMsnet that there is not more support for a MUM who is torn between work and her DD. I really thought you would all come down on the nativity side.

Many people are torn over many things. It isn't exclusive to parents!

timelytess · 10/12/2015 17:32

Oh, this is the worst.
Be ill that day. Stay at home and attend the Nativity.
One is work, the other is life

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 17:32

I would think walking out in the middle of a working day without agreement from your manager and in the mide of a big project going live would be grounds for a warning at least. Don't know why you think
otherwise Drew.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 17:34

I didn't say anything about disciplinary action and in this scenario disciplinary action is unlikely

No you didn't you were listing things that wouldn't be taken into consideration so I listed one that would.

Many posters have said it is a disciplinary matter no matter how much you may think it isn't. It certainly would be in my place of work and others I have worked in. In fact it has been in the past.

Someone else has said where they work it would be gross misconduct.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/12/2015 17:34

One is work, the other is life

Or looking at it another way, one is having a job and being committed to it, the other is risking being unemployed.

Shutthatdoor · 10/12/2015 17:35

Be ill that day. Stay at home and attend the Nativity.

On the day of a huge launch. After a big discussion about having time of.

As if work aren't going to see right through that plan Hmm

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 17:35

One is work the other is life

I have tons of stuff going on in my life that's more important to me than work. Can I just disappear anytime I like cos 'I've got a life'?

BondJayneBond · 10/12/2015 17:37

in this scenario disciplinary action is unlikely

How do you arrive at that conclusion?

In this scenario, OP's manager has said that OP can't go because the product launch means OP is needed in the office. If OP goes off in the full knowledge that she doesn't have permission, it's misconduct and a potential disciplinary issue. If she was to get caught at it, then it's entirely likely that she could end up with a formal verbal or written warning, even if immediate dismissal is unlikely.

Drew64 · 10/12/2015 17:40

Nottodaythankyouorever

No you didn't you were listing things that wouldn't be taken into consideration so I listed one that would.

This proves my point, businesses only take negative things into account when making these decisions.

As for the OP, although the title suggests she is going to go AWOL for a few hours the body of the thread does not suggest she will go AWOL, I'm sure that if she cannot come to some kind of agreement with her management that she will forfeit the nativity play.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/12/2015 17:40

I'm wondering if those that are encouraging the OP to go sick are the same ones that pull the same stunt when they get the Christmas shift.

Drew64 · 10/12/2015 17:41

BondJayneBond

OP's manager has said that OP can't go

Read the OP
"this really isnt the best week for this"

OnlyLovers · 10/12/2015 17:44

Goldenbear, the OP hasn't been asked to 'work extra hard*. She's just expected to be present when HER project goes live, for practical support and morale.

I find it hilarious that people expressing a sense of professional responsibility and saying 'Hang on, it's a very important day' are getting their posts described as 'macho posturing'.

those blinkered people who assume that family friendly only applies to female staff with small children. This exactly. I have a family and a private life too; it just happens not to involve small children with nativity plays or whatever.

Funinthesun15 · 10/12/2015 17:44

I'm wondering if those that are encouraging the OP to go sick are the same ones that pull the same stunt when they get the Christmas shift.

Probably.

Or insist that those that don't have children have to work. seriously annoying

Dipankrispaneven · 10/12/2015 17:52

Can you imagine that I means a lot to the OP and loads of other parents to see the first nativity play?

Well, yes, but when she took the job the risk of missing things like that was one of the things she weighed up. By taking the job she agreed to take the risk.

Goldenbear, can you imagine that it means a lot to the people who have worked on the project that it goes well and doesn't go tits-up because someone closely involved with it has chosen to bugger off? That maybe it means a lot to them to keep their jobs, and that they realise their ability to do so is very closely tied in to the success of the company and their department?

catsrus · 10/12/2015 17:58

My DC are all adults now. I got to some school events and missed others. My DC have never kept score of the ones I missed and held them against me. I find that a very odd concept - yet some people are obviously still hurt that a parent missed an event. If the parent chose to stay home and watch tv then I could understand the resentment, but if a parent had to work then I really don't get it Confused

ilovesooty · 10/12/2015 18:04

The sort of people advocating that the OP should feign illness are probably also those who claim their children are ill to enable a term time holiday.

SpecialLittleLady · 10/12/2015 18:05

I think your manager is being unreasonable, it's a once in a lifetime thing that you will never forgive yourself for missing. If you say you will be gone for the minimum time but if ut all goes wrong and you are needed you can log on / leave to help. I can't imagine it being an issue but if it is its not somewhere I would want to work!

var123 · 10/12/2015 18:06

Don't do it, OP. You've no right to this time off, so unless you can obtain permission, you'll be jeopardising your job which will have a much bigger impact on your life than seeing the nativity play. There will be others, and more important things to see.

Its interesting though, that you think your husband's work on Friday afternoon is more important than yours. I suspect your company doesn't see it this way and it might be wise not to communicate your disagreement on that point.

Not that it makes up for it, but you can always buy the DVD.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/12/2015 18:08

OP

Don't take a sick day. Lying is rarely a good solution.
Don't just get up and go if your manager hasn't agreed to it.

Sorry, but seriously it is only one nativity play. She won't even remember or care in a few years time that you weren't there. People miss things all the time. Way way more important things. Like arriving too late to say goodbye to a dying father because of a traffic jam. Or missing a child's birth because of work or illness. Or missing a wedding or a funeral...
And yet they eventually accept that life is like that.

If all you ever going to miss is a first nativity play, you will be a very lucky person indeed. With a job.

teacherwith2kids · 10/12/2015 18:12

I find the lack of evidence that the OP's OH has asked for time off interestuing.

The CHILD'S 'needs' would say that either parent (or a grandparent / friend) attending would be fine - but this thread, it is pretty clear, is actually about the OP's 'wants' instead.

Her work needs her - not every day, but on this specific day it really needs her. She wants to be absent - not on any day, but on this specific day. ON THIS OCCASION, her work's needs should trump her wants, if she really does have a vital role in the project. It doesn't mean that the work is family unfriendly - on 364 days of this year, the request would have been agreed, but on this PARTICULAR day it can't be ... and the give and take of family friendliness is not all one way...

zeezeek · 10/12/2015 18:16

As someone who works in healthcare research in the UK I can see where lea is coming from. When you get given the funding for a study you have a specific time period in which to deliver and are always accountable. Many studies that I've been involved with have only lasted 3 years - so very intense and you need people who are going to commit to working their absolute arse off until completion. Taking time out for maternity leave can cause major disruption to the study and cause delays. I have known of cases where funding gas been removed and studies stopped because key people have left and no replacement found. These are important studies that could have major impact on people's health.

I can totally understand why these women have seen an adverse effect on their career. It won't look good on their CVs if they have left projects before the end and I wouldn't and haven't employed people for that reason as they are giving the impression that they are unreliable and could put my project in jeopardy.

My employer, a Russell group Uni, is as flexible as it can be for all its staff....but if someone is needed, then they gave to be there. End of.