To just think actually you dont know, or youve forgotten

[Dameshazaba]

I am still up tidying and cleaning. I am by no means the mummy martyr. This is just simply the amount of shit that needs to be done after a weekend. I work 3.5, dh full time and this is just the fact of the matter if you want your kids to arrive at school with clean clothes, having eaten home cooked meals over the weekend, having gone to a kids party and done an activity. We have not even had a social engagement of any sort all weekend, unless you count buying the Xmas tree and decorating it. I am literally just doing the basics. I am exhausted with no time to myself except a bath this morning while ds was at football and DD napped. Friends who don't have their own family envy me my family time, parents and in laws want to see us more- I want to shout- come and help me with the fricking washing and cleaning!!! Just so I am not judged by every fucker!! Fact. Rant over.

It sounds like you don't have a support network op as you say your parents won't help you out. I think that is the difficult part we don't have babysitters and don't ever have evenings or even an hour away from the children.

We like to have a night at the travelodge individually when we are really run down and tired which can sometimes help you get back to normal functioning.

I find that if you can get food and laundry organised then everything else seems more manageable.

Food - shop and menu plan on one of your days off. For busy weekends choose a one pot dish/one tray in the oven type of dish. It's quick with less washing up.
There are loads of good recipes on the bbcgoodfood site.

Clothes - try to have no laundry over the weekend. Do as much as you can during the week. Do uniforms Friday night.

Get everyone else in the family doing chores.

I sympathise, but I think either you have high standards compared with me not difficult to do or that maybe your DH doesn't do as much as you. We both work FT and have 2 under 5 so getting them fed, clean and clothed is the priority. I'm not going to tell you how (in)frequently we change the sheets because you'd faint!

It does feel relentless.

I know what you mean Op. I don't clean till midnight but if I wanted my house actually tidy it would have taken that long. As it us, I manage to keep it sanitary but there are piles of stuff, clean washing etc etc all over the place, which does depress me, but I am getting no sleep at the moment, dh us I'll and need to save my energy for running around after the kids or I just feel dizzy and faint. I think some houses might be easier to keep on top of than others too. Mine is a victorian terrace that we did up on a budget and things like the skirting boards just attract grime, whereas other houses I have lived in seemed easier to keep on top of. I also have far too much stuff and little storage even in a decent sized house. Nowhere just to bung stuff so it's out of the way without sorting it. Some people also have cleaners, remember, when you're giving yourself a hard time.

Actual washing I don't mind. It takes seconds. I don't bother ironing. Hanging stuff out and putting it away is a pita though.

You need a break. It can feel even more pressured at this time of year. Talk to Dh or gps about it?

It doesn't matter whose standards are higher as op isn't likely to drop hers over night. She will still feel stressed.

It's horrible to feel you've no time to yourself and you need to do anything you can to try to get some.

Wow people can be massive arses on here to people looking for support.

I hear ya OP.

I find I never even sit down on my work days until I go to bed.

Do you have any childless friends who are amenable to taking the kids out for an afternoon? We have no family support around either so friends have been a godsend. We use the time to either collapse or get odd jobs such as clothes-sorting, cat-flap-fixing, bathroom-floor-regrouting out of the way in a more peaceful environment.

Maybe the level of stress would decrease if you had less of a feeling of wading through stuff, so if you can carve out some time to purge cupboards/drawers of old clothes/toys/etc and then bus them out to the charity shop then it might help. I always feel lighter when some of the crap goes away - don't discount the time you spend wading through it looking for other things.

Wrt food: it doesn't always have to be home-cooked, does it? Sausages out of the freezer plus oven chips and peas counts as a perfectly adequate lazy Friday meal chez nous

I get it too OP. Some of my weekends feel just like that. I wonder where the time for me to sit and do nothing for half an hour went. My children are older though and homework and school activities throw us over the edge), and it's a busy time of year for us, plus winter makes me feel more exhausted.

Whilst there is no magic wand to wave away the main chores that have to be done, there often are a few little changes that can be made to help buy yourself a bit of time, either dropping your standards in one or two areas or changing the way you do something. Can you make a moment to sit down and write out the time consuming jobs and see if there is a smarter way to do them or a different time to fit them in so you can enjoy a bit of the weekend? Does your DP share the load on a weekend?

If you are up till midnight, not happily, then you are doing too much. Work out what you can stop, do less well or give to someone else to do. No shame in that, it's just common sense. You'd do the same at work.

The busiest person I know, who is always ironing at midnight or getting up really early to get stuff done, is single with no kids. She never stops.

You might not have been asking for advice though, so ignore what I wrote if that's the case. I'll agree it can be relentless and it annoying if you have friends and family in a different situation who judge. Ignore them!

I must admit that I stay up until midnight in order to get my doing-nothing time. DC in bed by 8.30, DH goes to bed at 10, I stay up until 12 just pottering about doing small jobs and STUFF I LIKE DOING. If I didn't push it until 12 then there would be nowhere in my day for that downtime. I'd feel a lot worse if I didn't have it, I'm sure.

I don't get it. Dp and I both work and get things done. If something doesn't get done I leave it til the next day, definitely wouldn't be staying up til midnight! Your dh should be helping too if he doesn't. I also recommend batch cooking and freezing. You can then have home cooked meals ready for when you don't have time to cook fresh. People always have something to judge you for. I personally take the ignore option!

Wrt batch cooking; it doesn't take much longer than cooking the normal amount ime. I also recommend forgetting the state of the house, leaving the kids with dh and taking a bath with a good book for an hour!

Thanks for all replies.... Interesting reading! Obviously huge thanks to all those who posted kindly.
Although I was more going for the who's with me, whoa this is a shock, love my kids but where did my life go, I do appreciate the advice.

To fill in a fee gaps in my op- I have 2 kids, age 6 and 1, my job is demanding, work 26 hours but I would need to do more than that if I ever want a promotion.dh cooks about 20 % of the meals , cleans the kitchen once a day , does his own laundry and I do all the kids laundry and all the house tidying. I do all the rest of the cleaning. Ds helps me tidy before bed every day, we turn it into a game and get all the floors tidy. He also puts his clothes in the laundry basket and helps me unload the dishwasher, bless him. No in law support, have moved away from old friends, trying to build up a bit more of a network of me mummy friends, but it's slow. Not great at time management if I'm honest .
So the advice is...

Dishes, clothes, floors.
Ohio - although not sure what this is?
Try to incorporate house stuff into the gentle flow of relaxing into it.

Any thing else?
Thanks again

You were out of the house at a children's party and also doing an activity. How many hours including travel did that use up?

We didn't leave the house at all yesterday and often have a whole day at home at the weekend. My mate feels as if she is a bad human if she isn't doing something amazingly engaging with her DC or doing housework. If you think you may be in this mindset be careful. When DS was little we used to watch Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow on Saturday mornings and eat breakfast in bed. My friend would have been up and have baked cup cakes with her DD and have cleaned her entire kitchen by then. It was a standing joke between us on how infrequently I cleaned my oven.

Some people also just have a natural speediness. Mine is vastly reduced as I am unwell now. I loathe all domestic chores and have always tended to look at it as a bit of a military operation. So preparing lunch, all items taken from fridge no to and fro to the fridge. I need to take x upstairs, I won't do it till I need to go to the loo. My house is above average tidiness levels amongst friends. Top tip don't buy anything unless it is really needed, stuff just doesn't get past my front door.

I made two phone calls yesterday, they totalled an hour. I folded up the clean laundry and put mine away and gave DH and DS their stuff to put away. I also peeled the veg for Sunday roast while on the phone.

Can two things be combined?

I clean my teeth and use a wipe to clean the sink at the same time.

Sorry this wasn't stealth help me with my housekeeping Aibu!!

I guess I'm signing about the high expectations I feel everyone else has for cleanliness, food cooked, activities done, amount of socialising etc etc.

Its like wife work with cultural expectations which are very demanding, and living costs ate high so there is pressure for both to work and get promoted in order to have the cash to keep the show on the road. And we are totally generation rent, just trying to get by.

Love this tip-
I clean my teeth and use a wipe to clean the sink at the same time.

Try to incorporate house stuff into the gentle flow of relaxing into it.

Yep, that's it, my house is pretty clean and tidy at all times, I cook, I work, no ironing though - I never think "Oh I must do the housework" I bimble through chores in a relaxed way. So, weeding the garden? Not a chore, a pleasant hour with a cold beer as I potter. I spray round the shower with bleach spray every day, 2 seconds, same with a glug of bleach round the loo. When I make a coffee I wipe the kitchen counter tops, no bother. Uniforms washed Friday night, easy weekend meals. A pp talked about mind set and I agree, now I stop seeing the mountain of chores and just relax and get things done as they need it.

I feel the same as you op.

I never ever finish all the chores I should do. The only time the house ever looks like anything approaching reasonable is on a Thursday when the cleaners have been. But as they're shit and slope off early is never really properly clean.

No one helps without being nagged or paid. The 15 year olds can't even manage to shut a cupboard door or put a bowl in the dishwasher. I got up this morning and every single room is a tip. 3 towels on the bathroom floor, overflowing Laundry basket, empty loo roll just chucked on the floor. Every room the same. It looked like we'd been ransacked. I'm so bloody pissed off with the lot of them.

Massive pile of clean Laundry that needs putting away because they're all too bone idle to put their own clothes away. Massive pile of Ironing - how do people not iron? I would genuinely love to know how this could be avoided as it would save me about 3 hours per week.

I really need to have a serious word with the lazy lazy twats. I'm so bloody pissed off.

I am a lone parent with 3 kids - 13,11,7 and I work 3 days a week

I leave the house at 7 and get home at 6 - I have to feed all 3 then and crack on with housework

I wash uniform every night - I tend to tidy, wash up etc as we go

on my days not working I catch up on deep cleaning (floors etc)

you need to get it done - I have everyone in bed by 9pm and this is when I sit down

weekend are never spent cleaning - except the usual tidy up after bed - we do other stuff and see our friends

you have 2 adults in your house - try and get it done through the week and on the 1.5 days you are not working - free up the weekends

The trick to no ironing is to take clothes out of the machine the minute the cycle ends. Any jumpers - give them a good shake and straight onto hangers to dry. All clothes get shaken out and hung properly. We never look crumpled I promise you, I simply don't buy things that need ironing. I have no time for people who iron tea towels and undies then moan, it is not necessary. Work shirts are probably a different matter but we don't have them, School uniform shirts are non iron. I think I may have an iron in the loft!

It is harder with little ones though ghost as you can't just forget about them at 9pm

how do people not iron? I would genuinely love to know how this could be avoided as it would save me about 3 hours per week

Just don't do it

Pretty much the only things that get ironed a lot here are the dc's uniform and dh's shirts. Which get ironed on an as-you-need it basis.

I can't remember the last time I ironed any of our day-clothes. Very occasionally I'll have a top that's a silky material that needs a quick iron. The rest - it doesn't need it. Don't overstuff the washing machine, use a good conditioner and hang it up/out as soon as the wash has finished - even leaving it an hour makes it crease IME.

I can remember having this conversation with my mum:

Mum: '...and I've got a massive pile of ironing tonight'
Me: 'Oh don't bother! I don't iron anything'
Mum 'What?!? How can you not iron! I can't stand creased clothes, they look scruffy'
Me: 'Do I ever look creased or scruffy? Because nothing i'm wearing has been ironed for weeks'
Mum: (Grudgingly) 'Well, no'.

There we are, point proven

helps me unload the dishwasher, bless him

Really? Bless him for 'helping' clear up after himself and his family?

Sorry, I know that's not the point of the thread but it did jump out at me. My DP and I both work full-time and then some (no DCs though), and I don't fall to my knees with gratitude if he does a bit of clearing up. And vice versa.

But anyway, I think 'dishes, floors, clothes' sounds like a good mantra.

The thing I find most wearing about it is the relentlessness of it. There seems to always be something on my list which should be done (even if I don't actually do it).

I work full time, have a full time toddler and dog and part time 8yo (shared custody) and am not a lone parent; my DH more than pulls his weight does more laundry and vacuuming than me. But it still feels a bit never ending. Add in something like Christmas and even when you're sitting down you're thinking about things which should be being done instead of you watching Netflix and doing your nails.