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AIBU?

To just think actually you dont know, or youve forgotten

160 replies

Dameshazaba · 06/12/2015 23:24

I am still up tidying and cleaning. I am by no means the mummy martyr. This is just simply the amount of shit that needs to be done after a weekend. I work 3.5, dh full time and this is just the fact of the matter if you want your kids to arrive at school with clean clothes, having eaten home cooked meals over the weekend, having gone to a kids party and done an activity. We have not even had a social engagement of any sort all weekend, unless you count buying the Xmas tree and decorating it. I am literally just doing the basics. I am exhausted with no time to myself except a bath this morning while ds was at football and DD napped. Friends who don't have their own family envy me my family time, parents and in laws want to see us more- I want to shout- come and help me with the fricking washing and cleaning!!! Just so I am not judged by every fucker!! Fact. Rant over.

OP posts:

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eatingworms · 07/12/2015 13:20

I totally get where you're coming from OP.
I feel like I'm finally getting into a good routine of keeping on top of the washing, shopping, cooking healthy dinners regularly etc, but it has taken me:
A) years of practice
B) finally got a cleaner
C) dropping to part time hours (24/week).
Otherwise I couldn't manage it.
Oh and the relentlessness mentioned upthread - YES! If I have one day where I'm not on the ball, we're drowning in washing and going to the chippy for tea. Well that's how it feels anyway. .....Cannot drop one of these balls I'm juggling.....

NeeeeNaaaaaw · 07/12/2015 13:36

It's about routine. I'm a paramedic and my DH is a fire fighter and we both work 12 hour shifts 4 days a week and DH is often on call. We have two DC under 4 but our house is spotless. It took a while to get to that point but now it's easy.

unlucky83 · 07/12/2015 14:11

When I worked full time Dp worked 90+hrs. A couple of things I found helped massively.
Always spend 5-10 mins a day tidying up before you leave in the morning and bedtime. Always wash up and tidy kitchen straight after meals (it takes 15 mins max!)
Try and do things for eg DCs as soon as you get them - so get them to give you any notes etc from school/nursery/ fee notes as soon as they get home - sign them, sort payment, add to calendar straight back in bag...stops it becoming a pile to deal with. (Also for older DCs a bag for every activity - dealt with note, kit when washed goes straight in bag ready for next time - if nec have more than one set of kit!)
Actually 5 mins or less is a really useful thing I picked up from here - actually it is from Unfuck your habitat - if something takes 5 mins or less just do it...it is a life changer. The biggest change for me was I hated emptying the dishwasher, would put it off, pile up dirty stuff waiting to go in etc - then I timed myself I can empty it in 3 mins -now as soon as it is finished I empty it - no excuses - I can do it whilst the kettle boils (and made sure I have plenty of space for the stuff to go away etc). When I don't feel like it I chant 5 mins or less to myself and do it.

Anyway I had a strict rota ..went out with DC and had fun on Sat
Sunday was cleaning and washing day...I did 90+% of the washing on a Sunday - one load in, one out...whilst I tidied, dusted and hoovered the entire house top to bottom - 3 bed it took about 3-4 hrs because it was never that bad because it was done regularly and we were out a lot -and every week I would do an extra (under the beds, tidy out a cupboard etc). Got DC to help and took them to the park for an hour or so in the afternoon.
Ironing was done on a Mon PM (I don't do it anymore!) but after DC in bed I would watch TV and iron (I series recorded a naff program and caught up with that!) it was all done and put away before I went to bed (and if DH is around you could get him to do bedtime whilst you do it - or get him to do it whilst you do bedtime...)
Tuesday night was shopping night (I had a good shoopping list with everything on and crossed off what I didn't need - and I got everything for a week - even milk and bread - I frozen them) .
Wednesday night was batch cooking night (not needed every week).
Thur night was house admin/my paperwork from work night
and Friday night was DPs business admin and sort wages night (I did the books for his business).
Also sort a meal plan and batch cooking - I had a monthly rotating plan - if you have one night were you are routinely back late you plan something easy - using your batch meals (eg bolognaise - defrost in micro, whilst boiling pasta, chop up some lettuce - done!), a Sat or Sun pm you can do something more time consuming.
When DC1 was very little and at Nursery I actually wrote down all the jobs I had to do in the morning to get out the door - to the level of boil kettle, make coffee! and then sorted them into a sensible order - no more traipsing up and down stairs, backwards and forwards ...I followed it religiously until it became habit ...it cut the time taken to get out by over 30 mins...
It is hard but it can be done...

Iwanttobeadog · 07/12/2015 14:19

we both work full time, DH doing bonkers shifts. sometimes we go out at the weekend and live in squalour the next week. sometimes we stay at home all weekend wth the DC in front of the telly and us trying (and mostly) failing to get on top of everything. regardless we still live in squalour

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 07/12/2015 14:39

I have literally no idea why you are spending so much time on cleaning and tidying .

But then I have low standards and a small house.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 07/12/2015 16:03

I think the key is routine, and not stressing if one night you do nuggets and chips for dinner or the dishes get left until last thing.

As soon as I get in from work, I run around for 20 minutes and sort things - wash up, put a load of laundry on, sweep floors and fold clean laundry from the clothes horse into piles. Before bed, I do a sweep of the living room and put all mugs/cups etc. into the sink. Everything gets straightened (takes minutes) and I make sure we never go to bed with the living room in a mess.

I work five days but one of my days off is midweek, so I spend an hour cleaning the bathroom, hoovering the flat and stripping the beds.

Remember, nobody ever died from the hoovering being left an extra day or the bed linen being left on a bit too long. Do the necessities and fit the rest in when you get time. And don't iron! Either tumble dry or hang shirts on hangers and leave to dry naturally.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 07/12/2015 16:07

I spend more time stressing over chores when I have fallen behind than actually doing the chores- the pain of procrastination and mild anxiety!

CakeMountain · 07/12/2015 19:58

TinklyLittleLaugh I thought your response, and those of many others were not very kind to the OP who is obviously struggling. This is supposed to be a supportive place, and lots of people seem to be giving a 'well I manage it OK' type response. Yes, I'm sure if someone had given her kids a big roast lunch, she too would have been happy with a sandwich supper - but you didn't mention that bit and the tone was a bit condescending as are many replies here.

BrandNewAndImproved · 07/12/2015 20:10

cakemountain you aren't a MN moderator. If you don't like something report it instead of trying to police a thread. Troll hunting and acting like a moderator isn't in the spirit of the site anymore then horrible replies which I haven't even seen so please quote and reference if they're that bad.

Op you don't seem to have it that bad, you only work one more hour paid then me although I do work extra as I don't have a choice really and I'm a single parent with dc who do loads of activities.Your dh helps out I'd love to have twenty percent of the housework done but I do understand the relentless you speak of.

Last time I felt like that I bought in two weeks worth of ready meals and did nice things with the dc after school to cheer myself up. Sometimes you just need to snap out of it instead of wallowing.

Grumpyoldblonde · 07/12/2015 20:24

I think I must be reading responses to a different thread on here, nobody has been unkind, obnoxious, nasty or given OP a hard time. They have simply told her their tips for keeping on top of things, made suggestions on making life easier and so on. Where are these obnoxious and condescending comments?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/12/2015 20:28

Cake I was very much trying to give a, "I've been away all weekend and done bugger all housework but I'm not stressing, why don't you just chill too?" type response.

My next post suggested that the OP break down her busy day and we all help her to be more efficient.

You seem a bit stressy about sandwiches for supper. Regardless of having a roast for lunch or not, the odd sandwich for supper never hurt anyone and is certainly not something any busy parent should be ashamed of.

CheerfulYank · 07/12/2015 20:57

It just never seems to stop. Things were perfectly tidy two days ago and then yesterday was nuts and now I look like I'm just waiting for the Hoarders crew to arrive for filming. :( You've got to go go go or it all falls apart quickly. At least my house does.

Dameshazaba · 07/12/2015 21:28

Yes I think that's the thing- the go go go of it. It would be nice not to think about it all, right?! Thanks all for comments. I don't have it that bad, but I was just trying to say when your not in the thick of young children and pressured work, you can't really get it. That's all [santa]

OP posts:

TheSecondViola · 07/12/2015 21:34

Except plenty if us ARE in the thick of young kids and work, and still don't get why you need to spend so many hours on housework.

Dameshazaba · 07/12/2015 22:11

Am I allowed to pull my trousers down, flash you a massive mooney while bellowing 'bully for you' upside down from between my own legs?!

OP posts:

TheSecondViola · 07/12/2015 22:13

If you like. You might as well show off your ironed knickers.

Dameshazaba · 07/12/2015 22:15

Rtft!! I don't iron! Bugger off and prevaricate on someone else's thread!!

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 07/12/2015 22:17

Pmsl :o

ghostyslovesheep · 07/12/2015 22:18

OP you must have missed the bit about when I was first a single parent - with 3 aged 6mths, 4 and 6 - and I went back to work 4 months later

some of us do it on our own - and I am also a bit baffled at the time it takes up for you x

off to unload the tumble dryer then head to bed - work in the morning

Dameshazaba · 07/12/2015 22:23

I honestly think people post on here because they want to get the wrong end of the stick

OP posts:

Dameshazaba · 07/12/2015 22:25

'OP you must have missed the bit about when I was first a single parent - with 3 aged 6mths, 4 and 6 - and I'

Yup sorry, zero fucks given

OP posts:

TheSecondViola · 07/12/2015 22:26

Nobody got the wrong end of any stick. You just don't want any posts that don't agree with you, and since this is aibu, it looks like you're the one that didn't quite get it.

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Dameshazaba · 07/12/2015 22:28

No...
That's not true. I enjoyed the debate until you piped up with your sanctimonious clap trap. Rtft!!!!

OP posts:

shutupandshop · 07/12/2015 22:28

Today 22:25 Dameshazaba

'OP you must have missed the bit about when I was first a single parent - with 3 aged 6mths, 4 and 6 - and I'

Yup sorry, zero fucks given

Wow. Wtf?

UmbongoUnchained · 07/12/2015 22:29

If you don't have any fucks to give OP then stop fucking moaning and get on with it like the rest of us mere mortals.

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