To just think actually you dont know, or youve forgotten

[Dameshazaba]

I am still up tidying and cleaning. I am by no means the mummy martyr. This is just simply the amount of shit that needs to be done after a weekend. I work 3.5, dh full time and this is just the fact of the matter if you want your kids to arrive at school with clean clothes, having eaten home cooked meals over the weekend, having gone to a kids party and done an activity. We have not even had a social engagement of any sort all weekend, unless you count buying the Xmas tree and decorating it. I am literally just doing the basics. I am exhausted with no time to myself except a bath this morning while ds was at football and DD napped. Friends who don't have their own family envy me my family time, parents and in laws want to see us more- I want to shout- come and help me with the fricking washing and cleaning!!! Just so I am not judged by every fucker!! Fact. Rant over.

Hmm, my house is a tip so you probably have different standards, but we always eat proper home cooked meals and I manage to stay on top of stuff despite working full time. Does your dh pitch in, or is it left mainly to you?

It definitely depends on standards. I had very high standards when dd (7) was a baby then ds (4) was born and most things went to pot. He didn't sleep, had very bad eczema and I had PND!

Now I clean my house twice a week, with a little tidy each day. Clean clothes for me and dc every day and do a declutter every few weeks. My house is clean and tidy, dc are clean and tidy.. no stress Two things I don't do are iron or cook from scratch..we don't have creased clothes and we eat healthy most days

I think you probably need to lower your standards op. I wouldn't mind living in a show home, but can't be bothered with the effort.

There are only three rules to my (and dh's) housework - just three things that must be done daily.

The dishes
The clothes
The floors

The dishes-We try and put things in the dishwasher as we go and put it on once a day, just before bed. If there's too much for one load then the left overs are hand washed, always. We never get up to a dirty dish. And when you wash the dishes you automatically wipe over surfaces/hob and such.

The clothes - we have one laundry basket in the bathroom and everyone is responsible for dumping their own clothes in there. When I have a wash load, it gets washed, dried, hung and put away.

The floors - the floors are cleared (sometimes cleaned) every night. This inevitably means picking up toys, carrying up any junk that's accumulated at the bottom of the stairs (is it just my house that accumulates a massive pile of bloody stuff dumped at the bottom daily?) and putting it in it's rightful place and so on.

Other than that - i'm not bothered. Junk accumulates on shelves and surfaces, dust builds up on nik naks and blinds - it accumulates until I have some time to do it. Maybe once a week, maybe once a month. The bathroom has a clean out again when we have the time but unless you live like a pig or have a dh and dc that smears shit everywhere, a bathroom doesn't get dirty enough to need bleaching daily (which is what some people seem to do).

I find that keeping this list of only 3 housework tasks to do makes it simpler in my mind and thus gives me more motivation to do it. So the basics are always met - everything beyond that is a desirable extra, not a necessity you need to run yourself ragged for.

Lovely advice, thanks summer. I think that's just about where I am - nice try think of it like that and try and do it daily. Hopefully I'll be chilled out older mum in a few years with a beautiful relaxed house- 5 years into parent hood and I still find the sheer amount of extra on top of what I would do if I were alone, quite shocking.

The dishes, the clothes, the floors - was advice I read on mumsnet a couple of years ago.

It's like a magical chant I do to myself and it chills me out. It takes half an hour a day (maybe an hour occasionally if my 'the floors' needs to include hoovering and mopping rather than just picking up toys and stuff).

It allows me to ignore the dust and surface clutter with a clear conscience until I choose to do it

I remember, OP. I'm sure my standards are higher than some, not as high as others. The majority of my Sunday's used to be spent in the kitchen, in order to save time during the week. Working +3 kids under school age and a partner away a lot meant that if I wasn't organised I'd be chasing my tail all week.

I will say though, the toy industry is a bloody conspiracy. They don't need all the shit that they have. I remember the day that we got a new washing machine. The house was tidy, and I got the kids some paints and they painted the big box. When it was dry I bought it inside and they payed with nothing else but that box and a bunch of cushions until they trashed it and I had to chuck it. then out came their toys again, one by one, to be played with for a nanosecond and then discarded! If I had my time again they'd have about 1/8th of the crap that they accumulated!

I never ironed, though. And my husband took his shirts to be laundered once a week.

Jeeze some obnoxious responses to the OP struggling

OP I get it.

-I am up at 6:30am to get our young kids dressed, fed and well turned out.
-My DH and I work full time and don't roll in from picking up the kids till 5:30pm
-We play with the kids for an hour while making dinner, eat around 6:30pm
-Then bath time (one of us makes lunch + organizes pjs etc), then story time - eldest is in bed somewhere around 8:30pm
-8:30pm - organize the bags for the next day, lay out the clothes, feed the cat....etc.
-sit down for an hour before going to bed.

I'm sorry if it's so pathetic to some that one might find such a schedule tiring even without working out every day at the gym (hmm). We aren't even at homework/full on activities age yet (confused).

Anyway OP my point is - you are not the only one who's tired. In real life my contemporaries who work full time and have young children are also tired. I don't think it makes you a martyr to be honest that this is how you feel.

We've been doing swim lessons/weekly shopping and any necessary visiting on Saturdays, then are staying home on Sunday's - no visiting (or visitors), no plans. Just unstructured time as a family. Staunch observance of that rule has really helped. I always get some good cleaning in, while still having time to play with the kids and relax/cuddle up with a movie in later in the afternoon.

I'm with you...feel like I'm always cleaning and never getting anywhere. I have waaaayyy too much stuff though...hoping things will get better if I can declutter.

Hi do you have small dc? Sorry if I missed your reply.
I actually found it easier managing everything when working full time. When I did 3 days a week it was harder and more muddled for some reason.

We have hugely d cluttered and hired a cleaner. Makes a huge difference

Tinkly it's supper not a la carte :) I don't blame you after that drive....
Others are right its time management. I do all the washing Friday evening for school (am a teacher) and one load a day (have three boys)
Defrost and organise next days meal before I go to bed -single parent and work full time
Use the calendar to juggle clubs etc. Being up at nearly midnight does make you a mummy martyr sorry. I am in bed by ten as have a crohnic illness that gets me up at five....

If you only work three and a half hours a day what are you doing with your spare time? Bit cheeky to post do you work when you hardly work!

Some people here are being contrary for the sake of it. I get it xxx

It will get better OP. When the kids were little I sometimes made a to do list in a diary each morning. I found an old diary in a drawer a month or so ago and I was exhausted just reading it!
I remember deciding to go out more at the weekend because the dcs could wreck a house faster than I could do jobs.

OP, I feel like you. Get home after seven each day after a full on frantic day's work. Teens, so straight in to checking whether they have any questions about their homework/ discussing who needs to be where the next day for their various activities. Stop at ten ish then always some cleaning/admin to be done, or work work. Can't go online during the day, too busy, so things like Christmas prep are done after 10pm too.

Weekends, a hundred loads of washing, cooking dinners for the week, cooking packed lunches for the week, driving DDs around, cleaning. Doesn't help that house is falling apart, so need to deal with that too.

Only time I feel we relax is after 7pm on Sunday, until the nightmare begins again on Monday.

We all pull together, but when both parents work full time, and children are older, it can get out of control. We are nowhere near perfectionists. But surely sheets need to be washed at least once every two weeks (weekly doesn't happen) and we need to eat - preferably mostly home cooked, and clothes need to be washed?

Sometimes I get up at 4 just to get everything done. And I am amazing at multi tasking and time management (!) so it's not that.

But something has to change, the pace and intensity of our life needs to change, with more emphasis on fun and relaxation. Just don't know how.

I think she means 3.5 days.

Wow. What nasty replies. I get where you are coming from OP. There is always more to do and at some point you have to stop and say "enough". The rest will keep. I think that the priorities of dishes, clothes, floor are good ones.

Oh you only work 3.5 days! So what do you do with your day and a half off a week?

I only work part time 25hrs a week and I don't have a husband to help me. I do what I can in the week so weekends aren't spent cleaning. It takes a bit of organising but batch cooking, easy dinners, get the dc tobhave school dinners especially if you and your dh have a canteen in work so it's easy meals on an evening.

In another job I've had I used to have Fridays off, I have never been that organised since. It was bloody lovely having a day to myself once a week.

People who don't work don't always understand op. I am at home at the mo and I am in leisurely mode. I really don't think I have been this lazy since my very early 20s.

Being at work is different and what helped me is being as organised as you can be. Get rid of junk and have a home for everything. Pay your kids to tidy if they are 4+ as even sticking stuff in storage boxes can help.

There's a book called 'The Manic Mum's guide to magnificent parenting.' It's written in a very accessible way and has lots of ways to cut corners. I'm always surprised just how much there is to do between work and parenting. you have to find ways so the chores don't take over, but finding the balance is hard.

OP does your DH do his fair share around the home / with the DCs?

Another vote for decluttering here it's changed my life. We also try to follow OHIO rule so if you take your coat off you have to hang it up in hall cupboard not back of the frigging chair same for dc when they lived at home teach them OHIO as soon as you can and train dh. I was worst culprit for leaving stuff everywhere and I just don't do it know Only Handle It Once it's amazingly time saving.

I hear you OP, please ignore all these superwomen who do it all with a glittering smile and still have time left to batch cook or whatever else people like that do in their tidy houses with all the chores up to date, with their oodles of spare time.

P.s I'm not one of them...I struggle with the never-ending chores as well.

I dont understand why ypu are finding this so difficult. Maybe your standards are very high. My dc are teenagers now, so both dh and i work ft. But when they were small i worked 3 dsys per week, did an OU course, did lots of voluntary work (school governor, Church official etc), went to the gym, took dc to clubs and we managed to have home made meals, clean clothes, and a clean and (almost) tidy house.

What worked for us was having strict routines eg putting dishwasher on at night, emptying it in the morning, doing packed lunches last thing at night, sorting put clothes and sticking washing machine in whilst dc in the bath. I used to clean the bathrooms on my day off and batch cook for the freezer. Dh and I did the other housework at the weekend.

Yes, sometimes it feels never ending but actually it is manageable. I became lazier about some things - school polo shirts don't have to be ironed, for example.

I suggest you make yourself task lists and break chores down.

Wow, I'm with you OP and I don't think you deserved some of the responses here

Agree with the dishes, floors, clothes rule. I think that's a really good way of looking at it, and I find that I do extra when I do these things all the time (like cleaning the kitchen, tidying DCs bedroom because of the sheer amount of crap she dumps in my lounge, hovering the stairs once I've got everything off it)
I also think some people are naturally just good at keeping a clean, tidy house. My mother is one of those people, I am not no matter how much she tried to force me into it