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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell someone about this 11yo girl's YouTube videos?

249 replies

ScottishGlen · 05/12/2015 23:21

My dd(11-yr6) told me today about a classmate of hers who puts videos on YouTube including showing off her gymnastics skills in her bedroom. Dd wasn't remotely concerned- just told me about the gymnastic because she is interested. I felt a bit uncomfortable about it so searched using the girl's name and surname on YouTube this evening. A whole series of videos from the girl's bedroom came up. All about gymnastics, school, dancing etc. Generally pretty innocent stuff.
However in one of them she is wearing only her swimming costume and bending, stretching and doing the splits right in front of the camera. In another clip she is proudly showing off a pen she won at school, complete with school name and logo. I feel worried that her clips can be accessed by anyone, have her bending and stretching without much on, have her full name on and her school.
What should I do? I only know mum by sight ( and she has a reputation for being a bit fierce) so I don't think I'd be comfortable talking to her. Talk to the girl's class teacher maybe? (She and dd are in the same class) Do nothing and keep my nose out?
I'm also in a dilemma about my DD. She clearly sees no problem with this girl prancing around on YouTube with very little on which worries me. If she knows I have "interfered" by telling someone about these clips she will be mortified and probably less likely to talk to me about things in the future.
Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated please wise Mumsnetters.

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 06/12/2015 23:43

atreya admittedly the child was younger but when my DC told me their friend had a video on youtube -encouraging my DC to watch it (and at the time I wouldn't let them watch youtibe unsupervised - I still wouldn't -some of the language and in fact the comments in general are not appropriate for a young child) - my first thought was does their parent know?
Couldn't approach parent (don't know them well enough) and also privacy might have been fine - so I looked for myself. I wouldn't have been happy for that to be my child and not sure what to do I asked someone with CP training...

Senpai · 06/12/2015 23:48

My concern would be if it's in her bedroom that her parents were not aware she was doing it. Otherwise, I'd assume she'd be making videos on public areas of the house.

I'd contact the school and send the video of the pen. She needs to be taught better internet safety before she ends up in trouble with the wrong people.

kungpopanda · 07/12/2015 03:45

The OP should mind her/his own children and own business. imo.

christinarossetti · 07/12/2015 04:16

Op is right. You either get what she's concerned about or you don't.

There are plenty of examples and explanations on this thread, if you do want to develop a greater understanding *panda" but I don't have the strength to explain the obvious in the simplest terms I can again.

kungpopanda · 07/12/2015 05:12

Oh, I get what the 'concerns' are, CRosetti.
But it sounds as if it is only the child posting the youtube material that is identifiable, so it is primarily a concern for those responsible for that child, whom the OP seems to be reluctant to approach owing to the mother being 'fierce'. If the OP were seriously concerned, then s/he could approach the school without their own daughter knowing, thus not cutting off the channel of communication as s/he claims to fear.

No dilemma or problem here that I can see.
I do realise that expecting people to mind their own business is a little too much to ask on MN Hmm

PoorFannyRobin · 07/12/2015 05:24

An adult has every reason in the world to want to view a video filmed by a classmate of his/her child, especially if it's filmed in that classmate's bedroom. I can understand the OP's tweaking on the gymnastic aspect of the video: how well can gymnastics or dance/exercise really be demonstrated in a child's bedroom? Children of the age group described are not emotionally mature and are very easily influenced by the desire for attention (aren't we all at one time or another?). The OP had no way of knowing what the content of the video might reveal, no matter how innocently intended. It made sense to take a look. There might items shown that would reveal personal details about the classmate or about other children which, of course, there were! The young youtuber might have filmed other students, might have revealed pictures of other students, might have revealed where her classmates could be found . . . ! The video might not have been appropriate for the OP's child to watch or for the classmate to have filmed and to have asked others to watch. OP, you were right to look and you did find a very big problem.

merrymouse · 07/12/2015 06:38

Ah the OP resurfaces. Why did gymnastics alone (no privacy issues known before you searched) make you feel so uncomfortable you decided to search online for a girl from your daughter's school? You never did say. I'm guessing that's what you can't explain to the parents also.

The videos are clearly about more than gymnastics and the OP would have know this from chatting to her dd. I know the technique videos you are talking about and they are very much just gymnasts showing you how to a particular move. Usually it's more than one girl, there is often a coach somewhere in the background and they are often in a gym or outside.

This is a girl on her own (who may or may not have any aptitude for gymnastics) in a private space talking about her life and sometimes doing some gymnastics or dancing. It sounds as though she is as much inspired by Zoella as gymnastics technique videos.

I would certainly watch any YouTube videos produced by children at my child's school out of nothing more than curiosity. Depending on what I knew of the child I might have concerns that they lacked the maturity to judge what is suitable content for YouTube. There are many videos of gymnastics on YouTube. That does not mean that every child posting a video of themself dancing in their bedroom or doing some gymnastics is posting suitable content.

Why doesn't the OP want to talk to the parents directly? Because she doesn't want her daughter to be identified as having 'told on' her friend. Also, as can be seen on this thread some people are very confused about Internet safety (e.g the comment about Colorado) and might pay more attention to clear guidelines from a teacher than advice from a random parent.

Why on earth would she be embarrassed about watching a video that is available for public viewing? Presumably it is posted for people including other parents to see?

You seem to be both arguing that gymnastics videos are harmless and that people should be ashamed of watching them.

chumbler · 07/12/2015 06:48

Definitely tell the school. You never know if they know more about this, and they can keep a record of it

christinarossetti · 07/12/2015 07:24

And that "kungpopanda" is exactly what OP said that she was going to do several pages ago.

atreya · 07/12/2015 11:31

Merrymouse Confused My question was to the OP, not to you, so quite why you've attempted to drip feed your guesses on her behalf I'm really not sure. Do go away and don't be so ridiculous. Your reading comprehension skills could do with a polish too a think.

The videos are clearly about more than gymnastics and the OP would have know this from chatting to her dd.
Nowhere does the OP say this. Her 'dd' daughter only mentioned gymnastics and wasn't concerned. Gymnastics (which she clearly doesn't understand, given the sexual and pejorative language used to describe said gymnast, leotard and exercises) making her feel uncomfortable is her only motivation given for searching for the girl.

We don't know about her aptitude for gymnastics, you're even going to speculate in that!

atreya · 07/12/2015 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

christinarossetti · 07/12/2015 11:42

atreya, I've reported your last two posts as you're making personal attacks.

Also, the opening post says that the videos are about 'gymnastics, school, dancing'.

Very easy to read. Very easy to comprehend.

atreya · 07/12/2015 11:52

She doesn't mention the girl talking about her life. Merrymouse made that up entirely. Quite why, I'm really not sure. Merrymouse also guessed at a fictional conversation the OP didn't mention having with her daughter as a reason for searching her out.

By all means report me for personal attack for pointing this out. Yes, it is bonkers to make up things the OP hasn't said and conversations she hasn't mentioned, and, yes, poor reading comprehension.

atreya · 07/12/2015 12:19

Usually it's more than one girl, there is often a coach somewhere in the background and they are often in a gym or outside.

The most popular videos don't feature coaches with the girls, coaches are not usual with girls. The channel with 30+ million views, for example, no coaches. The gymnastics is filmed in various rooms around the house, especially when they're younger, and they use a studio type room now they're much older.
The number varies. One girl is not unusual at all. It sounds like you've just had a quick search as you don't seem to have much knowledge on the subject.

Brioche201 · 07/12/2015 12:20

I know the technique videos you are talking about and they are very much just gymnasts showing you how to a particular move. Usually it's more than one girl, there is often a coach somewhere in the background and they are often in a gym or outside.
They are not the ones. There are lots (thousands)that are just young girls alone doing moves by themselves in their house or in the garden

merrymouse · 07/12/2015 14:12

A whole series of videos from the girl's bedroom came up. All about gymnastics, school, dancing etc

Was she talking about school through the medium of dance then?

atreya · 07/12/2015 14:15

Was she talking about school through the medium of dance then?

Care to fill in the gaps with more fiction then, Merrymouse. Wink You've made up other 'facts' and attributed them to the OP after all.

merrymouse · 07/12/2015 14:27

There are lots (thousands)that are just young girls alone doing moves by themselves in their house or in the garden

And if any of them are clearly produced without an adult supervising what is broadcast and controlling communication with viewers that is very worrying.

The fact that children can broadcast YouTube videos containing e.g. Lego reviews does not mean that every child posting a Lego review will be able to judge what content is appropriate.

You seem to be desperate to make this about the OP's attitude to gymnastics. However the fact that good quality content about gymnastics exists on YouTube does not mean that no child will ever produce an inappropriate video that is essentially prancing around in a swimsuit. Plenty of children and teenagers put inappropriate content on social media.

Remember that the OP both knows this girl and has seen the videos - we haven't. You might have found her comments about gymnastics offensive. However it doesn't therefore follow that the content of these videos was appropriate for an 11 year old to put online.

merrymouse · 07/12/2015 14:31

I'm not making up facts. I am quoting the OP. 1st paragraph, 5th sentence.

Also,opening sentence:

My dd(11-yr6) told me today about a classmate of hers who puts videos on YouTube including showing off her gymnastics skills in her bedroom

How is this not describing a conversation the OP had with her daughter?

merrymouse · 07/12/2015 14:39

so quite why you've attempted to drip feed your guesses on her behalf I'm really not sure

Because I think you have been unfair to the OP. On the other hand, if you are determined to take offence, good luck.

atreya · 07/12/2015 14:48

Because I think you have been unfair to the OP. On the other hand, if you are determined to take offence, good luck.

That's no justification for making things up, Merrymouse. The OP hasn't said those things, it is you guessing, reading between the lines and being creative with the facts. Not on at all.

atreya · 07/12/2015 14:51

You seem to be desperate to make this about the OP's attitude to gymnastics. However the fact that good quality content about gymnastics exists on YouTube does not mean that no child will ever produce an inappropriate video that is essentially prancing around in a swimsuit.

OP's use of swimsuit was corrected to leotard without objection and OP apologised for her pejorative language...well some of it. 'Prancing' was actually, and particularly, apologised for by OP.

Do you have any real point to make, Merrymouse? I can't quite take somebody seriously who is making up facts and attributing them to the OP and obviously has very little, if any, knowledge of the subject in question, i.e. gymnastics (as demonstrated by your posts).

You cannot justify making 'facts' up to suit yourself, Merrymouse. It's a bit odd really.

christinarossetti · 07/12/2015 14:56

Merrymouse hasn't made things up.

You're clutching at straws atreyaas, for whatever reason, you seem desperate to make this post about gymnastic YouTube videos and gymnastic YouTube videos only, thus missing the wider points.

atreya · 07/12/2015 15:05

Merrymouse most certainly has made up background, guesses and filled in the gaps for the OP, as I've already pointed out, Chris.

And my post wasn't deemed a personal attack up thread, only the brief post where I said was Merrymouse bonkers to deliberately mislead and misquote the OP etc etc (sorry for use of bonkers, Merrymouse)

I've discussed the gymnastics more than once, and the important (separate) issue of privacy. I'll leave you to read the thread again rather than repeat, if you can't cast your mind back.

christinarossetti · 07/12/2015 15:17

She hasn't atreya and your attempts to suggest this are laughable.

You seem desperate to throw a bit of mud to deflect from the concensus of agreement that OP has legitimate cause to be concerned.

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