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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell someone about this 11yo girl's YouTube videos?

249 replies

ScottishGlen · 05/12/2015 23:21

My dd(11-yr6) told me today about a classmate of hers who puts videos on YouTube including showing off her gymnastics skills in her bedroom. Dd wasn't remotely concerned- just told me about the gymnastic because she is interested. I felt a bit uncomfortable about it so searched using the girl's name and surname on YouTube this evening. A whole series of videos from the girl's bedroom came up. All about gymnastics, school, dancing etc. Generally pretty innocent stuff.
However in one of them she is wearing only her swimming costume and bending, stretching and doing the splits right in front of the camera. In another clip she is proudly showing off a pen she won at school, complete with school name and logo. I feel worried that her clips can be accessed by anyone, have her bending and stretching without much on, have her full name on and her school.
What should I do? I only know mum by sight ( and she has a reputation for being a bit fierce) so I don't think I'd be comfortable talking to her. Talk to the girl's class teacher maybe? (She and dd are in the same class) Do nothing and keep my nose out?
I'm also in a dilemma about my DD. She clearly sees no problem with this girl prancing around on YouTube with very little on which worries me. If she knows I have "interfered" by telling someone about these clips she will be mortified and probably less likely to talk to me about things in the future.
Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated please wise Mumsnetters.

OP posts:
millimat · 06/12/2015 09:44

But evidently the girl's mother is not, otherwise she would not be identifiable on these videos, theshitestuff

YesterdayOnceMore · 06/12/2015 09:45

I think the whole class/school needs more lessons on Internet safety. Not only is this girl over sharing, but your daughter doesn't see a problem with it either. I would talk to the school and let them deal with it.

I would also teach your daughter about Internet safety OP.

theshitestuff · 06/12/2015 09:49

What's the problem with her being identifiable?

theshitestuff · 06/12/2015 09:50

Is it that someone might see her, see she likes gymnastics, find her, and abduct her?

Because the chance of that happening is so slim

Children are far far more likely to be abused by someone that knows them.

This who thread is ridiculous

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 09:52

Attitude to women covering up

Fairenuff · 06/12/2015 09:56

Schools do educate children about this stuff but even adults forget how public the internet is, how photographs/film are there forever, how people use false personas. Even on mn there are people offering gifts and money when someone posts with a sob story.

Children just need to be supervised more closely at home regarding their online activity and to have very frequent reminders about internet safety.

theshitestuff · 06/12/2015 09:56

Quite brioche

She should stop 'prancing', she should stop doing the splits, she should put more clothes on

So sad

merrymouse · 06/12/2015 09:59

Might seem ridiculous but this is how adults groom children and why children are taught about Internet safety.

An adult could build up a relationship by pretending to be another child/gymnastics coach, commenting on the video, building up their persona by making comments about the school, local gymnastics clubs etc.

The only way to combat this kind of thing is to give children clear rules.

MrsKCastle · 06/12/2015 10:02

Theshitestuff it's not ridiculous. I had CP training recently and yes, it is true that most abusers are known to the child and family. But the two CP trainers between them had years of experience investigating paedophiles and they were quite clear that this sort of thing (pictures and videos of innocent dancing, gymnastics etc) does attract paedophiles. When men are arrested and found to have indecent images on their computers, they may also have thousands of these entirely innocent videos as well. They may post comments on the videos, share videos of 'themselves' as another 11 year old doing gymnastics, and strike up a 'friendship '. Apparently it's a common way for grooming to start.

So yes, the risk may be small, but it's definitely a risk.

MrsMook · 06/12/2015 10:03

I'd report to you tube and the school.

The package of a young child innocently in her bedroom doing gymnastics in revealing clothing, and being easily identifiable is a bad combination in making her an easy target for grooming.

I see it as different to something like a video of an anonymous organised competition.

It's sad that we do have to think like this, and the chances of this video having sinister consequences are low, but if it did happen, the consequences are terrible and worth preventing.

Other more trivial but likely consequences could be hurtful feedback / comments which would still be distressing.

btw, I teach Internet safety.

bigbuttons · 06/12/2015 10:07

Theshitstuff, I strongly recommend that you watch some of the brilliant ceops vids on tube and educate yourself about the dangers.

Fairenuff · 06/12/2015 10:08

The risk is small but it's even smaller if we minimise how much identifying information we make public.

LyndaNotLinda · 06/12/2015 10:12

This is exactly the sort of thing CEOP caution against - this is one of their educational films aimed at KS2 children:

Those of you who think the OP is being weird might want to watch it.

MrsDeVere · 06/12/2015 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TSSDNCOP · 06/12/2015 10:16

Isis like attitude

Are you trying that gem out for size to see if you can use it in real life? If so, really , really don't.

I can see why the OP has her radar on, and I don't think there's any issue in mentioning it to the school. To reasonable people it's a kid doing gym. To a predator it's a lot more with an identifiable.

merrymouse · 06/12/2015 10:17

How will it be explained without this little girl having to become suddenly aware that her body is a sexual thing and that overrides its strength and her skill and the fact she can do her gymnastics

It would be explained using the many videos and resources specifically designed to teach children about Internet safety. It is very unlikely that leotards or swimsuits would be mentioned.

Anybody who fears that their child's innocence might be damaged by learning about internet safety shouldn't be letting their child use social media.

Sallyingforth · 06/12/2015 10:31

I think the video itself is relatively innocent. But it could be enough for a pervert to follow her YouTube channel and watch as she grows up and posts more. For that reason I think someone should caution her mother about what she posts in the future.
The personal id is certainly worrying.

Original poster
ScottishGlen · 06/12/2015 10:41

Thank you so much for all the supportive, considered responses to my concerns and dilemma.
I accept that my phrase "prancing about" was ill-considered and I apologise if it offended anyone.
Brioche - your suggestion that my concerns are isis-like are hugely offensive and inappropriate. How dare you compare my concerns for a little girl to a murderous, extremist terrorist organisation.
I will ignore that comment and treat it with the disdain it deserves.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 06/12/2015 10:46

The point is that it's an 11-year-old girl, who has made herself and her school identifiable,

this ^

OP

talk to the school or as Any advises.

Kryptonite · 06/12/2015 10:56

The gymnastics is neither here nor there, its the fact that she has made herself and the school she goes to identifiable on worldwide social media.
Anyone on this thread who thinks it's fine to do that shouldn't be allowed on the internet themselves.
It's basic common internet safety.

atreya · 06/12/2015 11:43

The package of a young child innocently in her bedroom doing gymnastics in revealing clothing

It's called a gymnastics leotard, and is appropriate, practical attire.
The issue is not the gymnastics or the leotard, but the privacy, as has been mentioned repeatedly throughout this thread...

I see it as different to something like a video of an anonymous organised competition.

Really. An anonymous organised gymnastics competition! Hmm, you don't see many of those now. If you really teach internet safety then you should confine your comments to that, you obviously know nothing about gymnastics sport.

CharmingChampignon · 06/12/2015 11:54

I think this video really helps children to understand the issues re privacy.

VestalVirgin · 06/12/2015 11:54

vestalvirgin I would be concerned that an 11 year old wouldn't know what a paedophile is!

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but you used to give kids the "don't take sweets from strangers" talk without explaining to them exactly how pedophiles would drool over and lust after their young bodies.

Therefore, I am not at all concerned that a 11 year old would think "Wow, cool video" when seeing her friends gymnastics video, and not making the connection that it could be seen as sexual by pedophiles.

In my opinion, it is completely sufficient to tell children to never ever use their real name or address or even name of their school on the internet without going into detail about pedophiles. (Pedophiles, are, in fact, only one of the dangers of using real names online, anyway.)

LyndaNotLinda · 06/12/2015 11:58

VestalVirgin - that video that has now been linked to twice demonstrates that children actually do need to know why they have to be careful with personal information. Obviously it needs to be done in an age appropriate way.

Have you watched it?

CharmingChampignon · 06/12/2015 12:06

Sorry, took so long to actually post I've cross-posted Blush