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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell someone about this 11yo girl's YouTube videos?

249 replies

ScottishGlen · 05/12/2015 23:21

My dd(11-yr6) told me today about a classmate of hers who puts videos on YouTube including showing off her gymnastics skills in her bedroom. Dd wasn't remotely concerned- just told me about the gymnastic because she is interested. I felt a bit uncomfortable about it so searched using the girl's name and surname on YouTube this evening. A whole series of videos from the girl's bedroom came up. All about gymnastics, school, dancing etc. Generally pretty innocent stuff.
However in one of them she is wearing only her swimming costume and bending, stretching and doing the splits right in front of the camera. In another clip she is proudly showing off a pen she won at school, complete with school name and logo. I feel worried that her clips can be accessed by anyone, have her bending and stretching without much on, have her full name on and her school.
What should I do? I only know mum by sight ( and she has a reputation for being a bit fierce) so I don't think I'd be comfortable talking to her. Talk to the girl's class teacher maybe? (She and dd are in the same class) Do nothing and keep my nose out?
I'm also in a dilemma about my DD. She clearly sees no problem with this girl prancing around on YouTube with very little on which worries me. If she knows I have "interfered" by telling someone about these clips she will be mortified and probably less likely to talk to me about things in the future.
Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated please wise Mumsnetters.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 06/12/2015 02:54

School would be the best route OP and I think it's really nice that your looking out for the little girl.Better that an adult that can check knows than leaving it and the wrong kind of adult watches it and can tell what school the little girl goes to and anything bad ends up happening.

LucyBabs · 06/12/2015 03:08

vestalvirgin I would be concerned that an 11 year old wouldn't know what a paedophile is!

My dd is 7 and believe me when she is 11 she'll know exactly what a paedophile is and what grooming is. What is wrong with people thinking its OK to allow their dc access to YouTube and internet at such a young age?! Honestly I don't think there is a pervert round every corner but I won't allow my dc to post personal and identifying parts of their lives on the internet.

It's not about that they are wearing its about their vulnerability and innocence

chrome100 · 06/12/2015 03:16

It all sounds fairly innocent to me. I'd just leave it.

fuzzpig · 06/12/2015 06:14

I'd talk to the school. As you are (rightly) worried about your DD being upset if you talk to them, you could email them but ask that it's not mentioned to the girl/class that 'GlennDD's mum told us...' (I doubt they would anyway TBH but wouldn't hurt to ask)

Enjolrass · 06/12/2015 07:00

I would talk to the school.

I wouldn't mention the gymnastics videos. I would mention the fact that she has given her full name and school. It's very Identifying. My dds secondary school actually gave out information sheets on this subject. It's didn't ban them from naming the school, but made it aware they did not approve of it.

My dd and her friend have a YouTube channel in the friends mums name (who I know well) they make videos that do no have their faces in them. They are usually stop motion films of their hand drawing.

Both are aware not to name themselves, the town we live in or their school.

The gymnastics videos are neither here nor there tbh, imo. Its the identifying but that is worrying.

merrymouse · 06/12/2015 07:19

There are loads of gymnastics videos on youtube. It doesn't therefore follow that all gymnastics videos posted by 11 year olds are appropriate. If something about this one feels 'off' to the OP, she should alert the school and get a second opinion.

Bakeoffcake · 06/12/2015 07:47

As others have said, the fact she's identified her school and her name is the issue here. Speak to the school and they will deal with it.

GreatFuckability · 06/12/2015 08:00

My DD does put them youtube. With my total knowledge and permission. Because she's not doing anything wrong.
She also made videos at her primary school which were uploaded to youtube by the school as part of a community project.
I receive all her emails, I have her passwords for any online accounts so can and do regularly check her activity.

millimat · 06/12/2015 08:12

Safeguarding is such a huge issue atm and years 5&6 should be having lessons on digital literacy, esafety etc. School need to know as a pupil is clearly identified. They can deal with it without any names being mentioned unless they feel the child is at risk, at which point the safeguarding officer may involve the girls family.

HooseRice · 06/12/2015 08:21

Everyone online is identifiable one way or another.

Some people just have seedy little minds.

chillycurtains · 06/12/2015 08:29

It's nothing to do with the gymnastics BUT you must raise it with a teacher (properly not just a casual mention at pick up time) as showing her school and full name on is not a good thing. It's not that anything will necessarily come of this one time but it's that someone needs to talk to your DD's friend about internet safety, keeping her details private, etc. If she doesn't do this then she may have big problems in the future so you are being a friend to her. You aren't getting her in any trouble as she hasn't done anything wrong. She just needs to understand a bit more about the dangers of sharing information freely online. You could also ask that it is address in a class setting so that DD doesn't not get outed as mentioning it to you. I am fairly sure the school would be supportive as they cover internet safety.

HannahHobbins · 06/12/2015 08:35

There will be someone in school responsible for e-safety (I think coordinator) and there should also be a form to report things like this on. Definitely contact the school as they will be able to talk to parents.
One of the first rules of e-safety is not to ever give away information about your name or school etc so either their teaching is seriously lacking or she has missed key messages.

bigbuttons · 06/12/2015 08:42

The issue here is that she is identifiable? My year 6 class have just watched a ceops vid warning them about the seriousness of this very thing.

cariadlet · 06/12/2015 08:43

It sounds like the videos are very innocent and would be lovely to share with friends.

But children this age should have had been taught in their e-safety lessons that you need good privacy settings if you use social media and that you never post anything on the internet that makes you easily identifiable eg full name or school.

is a great little video produced by CEOP and aimed at 8-10 year olds.

I'd mention it to the school so that they can talk to the girl's mum, but you can be kept out of it.

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
ScottishGlen · 06/12/2015 08:58

Nooka-yes, that clip is the sort of thing, except that she is in her bedroom and is wearing a swimming costume.

Just to clarify, I have no concerns that this child is trying to be provocative in any way. Far from it. Part of the reason I'm concerned is due to her 11 year old innocence.

I am concerned that a little girl is producing clips where she is identifiable by name and surname, as is her school. Without wanting to be overdramatic there are people who use the internet to groom innocent young people. I just want to make sure my dd's friend is ok and that she understands how to keep herself safe. In doing this I don't want to upset or offend anyone, or blow it out of proportion.
I now feel that the real issue is with her being identifiable, not that she is doing gymnastics in her swimming costume (although as a mum of an 11 yo it still leaves me feeling a bit uneasy)
I think I will have a quiet word with the class teacher and leave it to the school to decide what to do. I will ask that my name is not mentioned so hopefully dd won't find out I've been "interfering"
Many thanks for all your thoughts.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 06/12/2015 08:59

I cannot see where the op says the girl divulges her name

The OP said that she found the videos by searching using the girl's name and surname which implies that the girl must also have used her full name when posting the videos.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 06/12/2015 09:04

Brioche, the OP has to review her attitude you say. Is that a typo? Or have I misread it?

MrsDeVere · 06/12/2015 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christinarossetti · 06/12/2015 09:26

As well as the obvious problems of the girl being underage to use YouTube, being able to identify her school and it sounds like the leave comments facility left on, I would be concerned about an 11 year old posting videos of herself on YouTube full stop.

If she has no awareness that posting videos of herself in a swimming costume to an global audience could cause her problems, then she's incredibly vulnerable to be using the internet.

Preciousxbane · 06/12/2015 09:31

I think some people are blissfully unaware of how many parents have not a clue what their DC are doing online. Because this is MN I always think we are more likely to be actually interested in parenting.

I was gaming yesterday and had an invite to talk to another player online and go on a mission. It was a kid who was about probably about 8. I am always horrified that people let their DC have chat access or just don't have a clue what their DC are doing online.

Fairenuff · 06/12/2015 09:38

I think you and your dh need to review your isis-like attitude

Weird choice of insult. What do you actually mean by this Brioche?

theshitestuff · 06/12/2015 09:40

What do you expect to be said to the girl? 'You'll have to stop making your perfectly innocent videos that you enjoy doing - some paedo might be having a wank over them'?

How will it be explained without this little girl having to become suddenly aware that her body is a sexual thing and that overrides its strength and her skill and the fact she can do her gymnastics

This article might be interesting to some of you. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/fatherhood/how-would-you-react-if-a-paedophile-took-photos-of-your-children/

The girl's mother and school should be educating her in the normal way about online safety. So there should be no issue

AnyFucker · 06/12/2015 09:42

Isis like attitude

What a fucking stupid comment

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 06/12/2015 09:44

Totally agree Mrs dv