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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my mum for buying a chocolate advent calendar for my 22 month old?

191 replies

BettyBi0 · 04/12/2015 10:30

We've always aimed for low sugar, healthy diet yadayada with our toddler and my Mum knows this.

Anyway, she totally hyped up sending my DD (22 months) an advent calendar which finally arrived yesterday. We opened one door and it had a chocolate inside. DD thought this was the best thing ever but then refused to eat her dinner later shouting CHOCOLATE! Want it!!! Ugh are we going to have this every day of advent?

I'm a bit narked at my mum for sending it tbh as my DD is still little and chocolate is definitely not an everyday thing in our house. I know it's spread over the next 21 days but there is about 200g of Chocolate in that bloom into calendar. I'd never dream of giving her a 200g slab of choc - albeit spread out over 3 weeks.

AIBU it would you think it's fine for a not even 2 year old to expect chocolate every day?

OP posts:
Excited101 · 04/12/2015 10:59

I agree op, it's ridiculous. Comparative to the size of the child, each chocolate is a decent size, why can't it wait until they're (much) older. There are many many other advent alternatives

Candycoco · 04/12/2015 10:59

I think lighten up a little. Your mother surely was just excited about doing christmassy things with your daughter. Don't be mean and blow it out of proportion.

Your dd is hardly going to become addicted to chocolate from an advent calendar and it's all part of the fun of Christmas.

Not letting her have it at all is only likely to make her want it more.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 04/12/2015 11:02

A small piece of chocolate per day isn't going to damage her teeth or make her chocolate, sweet craving addict.

Mine all had their's first thing in the morning before breakfast and that was it for the day. I was a bit of a 'meh' parent judging by some threads Smile.

As others have said, you are stressing .

APlaceOnTheCouch · 04/12/2015 11:05

Tiggy I'm laughing at the thought of the sound advice that could be placed behind the doors instead of the chocolate. Grin

It could be nuggets of MN wisdom:
Day 1: When you are older, gin is a good substitute for milk/water
Day 2: A chicken can feed a family of 4 for a week
Day 3: Never park in front of a dropped kerb (unless you want to be judged harshly on a MN AIBU)
Day 4: Toilet brushes are the work of the devil. Discuss
Day 5: Practise saying 'Did you mean to be so rude?' then use liberally throughout life

TheWitTank · 04/12/2015 11:06

I do think you are being a bit ridiculous over this, sorry OP. It's a very small bit of chocolate for part of a month, one special month a year. She won't be irreparably damaged, turn into a monster brat or become obese. It's a small treat as part of what sounds like a very healthy and balanced diet. Just be sensible about it and give her the chocolate after dinner when she eaten it all. If she wants more, you say no. If you object that much then throw it away or tell her it's one chocolate a week in the calendar, so you get one each Friday. I'm sure your mum hasn't gone out to upset you deliberately!

Daisysbear · 04/12/2015 11:08

I think you're over reacting too.

And I say this as someone who hates commercialised advent calendars.

PennyHasNoSurname · 04/12/2015 11:08

OP you are being bonkers, frankly. You want dd to have a balanced diet yet you are making a massive deal over a smidge of chocolate every day. Restrict it totally and she will crave it.

DS is 13mo and has two advent calendars (one bought from a family friend), so he has a door in the morning and, if we remember, a door after tea.

Moomazoo · 04/12/2015 11:12

I have a family member who is anorexic ... She restricted her daughter and didn't allow treats .... The daughter then when left the house to go to friends and family used to steal food and be really greedy because she had to get it when she could!!!!
She is now a very overweight adult !!!
A bit of chocolate won't do your daughter harm ...

UptownFunk00 · 04/12/2015 11:15

Of course YABU.

Eat the chocolate yourself and say your DC loved it :)

chillycurtains · 04/12/2015 11:16

YABU. I understand your point but no. It is a tiny piece of chocolate. It actually is a healthy way for her to see chocolate, as a tiny treat each day rather than a big binge.

shazzarooney99 · 04/12/2015 11:16

Oh my god!!! absolutely unreal! you know some people truly are ungrateful! i hope your mum never buys your child anything ever again! One choclate is not going to harm your child, in fact when your child grows up she will probably go out and gorge on it when your not looking! im so glad your not my daughter because youd be getting nothing!

jamesdeandaydream · 04/12/2015 11:17

My 1 year old has a milky bar advent calendar. Am I a bad mother?!

KeepOnMoving1 · 04/12/2015 11:18

Oh you are one of those aren't you. Time to get over yourself a bit. You don't want to make it a big deal but yet you are. Throw it away if it's going to cause your daughter serious harm.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/12/2015 11:19

You could try hiding the calendar, and distracting her if she asks for it - I think she'd forget about it soon enough.

Snowglobe18 · 04/12/2015 11:20

I wouldn't have considered one for my oldest at that age. My youngest is 2 this week and has one, I'm much more moderate now.
They get used to it being one a day after three or four days!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/12/2015 11:21

Calm down shazza. Bit extreme...

Enjolrass · 04/12/2015 11:21

Yabu. Especially if you are trying to keep things balanced.

Your dd refused to have dinner because of one small piece of chocolate?

Really?? If a tiny chocolate is that exciting, that she will go hungry. You are not practising balance.

SSargassoSea · 04/12/2015 11:22

Bin it FGS. When it comes to my DCs doing what is best for them trumps not offending idiot rellies/friends.

Quodlibet · 04/12/2015 11:24

I don't think she's being ridiculous at all.

I don't think chocolate every day is particularly appropriate for a 22mo.

I would be annoyed by a grandparent undermining healthy eating choices that you'd made for your child (we also have a 'naughty grandma' who thinks it's all jolly good fun to feed the baby cake we've said we don't want her to have processed sugar that young, and it's really fucking infuriating). Because our DD very rarely has processed sugar, when she does, she has a very obvious sugar rush and crash which is not much fun.

OP reading your second post about your mum's relationship with food, I can understand why your emotions are running high on this one. Your mum's mindset of treats and denials and charged relationship with food is a classic and unfortunately common one which as you've identified is a big risk factor for obesity. Chocolate advent calendars suit HER relationship with food, not yours and not the relationship you are trying hard to create for your child.

There's 2 issues here: practically, what to do about it. I'd suggest removing the chocolate tray and replacing some of the treats with e.g. raisins, dried cranberries. We do our advent calendar after breakfast as any sugar rush is least problematic at that time of the day!

Second issue: emotionally, how to deal with your anger at your mum sabotaging your food choices. This is a much more tricky long-term problem I think, but my approach would be making clear the boundaries that you are trying to create in your household wrt food, and requesting that your mum sticks by them.

I don't think you're being neurotic at all. A healthy relationship with food is a lifetime gift to your child. I'm regularly very very grateful to my mum for the attitude to food she handed down to me, which means I've never suffered from a destructive relationship with food and never had to watch what I eat to stay a healthy weight (yep I still would get as excited about sharing a pineapple as sharing chocolate ice-cream)

No, a little bit of chocolate won't kill you. But it's about the insidious attitudes towards food which are behind the gesture, and attitudes towards food can unfortunately have very long-term health consequences.

TheWitTank · 04/12/2015 11:24

An idiot for buying her grand daughter an advent calendar? Really Hmm

shazzarooney99 · 04/12/2015 11:24

PaulAnkaTheDog what a bit extreme is someone complaining about theyre mother beause she had the decency to go out and but her hild something, then winge about a child having a tiny peice of chocolate!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/12/2015 11:24

In the sales, ready for next year, buy your DD a wooden advent box calendar thingy.

  1. You can say to your mum "no point in sending an advent calendar of any type" without being 'mean' about it.
  1. You can sometimes put a mini chocolate in it, sometimes a mini toy, folded piece of paper with a picture of a fruit on it then give her that fruit... all sorts.
SSargassoSea · 04/12/2015 11:25

Quite amazed at enouraging a baby to think daily chocolate is a special treat. No wonder so many are obese.

I know all the what-does-it-matter types on here think it's ok but we do have a serious obesity prob. Imv no choc for tinies. No sweets for tinies. Common sense imo. Why start young if there's no need. And what about their teeth???? Daily sweets?????

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 04/12/2015 11:27

Yabu sorry but its a tiny piece of chocolate and it was nice of your mum to send it. Don't give her it if your that bothered and eat it yourself. If this is causing you worry come back in a few years when the sugar laden birthday parties start...

shazzarooney99 · 04/12/2015 11:27

SSargassoSea it is once a year.