Aibu to resent my dh for changing his mind about another baby

[Gretasmyname]

Hi there,
Im posting here as noone really to discuss with in rl.
Have three dcs. Always wanted four. Dh knew this and although he would have been happy with less (more like 2) he wasnt really fussed.
Anyhow, had 3 and number 4 was on the backburner a while for various reasons but never forgotten about.
Earlier this year brought up the subject again. Dh voiced his opinion that he thought we were busier than ever and had enough on our plate. Said probably would be happy to stick with 3 but would go with what I decided. Hes generally that kind of person.
So have been half heartedly trying with the intention of really making a huge effort. However had a big row last wk and he said he absolutely didnt want more dcs and only agreed because I like my own way.
Feel sick to my stomach.
Someone will be a loser in this..Please dont go hard on me and said I need to just forget it.
Im the type of woman that realky dwells on stufff and I wont get over this.

Oh OP.

I think Enjolrass has it with her list of options in her lasts post.

Since you aren't really wanting any more advice or opinions I don't think, I'll probably bow out of this thread now. I really do hope everything is ok whatever happens.

Enjol i asked similar earlier, but OP didn't answer.

Again,
I am curious Greta as to what you meant when you said ''It will be a deal breaker in the sense that I cant be okay with him.''*.

This statement has understandably given the impression that you wont compromise on this and would consider ending the marriage over it, or at least risking the end.

You've said a lot of things OP (most of it irrelevant to the problem) and your account has given the impression that DH has been easy going so far but has reached the point when he doesn't want any more DCs. IMO things said in anger often reflect feelings you are finding it hard to articulate under normal circs. For whatever reason.

Sometimes things really are as simple as they seem. He doesn't want any more kids. You need to suck it up or leave.

He has the right to change his mind. You have the right to leave over it.

Weather or not having no.4 is worth this fuss is something only you can decide.

She won't answer questions because she is so determined to follow her 'you are all lying and mean' routine.

She doesn't really seem to like to respond to people who are quoting her to back up what has been said.

Your sadness is possibly more about the choice you thought you'd have and then suddenly it's gone.

That would be the same if you had any children and wanted one more, even if suddenly you'd gone into the menopause.

Im not interested why othet peiple ckme to their decisions regarding a family.

Sadly you seem to be including DH in this...

I posted a well thought out, fair post which I hoped would trigger a thought of "So that could be why DH feels that way" or at least be a springboard for discussion. I was initially sympathetic as were several other posters but you have been angry and aggressive in your responses. What do you want us to say? LTB?! Because to be honest I think enroljas has summed it up succinctly - in all honesty you have to either suck it up or end your relationship. Having another child without his support and, now he's said he doesn't want one, explicit go-ahead, would be wrong (and I credit you, you haven't suggested this even in anger) so there are very few options. I can understand feeling let down and hurt but you are asking strangers on the internet when you need to be talking to your husband.

No enjolrass I will answer genuine questions.
I wouldnt leave over this. God no way. We have been together so long. I have a happy life.
I havent spoke to him this wk as we have worked opposite hours. Ive been 'off' with him I suppose and just spoken about normal things. No opportunity to chat really.
I will ask him if he meant it. I hope he didnt. I suspect he will say he didnt. However, I want to be sure he isnt just saying it to spare my feelings. If he is I wouldn't go ahead. I don't want something thrown back in my face in an argument.
To the poster who asked about the dealbreaker comment. Wrong word I guess. Deal breaker would be infidelity. When I say I wont be ok with him. I mean I will be off. Not on purpose. But I will find it hard to be nice or be 'normal'. Childish but true. Of course that wont last forever. I will move on. I dont think I will ever think 'ive made the right decision' though. Just settled for what ive got.

The poster with all the numbers for a nickname is spot on. I totally and utterly understand his reasons if he doesn't want another. God I even think the same myself sometimes! Its a busy life (mostly). Some days dead easy. Some a nightmare. But it was like that with one child. I like the hustle and bustle of family life . I know it doesn't last forever. Eventually, however many we have they will grow up. Every year gets easier, but then in a way more difficult with teenagers. But easier in a sense of freedom
Anyway I will see what happens when we talk properly.
Thanks to everyone who gave constructive advice or kind words x

And I guess I feel more upset because we were trying. As in,folic acid, checking for ovulation etc. God he was even saying "is tonight the night?"
Never mind.

I can understand, going from your last post, why you feel blindsighted by the change of heart.

Yeah thanks. Its silly I know but kind of get used to idea before it even happens.

You really sound like you've calmed down. Good luck with your conversation with your husband, it does sound as if you both need a heart to heart.

And massive hats off with sticking with the thread regardless.

Good luck.

Thanks. I was calm with the situation anyway. Just avoiding dh!
Lol.
Comments wound me up.

You didn't sound this calm at the beginning but you do now usually people abandon the thread due to the comments and you didn't.

I do wish you all the luck in getting it sorted out though, sometimes you need a bit of a snuggly heart to heart once in a while.

Thanks, thats sweet.

Talk to him, silence is not good and won't solve anything. It's ok for him to change his mind. It's not something to take lightly, Mabey the reality of it has hit him, and the impact it would make on your lives.

Sulking won't make him cave in but may make him dig his heels in even further.

Do you always sulk when you don't get your own way?

Come on people give OP a break now! She's come back and been humble and accepted that number 4 won't happen if her husband doesn't want to. But, given they were actively trying I think it's completely understandable she's been emotional and reactive about it. I'd be absolutely gutted if this were me!

OP...good luck to you. My DH sounds a lot like yours. He's laid back, supportive and a lovely husband and father. He also wants me to be happy because he loves me so I have to be mindful sometimes to check how he really feels. Perhaps this might apply to your relationship? And if you do go ahead and have 4 then enjoy it and ignore the doom posters. We have 4 and do more than 'cope' - we have a lovely life and my children are happy and thriving with plenty of parental time. They have a strong sense of family and are close despite some bickering! Let us know how it goes.