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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it unreasonable to trick her to go to school?

137 replies

Unreasonablebetty · 02/12/2015 09:56

I feel awful. Really. Really awful.
My little girl has been complaining of a few mystery illness symptoms over the past almost week.
She tried to tell me she had a throat infection, and told me symptoms that added up to a urinary tract infection- both of these things we've had more than a few times, so I took her off to the drs, she had a a tummy ache before these symptoms and has complained since of a tummy ache.

So yesterday she was off of school, she said it felt like a punch before she needed to poo, so I thought that doesn't sound too far from normal, but she then complained of a tummy ache but looked quite sickly last night before bed.

She woke up this morning complaining of a tummy ache again, which seemed to disappear when she was told she didn't need to go to school.
I then thought, if she's that unwell she's not gonna want to do anything.
How about bowling today I say? Yes perfect idea she says, or will it hurt your tummy?
No mummy that's a perfect idea.
I then gave her e clothes off the radiator and told her to put them on cos they were really warm.

We then got in the car, she had completely perked up and was acting like a normal happy unwell excited child, until she realised that we were turning onto the school road.

I was t trying to be horrible to her, but what I was trying to do was see if she stayed quite content with the idea of doing more in the day, because In my view, if you are happy enough to go bowling and what else you are well enough for school. And this way I could rest assured that she is infact ok, and I've not sent an ill child to school.

I just feel it was so bad to be so deceptive to her, and I'm still worrying that maybe there is something wrong.

I explained this to the ladies in the office, who assured me that they'll look into the situation with the teachers and find out if there's any reason for her to not want to be at school.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 02/12/2015 10:01

I think you did exactly right.

DancingDinosaur · 02/12/2015 10:02

Yes I think you were unreasonable Shock

Floggingmolly · 02/12/2015 10:04

What did the doctor say? Does she have a UTI or not?

FauxFox · 02/12/2015 10:05

Probably be good to have a chat with her after school to get to the bottom of why she doesn't want to go - tell her she can talk to you and you will help sort things out instead of pretending to be ill.

Don't worry - sure it will all be fine Brew

DancingDinosaur · 02/12/2015 10:05

Seriously she's going to school, or don't. Tell her that. But thats just sneaky. What lesson does that teach your child? How to lie? Poor kid.

witsender · 02/12/2015 10:05

How old is she? I think that was pretty horrible tbh.

WowOoo · 02/12/2015 10:06

I couldn't have done that. I tell it like it is to my kids.
Of course she's going to be happier spending a more relaxing day with you.

Don't feel guilty until you know how her day at school was. Might be the case that she's perked up and in retrospect you might find that you've taught her a lesson.

Agree with talking to the staff, so that they are aware that your child may or may not be poorly.

Branleuse · 02/12/2015 10:06

thats a pretty strange thing to do. She sounds very little. Maybe there are reasons why she didnt want to go in. Shes not going to trust you again for a while with such a big lie as that

dementedpixie · 02/12/2015 10:06

I think it was a strange thing to do. You could have just said 'oh well if you are well enough for bowling you are well enough for school' and then taken her. No need to trick her tbh.

BeanGirls · 02/12/2015 10:07

What age is she. That's an awful thing to do to a person/child.

DiorSausage · 02/12/2015 10:07

You were really horrible.

How old is she? Although I don't think any age is old enough to understand a parent being so underhand and sneaky. She might struggle to trust or believe you in the future.

Poor show OP.

Snozberry · 02/12/2015 10:07

That was a bit mean imo but I am a soft parent. You think she is making up the stomach pains? Could it be that school is making her anxious?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/12/2015 10:10

I know you feel bad enough and you dont need a stranger on the internet making you feel worse, but without being rude to you were a tad unreasonable. Sick or not what child wouldn't rather go bowling thasn to school.

SistersOfPercy · 02/12/2015 10:10

Mean I think.
DS was like this as a small child, his tummy ache would vanish and reappear and we (school included) all assumed it was just because he didn't want to go. His bowel blockage proved us all wrong.

How bad will you feel if she is genuinely ill?

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 02/12/2015 10:11

I think that was rotten to be honest. I can't see a good reason for ever doing something like that. How would you feel if you had been promised something nice when you were feeling under the weather and then, because you had perked up, suddenly found yourself taken to work?

SurlyCue · 02/12/2015 10:11

Confused how on earth did you get her out of the car? Mine would both have refused to go- they would have been so (rightfully) angry with me for tricking them it would have been an almighty row and i doubt i would even have been able to physically lift them into school. They wouldnt have stayed either.

How old is she?

Floggingmolly · 02/12/2015 10:12

Why don't you say what the doctor diagnosed, op? Crap thing to do either way, but if she's genuinely ill it's totally bizarre.

teeththief · 02/12/2015 10:14

How old is she? Good luck getting her to trust anything you say for a while. I think you were horrible for doing that. Yes she sounds well enough to go to school but why not just tell her that instead of pretending she was about to have a nice day out with her mum? Odd

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/12/2015 10:14

Stomache pains are often a sign of anxiety. I suffer with chronic anxiety which is often accompanied by stomache ache vomiting and itching, so I do speak with experience.
Do you think she could be anxious about school. It'd worth booking a meeting with her teacher.

witsender · 02/12/2015 10:14

TBH, if my kids dislike school enough to feign illness for days I am happy to have them home for a bit. I appreciate this isn't possible with work etc in many instances.

justkeeponsmiling · 02/12/2015 10:14

She will never trust you again.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/12/2015 10:15

Well she won't want to go bowling again anytime soon.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 02/12/2015 10:15

I don't understand what you achieved by lying to her tbh. She could still be feeling ill but the excitement of possibly going bowling was enough for her to ignore that she felt sick. You don't really know if she feels better or not.

I wouldn't have had a problem at all with saying to her, 'If you're well enough for bowling then you're well enough for school, let's go' But you deliberately lied to her for no good reason. I think that was pretty mean.

kyz1981 · 02/12/2015 10:16

I think it was horrible, my kids would struggle to trust me if I did this to them. i think you need to have a chat with your little one and try and reassure them when they get home.

SarahSavesTheDay · 02/12/2015 10:17

Of course this was unreasonable. You took the easy way out rather than just telling her that you didn't believe her and that she was going to school.

I turn a blind eye to a small bit of feigning as well. How old is your daughter?