to be fucking furious at this useless lump

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

I'm nearly 39 weeks pregnant and in loads of pain with my pelvis back bottom even fairy. I went up to bed at about 6 had a bath and a relax.
I've come downstairs and the kids (11 and nearly 9) are still awake. My daughter hasn't had a bath. He's done nothing. She also hasn't had any tea. He tries to blame her lack of bath on her 'I told her she needed one' and her lack of tea also. 'Well I asked her what she wanted and she didn't reply'
The living room which was immaculate is now an utter shithole. Is it my hormones or is he a bloody useless neglectful father who can't be relied upon?

I don't think he didn't realise it ended to be done. I think he was pissed off that the OP disappeared for so long without telling him she'd be gone for hours. I think he was passive-aggressively punishing her.

Not a man-child, just a dickhead.

Wolfie. There is no need for a woman who is 39 weeks pregnant to tell her husband she feels done in. He'd have to be particularly spectacularly stupid not to comprehend that.

Viviennemary Wed 02-Dec-15 10:32:29

I think people are missing the point here. Whether or not an adult needs to be told to look after his own children is not the point. OP's husband didn't do what she expected him to do. It isn't helpful to say your DH wouldn't do this. OP's DH didn't shape up. Is this a one-off or is it a long line of selfish unhelpful pathetc behaviour. Because if it is then it is no more than what could be expected on this particular occasion.

Do you understand what is meant by 'having a rest'?

It means not remaining 100% responsible for everything that goes on downstairs where there is one able bodied adult who manages to hold down a job outside the home and has done for 29 years.

It means being able to relax, feeling secure that your home will not resemble a bear pit when you return downstairs, and your children will have been fed, bathed and put to bed at the right time.

What you are saying is that unless women take full responsibility 24 hours a day 7 days a week for everything that happens in their homes then they can't expect things to get done.

I am amazed some of you are not reporting that you wipe your Hs' asses.

I agree with you Starling, that this was PA punishment for the OP - for daring to leave him with work that he felt was beneath his dignity.

'Do bedtime for the kids' Does one really need to do bedtime for an 11 year old over and above reminding them it's a school night? Last time I babysat for an 8 and 10 year old they just sorted themselves out. My 6 year old would have put herself to bed.

I am totally on board with useless blokes but at what age are children expected to take responsibility?

I agree with you on that, Tobysmum. I think the 11 yo should have taken it upon herself to have her bath, but he should have seen that they weren't doing it for themselves.

He knew they hadn't eaten because he basically asked the 11 yo to decide what to have. He should have noticed she hadn't run her bath. He should have told her to get herself bathed and he shouldn't have basically asked her to tell him what he should do for dinner.

I think many many kids that age would try their luck though wouldn't they? My 12yo would think "nobody's told me to get to bed, so..." Mine would stay up all night if I didn't chivvy them along! (Then moan they were tired next morning of course!)

Yes they would, and that is why a parent needs to be on the ball.

OP, how does DH feel about the arrive of your little surprise? Is he trying to ignore it? Sounds like he might be trying to ignore all his children.

Sorry, just re-read your post where you say that DH isn't too keen. Is this at the bottom of his behaviour do you think?

HE isn't too keen - he wants to go get the snip then. Once the deed is done its done and he needs to man up and stop being an arse. Yes he should have sorted them out no excuses. Just Fucking do it

Yes Math I know. I was just trying to counter the people saying "the kids are old enough to get themselves to bed".

Isn't too keen on what?

(previously posted on thread as AcrossthePond55)

I think the pp is wondering if perhaps your DH was 'punishing' you in a PA manner as he's not so keen on having another child. He's a real wanker if he is!

This child wasnt planned but we were both very keen to continue with the pregnancy. So he has no excuse to be a lazy prat

Which to be fair he hasnt the past couple of nights as hes had no choice but to do all the running around and shit jobs I cant due to this horrendous false labour business im going through

If you have been having false labour as well it is really shocking that he didn't come check on you when you disappeared for four hours!

To be fair to your dh, is there any chance he didn't realise they hadn't eaten? If I came home at six I would assume their dinner would either be on or already eaten. Do you generally eat late? My kids are small so six would be late for them though.

In terms of communication, I would probably have just said I'm going for a bath/rest, you're in charge and assume that would be enough to let him know to take over. I wouldn't give detailed minute by minute instructions though like I would if grandparents were babysitting but would expect some things to be done "wrong" as a result

Wolfie. Ignore the ones that are cornering you. They obviously get off on not communicating with their partner. You are right - a simple comment of can you sort this and that out may have helped the situation.

Sounds like he is being a bit useless but aren't we all on occasion. Is he always like this? We don't know if there is any sub context to this. Had he been at work since 5 am and accidentally fell asleep? Did he just ignore the kids? There are different things that could be reasons why he did nothing - not saying it is right but as normal the leave him brigade are shouting loudly.

Get off on not communicating with their partner?

Yeah, ok.

In terms of communication, I would probably have just said I'm going for a bath/rest, you're in charge and assume that would be enough to let him know to take over. I wouldn't give detailed minute by minute instructions though like I would if grandparents were babysitting but would expect some things to be done "wrong" as a result

Could be that OP intended to come back but after the bath didn't feel up to it & that's why she didn't say anything. All I know is that if I don't reappear after a bit, whether or not I have announced my intentions, DH comes looking for me to make sure I'm OK. As I do for him. The upshot of making sure one's spouse is OK is usually a discussion of what needs doing in the house if that spouse is feeling poorly.

OP's DH sitting on his arse rather than checking on her is, imo, what the real problem is.