to be fucking furious at this useless lump

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

I'm nearly 39 weeks pregnant and in loads of pain with my pelvis back bottom even fairy. I went up to bed at about 6 had a bath and a relax.
I've come downstairs and the kids (11 and nearly 9) are still awake. My daughter hasn't had a bath. He's done nothing. She also hasn't had any tea. He tries to blame her lack of bath on her 'I told her she needed one' and her lack of tea also. 'Well I asked her what she wanted and she didn't reply'
The living room which was immaculate is now an utter shithole. Is it my hormones or is he a bloody useless neglectful father who can't be relied upon?

It's not being clueless it's being fucking lazy and expecting others to do the boring bits of family life.

If he can feed himself and recognise he needs to go to bed then he can fucking well recognise that other humans have the same basic needs!

There is no excuse, OP YANBU and I don't blame you for exploding

Nope not doing it. The giving clear instructions thing. He is an adult and we are supposed to be equal partners.
This thread has really opened my eyes and empowered me as to how little some people expect of their husbands and how they allow them to behave.
The ultimatum has been given and I 100% mean it. I will go it alone. If another evening or even day like this occurs when I need his support and he lets me down I will rely on myself and teach my kids never to settle for second best.
Thanks for all your help

He could have even phoned a take away home delivery. I had this at one time in my life. I was having a late baby worked right up to the day I went into hospital to have the baby while the ex did nothing not even driving the car to the hospital. He did not last long. Once I realised that the baby's ability to "earn" child allowance was far higher than the ex's input he was shown the door. He did nothing useful then and still does nothing useful. Don't waste time either he steps up or steps out!
You need pampering not a lump that angers you

Thanks Katarzyna.
It's probably a weird part of our relationship that we agree in advance who will put out the recycling, pay the milk bill, get Christmas presents etc.
Oh fuck. We are weird. I've just remembered we "go through the week" planning what is happening and who's going where and when each day! It helps me to meal plan and ensures nothing gets forgotten.
Part of this is probably also due to the fact our roles changed massively a year ago and I do have anxiety. I like organised. And calm. But I'd settle for organised.

Yep the older kids are his too.

What? You're stuck doing this with his kids?? How did he get such a cushy set up?

Stop doing things for his kids. Don't drive them, don't do anything. Make him take care of his children. He needs the practice anyway for when the baby comes.

The kids are his as in he is the father to all 3

Anybody who says Bless in relation to their husband can do one, quite frankly

I don't know why people have such high expectations of men

Now there's a sentence to ponder.

So Wolfie are you actually saying if you went out and were unexpectedly detained, if it hadn't been agreed it was 'his' night to do the tea and bedtime, he would flail around and not do it? Ditto for you if the situation were reversed?

I don't believe you. I think either of you would have the nous to just get on and do it because the alternative is too fucking depressing.

High expectations nearly spit me tea all over the computer then.Thanks for the laugh Mary.

My god I hope that the posters that think that Fathers are some special little snowflakes that need everything doing for them or explaining to them aren't raising boys to think the same or god help all the future generations.

I read out what the OP first posted and both of our oldest sons 19 and 17 and DH all said he's being a wanker!

My Dad's 80 now and he always helped my Mum out around the house when my Mum was pregnant or she wasn't well and my Dad worked over 70 hours a week and only had 1 day a week off.After I was born my Mum had servere post natal depression and my Dad stepped up and did everything looked after my Mum,me,my 2 big brothers,the pets the house,worked full time(my Nan came round whilst he was at work)he cooked,cleaned,did laundry.

He'd know what time to put us children to bed,that we'd need feeding,baths,to check if we had homework.

That was along time ago,surely are expectations of Men and Fathers since then should have progressed not gone backwards!

Yes he's being a lazy arse. I have been there.

Since when was meeting a child's basic needs considered as having high expectations?

Why do men "need telling" ? I just don't understand this - they're adults, they're presumably fathers - surely anyone with half a brain cell knows their kids need feeding/bathing/putting to bed.

And there are women on the thread defending his behaviour. When OP is 39wks pg and in pain. WTF?

TBH I am so sad that if I was detained I would probably text or call him with a list.

I have been married for years and we have found a way to parent that works for us. We discuss what needs to be done and split it between us.

And yes bless. This man left the house at some fucking awful time this morning, got kids to bed, helped me get shopping in, worked more, got ready for work in the morning and still wonders if I'd like him to bring me tea in the morning.
AnyFucker. Would you prefer it if I called him Hun and said I luffs him?

If you did that, I would have to hunt you down, wolfie [santa]

Good for you, OP.

It is his role as a father to supervise his kids and ensure that their needs are met, whether he feels like it or not.

I am a single mum and go out to work and when I get home (no matter how tired or unenthusiastic I may feel) I look after my DS and ensure he has everything he needs.

Why is it because he is a father his role in looking after this kids is any different?

Yeah... my DH was up all last night with a sick DD cleaning up puke. Because I was tired and he wasn't, on his birthday no less I told him to wake me if she got sick again but he didn't. It was simple logic. No planning or hand holding necessary.

Sometimes when you're an adult you just do what needs to be done even though it sucks, without having to be spoon fed instructions.

I don't have to plan with DH to feed DD if he's watching her. In fact I have to check with him before I feed her to make sure she hasn't already been fed.

Were you not suspicious that it was so quiet upstairs while you were resting? Or are your kids quite quiet and so it was genuinely a shock to find them awake?

Haha AnyFucker. Not a fucking chance of hunning or luffs here.
Next week I may be calling him a fuckwit or cockwomble!

I was listening to some music and writing Christmas cards in bed.

What I think is really worrying OP is that you thought you might BU or you could be hormonal.

Does he regularly ignore everyone else's needs? Are you dismissed and put down a lot of the time?

Oh fuckity fuck.
My DH and I both work full-time. Therefore, should we both sit on our arses and ignore the kids?
Oh no, hang on. I haven't got one of those 'cock' things. Does that mean that I should do it?
Oh, DH said that I shouldn't, because he's perfectly capable. He said I can have a cup of tea if I want.
Fuck, no. That's not right. My eldest aren't biologically his! I'm going to book an appointment with Relate. We're obviously doing this all wrong. What a mess it all is.

Conclusion: OPs DH is a gigantic cocklodger.

Anybody who says Bless in relation to their husband can do one, quite frankly

Well quite.

And anyone who is so desperately grateful for a cup of tea in exchange for being massively inconvenienced needs to rethink their priorities.

Um what. How am I massively inconvenienced?
It's about being thoughtful. Me and him.
And yes. Bless.