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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate working and believe it to be the worst thing about being an adult. AIBU?

389 replies

IntoTheSunset · 01/12/2015 17:16

I'd like to allay any concerns that anyone might have about my work ethic firstly. No one has ever complained about it in any job I've had. I realise that people have to work. I just find it depressing that I will likely have to continue working into my sixties and beyond. I'm 42 and would gladly retire tomorrow if I could. I also don't like how a person's place in society is defined by their job ahead of anything else. Do any MNers feel similarly?

OP posts:
Garlick · 02/12/2015 23:05

Eeyore (Wink) and Lorelei, I think you're onto something. I practise (rather unsuccessfully most of the time) radical acceptance. It's a very simple concept that boils down to "it is what it is". Much easier to say than to live, it turns out. Fan, chronic illness is the reason I've undertaken this wholesale instead of playing with it as I used to. Managing poor health actually is work, and learning to live a full life while physically & mentally restricted is philosophically challenging. I think we deserve to be proud of ourselves.

I'm in the middle of a film called Hector and the Search for Happiness Grin Fairly sure it's going to have a cheesy ending, but it's quite fun. The older - or more philosophical - I get, the more I agree that expecting to be happy/fulfilled/productive all the time is a scourge on the modern Western world. I don't quite understand it, either. We are carefully raised not to expect this. When does it change, and how?

Garlick · 02/12/2015 23:07

while physically & mentally restricted - was supposed to say physically & financially. But, well, that too.

lorelei9 · 02/12/2015 23:23

OP, any comments on the comments? Be very interested to hear as I so agree with you.

lushaliciousbob · 02/12/2015 23:36

I love my job! I love days off too. But quite honestly, I don't appreciate the days off unless I work. If I didn't work I would drive myself insane because my job makes me feel full filled and I like having a routine.

PurpleGreenAvocado · 03/12/2015 07:11

Yes. I mean, my job is good, my family are wonderful but I will retire into poverty and so I don't have anything to look forward to in retirement.

Blueandwhitelover · 03/12/2015 07:45

I love my job but would happily retire tomorrow to be free to do other things.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 03/12/2015 08:59

I agree about poor management etc often making workplaces much worse places than they need to be. And I think mothers can be particularly vulnerable to that, because we're disproportionately likely to need and have flexible working arrangements that are less likely to be replicated in new roles.

Dogwalks2 · 03/12/2015 09:39

I've a well paid job, lots of perks and flexible hours... Still don't want to work past 50, want to travel, garden, spend time outdoors. Anybody got a magic wand.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 03/12/2015 09:47

Maybe that's why I've always been so happy in my work; it is very flexible and fits very smoothly alongside family life.

There's very little competition. One side of my life enhances the other.

BMW6 · 03/12/2015 09:51

I worked full time for 33 years but took early retirement aged 50. I did enjoy my work, mostly, but absolutely LOVE being retired. In these past 7 years I have not had a single regret and am most definitely not bored !

sparklesandglitterxx · 03/12/2015 10:46

I agree, I fucking hated working ....was so happy when I had my first dc and could get out of the rat race for a bit

ten years and 2 more dcs on I still haven't gone back FT ...I am very lucky as don't need to at the moment at least

I have a very small business and work a few hours a week...I do something I love and tbh wouldn't mind doing it ft if I had to

BoboChic · 03/12/2015 13:58

I think that a key part of enjoying anything is not being continually stressed by random events beyond one's control, be those intrinsic to the activity (eg terrible management, difficult customers) or interferences/encroachment from other domains (eg childcare issues when you are at work). Getting life properly organised so you can enjoy everything you have to do is not at all easy and having enough money to pay for good solutions is very useful.

MissTriggs · 03/12/2015 18:15

great thread and wise words above....

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 04/12/2015 06:54

I've read the whole thread.

Can I ask then what's better/what's the alternative?

I am about to go back to work after three days off & I am crying already. I genuinely hate working (in this place, I've loved previous jobs)

Should I just quit now or keep going? Help appreciate appreciated.

louisejxxx · 04/12/2015 07:01

Another job lover here! I look forward to going and get withdrawal symptoms as I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to how certain things are done Blush

DeoGratias · 04/12/2015 07:12

I left 20 years ago and set up my own law firm from home which seems the best of all worlds - lots of money, going out to meetings, talks etc when needed but total control and keeping all the cash. In order to do that you need to do a certain number of years building up contacts. It would be the same in private medicine or setting up your own advertising agency or photography business or whatever. I certainly think my grandfather had it right who left school at 12 and started out selling horses (and became an auctioneer and valuer although at one point in his teens he was employed by a chemists to poison puppies where customers needed that...),. He said never take a partner as you fall out with them over money and who is doing the most work.

Advice to Lady Mary - best to go back but look for different work you enjoy. I've encouraged and am encouraging all 5 children to pick work they enjoy but also work where the career pays a lot and gives you the flexibility if you want later on to work for yourself. I also think earning a lot of money is absolutely great and stops women having to rely on men to keep them so if children can work really hard at school, get the best exam results in the best subjects they can, go to one of the best universities etc that tends to mean life is easier thani f you leave at 16 with few GCSes and cannot get a good job.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 04/12/2015 07:23

Going part time has revolutionised how I feel about work, I'm heading for 50 and retirement isn't something I've given a moment's thought to, apart from paying into pensions, I just cannot imagine not working. But I appreciate that I have a very good employer and work I get a lot out of.

lorelei9 · 04/12/2015 12:16

LadyMary "Can I ask then what's better/what's the alternative?"

sorry, I find this an odd question. The point of the OP was to rant about work, which, assuming you have to do it to make a living, has to be done. I'm sorry Flowers I know how crap that is, but for many of us there is no magic alternative.

finding a job where some homeworking is allowed has helped me a lot but that seems to be sheer dumb luck, I spent flipping years looking before I found one.

if you are saying "is it better to not work" - anyone who feels as we do, if you've ever had a period of not working (which Ive had after doing a really long hours contract, and then a period of 2 jobs) - no, it's bleeping amazing.

if you have skills that you think will lead you to a job you enjoy more, by all means go out and look for them. But tbh I think when I have to pack it in, I really will have to pack it in, I live a very frugal life in order to retire as early as possible. It's fine really because all this working gives me very little energy to go out anyway!

lorelei9 · 04/12/2015 12:16

PS I also cried on returning to work after breaks - the first time I think I cried every night for 3 weeks. I feel your pain if that's any help.

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 04/12/2015 13:00

So I've had a happy ending! I did go to work & then I walked out again with no job to go to.

I wasn't worried about the money because I know I'd be ok for a while ( savings) however I though I'll just call into my old job & low & behold my old post had just been advertised.... Guess who got it, yes me, with a rise to boot!!

I know it never usually works out like this but I feel so much happier & content. This was my alternative :)

lorelei9 · 04/12/2015 13:05

LadyM, I'm confused
you started a new job this morning, walked out, got your old one back, with a pay rise, but why did you leave your old job?

it's 1pm, that sounds like a hell of a day.... Confused

lorelei9 · 04/12/2015 13:05

oh sorry, I just realised, you were already in the job....ignore me. this is what happens when you post and work at the same time.

and you only hated this job, not the other jobs. Ah. I see.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 04/12/2015 13:33

Great to hear you just got your old job back LadyM
Hope it all goes well for you into the New Year Xmas Smile

Garlick · 04/12/2015 13:48

LadyMary - fantastic!! What a result Grin I was going to advise you to quit. I stuck at a job where I was being badly bullied, dreading going in ... and had a breakdown. I'd encourage anyone to fight an abusive work culture if they've got the resources and support, but tbh it's often wiser to quit while you still have enough sanity to get another job.

MissTriggs · 04/12/2015 14:40

" I'd encourage anyone to fight an abusive work culture if they've got the resources and support, but tbh it's often wiser to quit while you still have enough sanity to get another job."

so true....