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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate working and believe it to be the worst thing about being an adult. AIBU?

389 replies

IntoTheSunset · 01/12/2015 17:16

I'd like to allay any concerns that anyone might have about my work ethic firstly. No one has ever complained about it in any job I've had. I realise that people have to work. I just find it depressing that I will likely have to continue working into my sixties and beyond. I'm 42 and would gladly retire tomorrow if I could. I also don't like how a person's place in society is defined by their job ahead of anything else. Do any MNers feel similarly?

OP posts:
Mermaid36 · 01/12/2015 23:13

Garlick I know exactly what I said Smile

If we want children, I have to be partially dependent on my husband - I have to assume that his wage will be there when mine isn't (maternity leave) or we couldn't afford to live in the house/buy food etc.

However, all I'll be doing is swapping one type of work for another. Office work for childcare. Since full time childcare is over £800 per month here, it's the equivalent of a job.

In reality, I should have phrased the above as "our child" (or possibly "my child") since I'll be doing all the work of carrying and birthing, and being the primary caregiver.

NewLife4Me · 01/12/2015 23:14

Why would you squander your opportunities like that

What possible opportunities could a person gain from working, when it's the last thing they want to have to do?

regenerationfez · 01/12/2015 23:17

And Irish dad's post is why we need equality of access and societal change to make it acceptable for men and women to to go part time or take parental leave. None of this wishy washy women can't cope with work or they are unreliable because they keep having babies (presumably via virgin birth). The more women who assume they can just jack in their jobs the less likely it will be that this will happen.

CookieDoughKid · 01/12/2015 23:18

Irishdad I'm going to get my popcorn out. you can work part time and be committed to the job. We are not all flaky!! Here's me working part time on an £80k a year salary pro rata for a FTSE 100 company (well top 10 globally) for that matter. I think what you are spouting is utter bullocks with no concrete evidence to prove that part time work is detrimental to business.

Garlick · 01/12/2015 23:19

can't the anti-sahm brigade see the irony in their feminist rantings?

Lol. At least you didn't mention hairy legs or 'strident'.

I'm guessing you mean me. I'm not anti-SAHM. I'm anti- the whole set of assumptions regarding men's work and women's, depressed by unthinking acceptance of a model built by and for male Victorian factory owners, and concerned about women making themselves economically vulnerable. I'm also sad that so many women play to the patriarchal idea that it's not worth investing in or promoting us because "they'll only go off to have babies" and, as a corollary, that men are still widely expected to have to earn well as they'll need to support a wife and kids.

I could go on ... but that's enough, and I'm trying for sleep by midnight.

Garlick · 01/12/2015 23:21

YYYY, regenerationfez!

onecurrantbun1 · 01/12/2015 23:23

I can't comprehend people actually liking their jobs. I haven't ever disliked an job and have had elements of finding work interesting and even fulfilling. But for me I would always prefer to work as little as possible - providing my material needs were met of course. I think the aim of work is to do the fewest possible hours in the least stressful / most enjoyable environment to get the money for your lifestyle. Elements of that equation can offset each other e.g. a more stressful / less enjoyable role for less hours but the same money - great! Lifestyle can also be adjusted down - I would give up a lot of non essentials to not work!

We are a team so if DH was unhappy at work of course I'd go back to work - and do as little as I could to redress the balance in the equation.

My dad however adores his job and it forms a huge part of who he is and his identity and esteem. He is one of the lucky ones - or maybe just wired up differently than me!

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 01/12/2015 23:29

I loved my job. Was forced to 'retire' due to ill health and hate being forced into SAHM territory against my will.

NewLife4Me · 01/12/2015 23:33

WildRumpy

That must be very hard for you, so sorry Thanks

GoneAndDone · 01/12/2015 23:33

I don't hate working but hate having a job, IYSWIM. A lot of my friends have jobs like writer or artist (and self employed tax credits to fund their lifestyle).

I really want to do something creative but can't see how it would pay the bills (no partner, not eligible for benefits). I've been feeling bitter about it recently, as friends post about sitting in a tree writing (!) while I'm sitting on a fucking train again going to an office.

Enkopkaffetak · 01/12/2015 23:50

I like my job. However if I could afford to I would quit in a heartbeat.I was a SAHM for years to our children and I frankly miss being able to do things and plan stuff not having to take a work schedule into account.

Having said that we cant afford for me not to work now and work is fine. However dont ask me that at 6 am on THursday :)

NameChanger22 · 02/12/2015 00:02

Work is fine. If I worked full-time I would probably hate it a lot more.

Philoslothy · 02/12/2015 00:06

I have had various jobs, most recently I taught and if I had to work that is what I would choose to do. However I would rather not to be honest.

I am at home with two pre schoolers and have older children too. I run my own mall business but it is very much a lifestyle set up. I volunteer, run our smallholding and get to pursue hobbies and socialise. My life is perfect right now and I would happily never work again.

KeyserSophie · 02/12/2015 04:53

YANBU and I suspect you're in the majority. I can think of many jobs that would seriously stress me out and I would hate (some of which are cited here as jobs people love, which shows it's horses for courses) and I have also had jobs I hated and which fuelled lottery win fantasies on a daily basis.

However, I do like my current job and I do it despite the fact that me jacking it would make zero difference to our lifestyle, so no point in a lottery win now. I was a SAHM for a year after DC1, but didnt like it at all. The days just seemed to go on forever. I would be happier as a SAHM now the DC are older (and less annoying Grin) but no point as youngest starts school next year. Also, I know a lot of mums with school age kids who dont work (trailing spouses) and for all the talk of things people would do if they didnt work, it doesnt seem that those thigns do get done - I dont think these women are any lazier or less motivated than average, so I think it's a case of the things that seemed really attractive as alternatives to a hated job (write novel, get degree, gym, gardening, baking) become less attractive when the alternative is drinking wine/coffee and browsing FB. Without attaching any moral judgement to those things (which I do a lot myself) I dont really want to do it full time. I feel "better" being productive in whatever capacity I guess.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/12/2015 05:44

I don't hate working but I do hate having to work. Luckily I don't have to at the moment, but when Ds2 goes to school in a couple of years, I will have to again

The good thing is that I have a self-employed "trade", so I can start that up again once I'm ready; I haven't lost my touch, am currently keeping my hand in with a few friends, but would need to get insurance and start up properly again.

Working to someone else's hours would seriously piss me off now, I think - been away from that for too long!

ohlittlepea · 02/12/2015 05:59

Is there anything you could do that you would enjoy more? I occasionally feel like this but mostly like my job.

DixieDarling · 02/12/2015 06:19

Irishdad - your boss is behind the times. Have a look at the research on why so many leading global businesses are focusing on better recruitment and retention of women, and introducing more flexible working policies that encourage women to return after mat leave. It's better for business and better for the economy. Your views are based on prejudice, not on fact, unfortunately.

HormonalHeap · 02/12/2015 07:12

Having done different types of work over my life I'm now just pottering and doing voluntary work, I'm late 40's. Less stress in my life yes but big problems with my kids at the moment (or one) so it might just be that full time work would take my mind off things! Personally I think the key is balance (if you are able to have that) and really appreciating what you do have, even if it's not perfect.

Badders123 · 02/12/2015 07:29

squander opportunities?
We don't all live in london, have rich husbands and degrees you know!!!! I realise im probably in the minority on mn
I left work to look after our children. I had jobs, not a career. I worked for some lovely people people and some real bastards.
Over the years I have been a sahm my dh has been promoted so now works away a lot.
I enable him to do his job and earn decent money for the first time in our married life.
Both my dc have had big health issues sadly and I also care for my widowed and frail mother.
I have done voluntary work and pt work over the years but Tbh my mental and physical health is much better if I don't.
It does amuse me....all these supposed feminists like garlick ranting away about sahm being lazy when they work and pay other women minimum wage for childcare, cleaning etc.
Such a shame an interesting thread :-) been yet again turned into a sahm vs wohm bunfight.

MephistophelesApprentice · 02/12/2015 07:37

I work hard, and have recently been promoted, but I hate working. I hate losing five days in seven for the rest of my life to this poisonous miserable burden. Sure, I have to work to not be a social burden, so fine, whatever, I'll do what I'm contracted to do to the best of my ability (and I do it damn well) but I loathe the necessity.

The way I've always experienced life as a man, unless you're 'motivated' and 'ambitious' in your career you're worth nothing in the dating scene, so I grit my teeth, tell the lies, earn the money and chase the promotions all so I don't end up alone. The traditional mindset that I exist only to labour and support a family is all pervasive even in the most progressive circles - daring to express an alternative view is social suicide. So I go on, sacrificing my health and sanity in a bitter game that I despise.

Schubertlemons · 02/12/2015 07:53

I have loved my work, various jobs (law), all well paid, now self employed from home, flexibility, perfect. I'm at the tail end of baby boomers, embraced the free education and opportunities BUT

the best and most fulfilling thing I have ever done is to become a mother - I feel visceral about my babies (now grown up) in a way I could never feel about a job.

I never thought I would say this and I probably wouldn't in real life, but it seems many other women feel the same.

Floppityflop · 02/12/2015 08:01

Meohistopheles, imagine how it feels to be passed over for promotion or paid less than a man who is just playing the game, just because you are a woman.

Bumdance · 02/12/2015 08:02

Why is it only the women who are paying other women minimum wage for cooking and cleaning? Do the men in those couples get a free pass? Are they absolved of any responsibility for childcare or the rates at which childcare is paid?

I've gone on record as saying it's not a sahp vs wohp issue to me. I'm neither so really and truly have no vested interest in defending either position at the expense of the other.

Floppityflop · 02/12/2015 08:02

Sorry, Mephistopheles (I am not a typist, BTW).

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/12/2015 08:03

Motherhood has definitely been the most central of all my roles in life.

And now my babies are big hairy teens, I look back on lovely years. The cuddles, the games, the swings, the stories, the parties, the plays, the sports days, the laughter and the tears.

But I also enjoyed my work too. It has provided things that my family could never do. Which would be perfectly natural and normal if I were a manGrin.