I absolutely hate working and believe it to be the worst thing about being an adult. AIBU?

[IntoTheSunset]

I'd like to allay any concerns that anyone might have about my work ethic firstly. No one has ever complained about it in any job I've had. I realise that people have to work. I just find it depressing that I will likely have to continue working into my sixties and beyond. I'm 42 and would gladly retire tomorrow if I could. I also don't like how a person's place in society is defined by their job ahead of anything else. Do any MNers feel similarly?

Memphisto That is what I meant when I said I worried about my sons' choices.

My DH isn't particularly ambitious, never was. He works full time in a professional job, but leaves at 5, is always home to do the kids bedtime, takes time off to go to their school events and plays a larger part in their lives than many more ambitious or higher ranking dads. It might have affected his career progression, probably has, but I would rather he spent more time at home and didn't work away or get back at 8pm. He could only do this because I also work. (We live in London, it's incredibly expensive!)

He has had a terrible time at work lately, to the extent that it is a potential constructive dismissal. I can just pick up my hours and he can be at home for a while. I can only do this because I was working all this time too. Its not about work, it's about the life that working allows you to have.

I like my job. It's part time, home based and well paid (don't hate me!). However, I have been doing it, or a variation of it, for 11yrs now and the thought of doing it for another 25yrs, until I can retire, depresses me beyond belief!

If it weren't for the enormous mortgage and bills I'd cheerfully give up working tomorrow . I could easily fill my time with other things and would throw myself into voluntary work as the field I work in has lots of great volunteering opportunities, so I know I wouldn't be bored.

I think many of us of "a certain age" (I'm 42) just see years stretching ahead of us with paying mortgages, helping our kids through higher education or into the housing market themselves, then ending up caring for our elderly parents and just think "when do I get to stop?". Particularly when many of our own parents have benefited from the housing market over the years, early retirement ages and generous final salary pension schemes and are having a lovely time in retirement!

I would absolutely love to either stop work entirely, or give up my role and do something that involves very little brain work!

"working is just a basic uninteresting necessity like going to the toilet is, and I don't spend hours wondering how I can make shitting more interesting. He said I should use that as my opening line in my next appraisal"

rofl!

I honestly don't agree with you OP. I (mostly) love my job (been here donkey's years), it's interesting and worthwhile and I work with lovely, friendly, compassionate people. It's 15 minutes drive away and semi-rural. I'm in a back-office function so don't have the stresses that some in front-line work would have and I decide what I do,when and how long for. I have a great pension to look forward to and very generous benefits. I count many former colleagues among my friends. I once took an extended absence around the time I was thirty (six months or so off) and I was bored to tears despite renovating my house and going to the gym 5 days a week.

Perhaps it's your work rather than work itself that's the problem. Have you ever been to see a careers guidance officer?

Absolutely love my working life, self employed and can juggle home, friends, social life around it.

Don't mind working to midnight in comfort of my own home, if it means I can go to gym, meet up with friends during the day. Must meet deadlines though. Averaged around £25,000 to £30,000 this year, no plans to ever retire. Only lasted in the 9 to 5 two years at any one job before got itchy feet and needed to move on. Being self employed is the answer, earn what you want to earn, make what you want out of it and enjoy life. Greatest sympathies for those stuck with large mortgages and childcare to pay for. Work can then become an endless chore. Make sure you grab all the help on offer and try and look after yourself is only advice I can give (not meant to sound patronising but sympathetic)

I love my job but don't like the 12 hour shifts or night work.

I have now had 5 days off and I'm really bored. I'm going onto the bank soon so will be able to pick my own shifts. I will no longer do 12 hour shifts. I think I will prefer being at work more but doing shorter shifts.

I was a SAHM/carer for 16 years. I love earning my own money (not that it is much) and I love meeting new people and when I come home I appreciate being at home and my family so much more than I did before.

I can't wait to spread my hours out over the week, it will give me the perfect balance.

In a few years time I might feel very differently when I will have to go up to 37.5 hours a week.

I'd love to be self employed as am very self motivated and organised which I think are pretty key to doing it successfully - but have no idea what I'd do! Have no creative skills or things I could do "consultancy" in!

Those of you who are self employed - would love to hear what kinds of things you do?

"We are now, apparently, expected by some feminists to see the uterus as a biological inconvenience inflicted on women, but which is only there to be leased out for nine months and make the mother's stomach protrude inconveniently for a bit before the male and female can get back to being identical in needs, wants and interests. There isn't really anything natural in expecting such a radical change in thought so incredibly quickly in the big scheme of things (ie in evolutionary terms). It is, in fact, a colossally ambitious project."

So true!

regenerationfez - tbh, I don't know why you are only worried about your dss' choices, unless you don't have any dds. Seems to me, what your children may be faced with is both adults working very long full time hours, or living in poverty, not two adults happily working reasonable hours.

As for women rejecting a man unless he is "fulfilling his potential," MephistophelesApprentice: clearly you have met those feminists who think everyone should want to work full time without a break all their lives and who would expect you to do the same as them; or women who want to be able to stay at home with their children when they are small and who know they will be able to find a man who is happy to accommodate that without thinking he is missing out on anything; or women who think your lack of ambition in a career will be reflected in an equal lack of drive when it comes to running the home, childcare and supporting the working parent. What you need to find, and it sounds like you have now found, is someone who wants the same as you - for you to be the SAHD and to do that job well.

Mephistopheles, I'm a woman and I've had men, in the dating world, criticise me for not reaching my potential and not being ambitious. It's not gender specific.

I think the lie of work as fulfilment is a problem. Many of us just do it to meet the basic bills of life.

Quick thought experiment.

If you and your partner if you have one did paid employment for 8 months a year, for two-thirds of the pay, how would/could this affect your lives?

Don't worry about when or how the 4 months off are taken, just play with the idea. Also assume everyone around you works to the same principle.

lorelei9

Unsurprising, as we progress slowly closer to gender equality.

Sorry, I wasn't clear - you can assume everyone has the choice to split their 4 months over a year, take it in a chunk, or whatever floats your boat.

My fil was forced into a job by his widowed mother that he hated.
He stuck it out til he could retire early at 58. 40 years hating your job?
Fuck that.
My beloved dad worked ft right up until the day he dropped dead in front of me at 67.
Well, fuck that too.
I wonder.....and this it not just to women btw!....would those of you who call sahms lazy and lacking ambition also call their cleaner, nanny, childminder, gardener etc lazy too? Or are they ok because they are paid for what they do?

those of you who call sahms lazy and lacking ambition

Nobody has The closest anyone's come is Irish Dad. And that's not what he said, either.

How can sahms "Squander opportunities"?

I'm certainly not squandering my life.
Come on...all these threads go the same way.
And some wohms absolutely DO feel that way. I was once told I was no better than a prostitute on a thread because I am a sahm!

Anyway...back to the op....yes. I know just how you feel.

As I said in my first post, if you don't buy into the "work, consume, die" mantra you are deemed as some sort of weirdo.

I'm happy to be weird :)

"It's interesting that when a couple outsource their domestic work to someone they pay then that is 'wrong' in some people 's eyes. Why? Is there something morally superior about doing your own ironing?"

I absolutely don't think there is anything morally superior about doing one's own housework (ironing in particular is a dull and never ending task). However, there is a lot of confusion among humans as to what constitutes housework (mundane chores) and what constitutes bringing up children (value added work in this knowledge-based economy day and age). I do, personally, find there is something morally dubious about leaving ones children for very extended periods with people/in circumstances in which the children are not well cared for.

Me too bobo.
I don't think I am "better" than Dh at cleaning...he is stronger than me and can actually move the furniture to hoover behind them! :)
Obviously it's not my ovaries that leave scum in the bath, or lime scale in the kettle, but because of our family set up its me that deals with it 90% of the time.
i can no longer afford to carry on with my OU degree as the fees are too high and I dont trust the govt frankly.
I may do more voluntary work in the future but ATM I am concentrating on my health and that of ds2.

I love my career, I love my current job.

Partly luck, partly design.

I tell my three dds to choose something they are passionate about to build a career on, if at all possible. I'd never encourage them to go into medicine or law just for the status and dosh - they should do something they still love when they are as ancient as me.

Don't hate working per se, but lots of jobs, particularly those which involve sitting in an office at a computer clicking bloody buttons for 8 hours a day are drudgery. Left mine last year and set up my own business. The days where I panic at the state of my bank account and wonder if I've done the right thing are decreasing. Summer was the best, went for a bike ride in the local woods every morning and started work at 10. Also get to work through the weekends and instead take a day off in the week so I can get stuff done when places are less busy.

yes your employer gets the best of you - by the time you go home you are whacked, more household chores and bedtime. Not much quality time especially when it is dark so early. I wish I could spend more time at home too, don't hate my job just find it repetitive and dull.

I enjoy the work I do, but I hate the structure, the routine, the procedures, etc etc.

I hate having to be somewhere by a certain time every day. I hate that it has to come above anything I need or want to do. I hate having to negotiate to spend my own time (annual leave) when I actually want it, and I hate that the employer can actually refuse. I hate having to justify needing time off for illness or appointments. I hate that employers can stake a claim to your time outside or work and insist on overtime or additional travel based on their need rather than yours. I hate being at the constant behest of someone simply because they pay me for 37 hours of my time a week. I hate having to spend 8+ hours a day in a shabby office that's either too hot or too cold while I have a lovely home that sits empty.

I think I need to be self-employed, really.

I do like working but it's the thought of it being for MORE DECADES that is depressing. I'd love a couple of months off. Never going to happen unfortunately. It's a bit rubbish....

retirement is bliss -not boring at all. But i had to earn it by working very hard. Love the poem.

Not at all. I'm 41 and work part time. I am in a fortunate position that I don't need to work but it's massively important for my mental health and sanity. I don't want to work full time but I bloody love that I have an interesting career