AIBU and should I make Dp's lunch?

[sleeplessinmybedroom]

This is semi lighthearted but Dp and I are bickering over whether I should make his packed lunch for him or not. I've said I will post this and if it's deemed I am being unreasonable then I will make his packed lunch.

Just for clarity I'm on maternity leave at the moment with a 3 month old baby and a 9 year old. He works 5-7 days a week, sometimes long hours in a physical job.

I do all of the housework in the day but he does pitch in when he's home. He washes up every night.

He takes the baby when he gets in and puts her to bed. If she wakes in the night for her dummy he sorts her more often than me.

When I was working he sometimes made my packed lunch.

I just hate making packed lunches. I won't let Ds have them because I hate it so much. So who is being unreasonable?

He doesn't have anywhere to heat food on work or I would do that.

I was incapacitated for 10 weeks all in all, going from me being able to do small things standing up to not being able to walk more than a few steps even with a belt and crutches. He did all housework, shopping, childcare, pet care, cooking.

My Dh has always made his own lunch. I make my 2 Dd's. It is a job I hate doing.

Better yet, if his work colleagues think he's hard done by they can all muck in and bring in his lunch for him, one can do sandwiches, another can do the crisps, etc, etc.

Am I the only person who genuinely cannot imagine being asked to make their partner's packed lunch? (Or to be expected to be grateful for a partner who does their share of the domestic work?)

The thing is though, the man works outside of the home 5-7 days a week. I'm presuming the OP is a SAHM or on matt leave? Good grief! How many hours of work is the man expected to do?

He did all housework, shopping, childcare, pet care, cooking.

As most single parents do anyway, often while holding hard part-time jobs.

Ooh, this is like the washing threads. Either:

takes no time at all, how dare you consider not doing it (woman, know your place!)

Or:
is Very Stressful, how dare you consider not doing it (woman, know your place!)

With the same proviso that if you don’t do it, someone else will be only too happy to do it for him, and thus leave you to a lonely middle age of nobody whose laundry and/or lunch you are expected to provide, which would obviously be a fate worse than death.

I hate making lunches. I make myself a batch of SW crust less quiche for days I'm at work so one prep does all my lunches.

Husband says work microwave is stinking & will only have a salad or sandwiches. So that means daily prep which I can't be arsed with. He does v little in the house - why should I make him sandwiches while he sits in his arise infront of tv?

If he pulled his weight in the house then I wouldn't mind making his lunch but my tasks & responsibilities are not limitless.

He doesn't need to reheat food at work- he can heat it in the microwave in the morning and then put in one of these - it says it keeps food hot for 9 hours.

Sorry that was to the OP.

That is s very good point inertia, we do have a food flask already, I used to take soup to work in it.

I remember being utterly baffled when I was at my mum's one night, years ago now, and she was making my late step-dad's packed lunch. He was sat on his arse in front of the TV. Both of them worked full time at the time, with him leaving slightly earlier in the morning but getting home earlier than she did. I asked her why on earth she was making his lunch for him as though he was a child - was he not perfectly capable of making his own?? She didn't really have an answer for me but it struck me as a really sexist thing to do. He also never cooked any meals - despite the fact that he'd lived alone for 8 years or so before they met, and so was perfectly capable of cooking. Bonkers!

If you don't want to, then don't.

I sometimes make DP's whilst I make mine and DC's.

Sometimes I don't

Sometimes he makes me something.

There are no expectations on either side that I will make packed lunches or that he will make them.

If he wants packed lunch he should spend five minutes the night before sorting it out really.

Does anyone else remember that thread from years ago when the OP's husband worked someplace (fire service?) and all the wives were expected to take turns to cook up Friday dinner for the whole team? One of the wives contacted OP to put her on the rota, and OP didn't want to. Quite a lively thread, as I remember

I remember that Devora, it was good.

I'm not sure there's a right or wrong. That's one thing my DH has always done himself and I don't think he's ever asked me (I suspect he probably prefers to do them himself as I don't plaster sandwiches in pickle and many!). Like your DP he chips in with things like washing up, bathtimes/night-time when he comes in. Having said that I'm constantly on the go while he's at work, ie filling in constantly with housework, gardening, financial stuff and tea is ready within 10 mins of him arriving home.

The only thing you could do is agree it's part of the evening routine and if one of you is doing one of the last things before you can relax, the other does the sandwiches.

I hate making packed lunches. I didn't make DH's for years and for all that time he mostly ate nothing or bought lunch. School age DC had school dinners.
Now though three DC need a packed lunch so I make DH one as well while he unloads the dishwasher and makes the brews.

"Am I the only person who genuinely cannot imagine being asked to make their partner's packed lunch? (Or to be expected to be grateful for a partner who does their share of the domestic work?)"

No, you're not. But because I cannot imagine being asked I might well do it. Because it's a kind thing to do and crucially I can be absolutely sure he would do the same for me.

"Oh he's so good he helps me with my jobs" renders me inscandescent with fury. Might I recommend #manwhohasitall to Twitter users?

If I was him I'd stop getting the baby up, changing her, making her bottle and bringing it to you. He'd have oodles of time to make his lunch, maybe catch a bit of breakfast tv, too.

I never want to be in a marriage where I worry that making my husband's packed lunch is a motherly thing to do.

In that case, OP could stop doing the majority of the housework and indeed childcare. Perhaps DP could take the baby to work with him too. OP would have oodles of time to make packed lunches then.

When I was married he once said to me, as I handed him his packed lunch, "I don't think I'm eating enough, can you keep an eye on what I'm eating and make sure I'm eating enough?"

Now. I hated making packed lunches, but never said. I did all the shopping, cleaning and childcare for baby, toddler and his two teens who lived with us.

That was part of the beginning of the end for me. I just thought "fuck off, you're an ADULT" and refused to join in.

With current DP, with whom. I have ensured an equal relationship, occasionally he makes me a packed lunch for which I am very grateful and say thank you. He eats at work.

I liked making my DH's packed lunch didn't faze me at all (doesn't have them anymore)..liked trying to find interesting things to make or do leftovers with salad he would come home from work and say people were always very interested impressed in what he had
I also liked making him something because he liked my lunch and I like making him happy... same as he goes to the shops for my wotsits and wine

I was never grateful that I was married to a normal human being who did his fair share until I started hanging out on MN.

I'm still not grateful [DH would say I am highly ungrateful because he works with a bunch of neanderthals who appear to constantly be amazed at his efforts] but I am appreciative.

Talk about heightened consciousness !