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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and should I make Dp's lunch?

223 replies

sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/11/2015 23:05

This is semi lighthearted but Dp and I are bickering over whether I should make his packed lunch for him or not. I've said I will post this and if it's deemed I am being unreasonable then I will make his packed lunch.

Just for clarity I'm on maternity leave at the moment with a 3 month old baby and a 9 year old. He works 5-7 days a week, sometimes long hours in a physical job.

I do all of the housework in the day but he does pitch in when he's home. He washes up every night.

He takes the baby when he gets in and puts her to bed. If she wakes in the night for her dummy he sorts her more often than me.

When I was working he sometimes made my packed lunch.

I just hate making packed lunches. I won't let Ds have them because I hate it so much. So who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtStephanies · 30/11/2015 23:59

oobedobe - " leisure poo " hahahahaha 😀

Saracen · 01/12/2015 00:00

I say the fact that you hate making packed lunches so much is the deciding factor.

Otherwise, well, it would be rather sweet of you to do it, just like it would be sweet of your dp to leave you something nice as a surprise for when you are away from each other. But don't do it if you hate it.

TudorTrace · 01/12/2015 00:01

I really don't see the huge issue with making your DP's lunches, unless you really don't have time/he has more time on his hands than you. If so, then fair enough.

I stopped making my DP's lunches in the evenings when I found out he was buying food out anyway and leaving it to waste Angry

gamerchick · 01/12/2015 00:03

Heh that's why I stopped doing my teenagers. Grin

TudorTrace · 01/12/2015 00:04

On another note, this thread is making me fancy a sandwich Blush

Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 01/12/2015 00:07

Me too Tidor. I'm tempted to go down and make one.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 01/12/2015 00:07

Tudor

OP posts:
TudorTrace · 01/12/2015 00:07

OP I won't tell if you don't Grin

Morganly · 01/12/2015 00:08

Nah, don't do it, too tedious. Everyone I know buys lunch at work or gets a sandwich from Asda.

Dontlaugh · 01/12/2015 00:10

A toasted bagel with cream cheese and bacon, anyone?

SocksRock · 01/12/2015 00:17

Just noticed my typo Blush

The upside from my point of view is that he has to eat what I supply. He complains, I stop making them. I did recently, for two weeks, and I haven't had a single complaint since. Might see how far I can push that one.... Anchovy and marmite sandwiches anyone?

Kampeki · 01/12/2015 00:20

Hmm, I don't think you should make his lunch, but it might be quite a nice gesture.

He is working 5-7 long days, doing the morning school runs, pitching in with the baby when he gets home and getting up in the night more than you. I realise that being at home with a small baby is difficult, but it really isn't so bad if you're managing to sleep at night.

I don't think it's a matter of being grown up or otherwise, it's more about teamwork and supporting each other. If it's that important to him, would it really hurt you to make a packed lunch once in a while? But if you really hate doing it, then fair enough.

Lweji · 01/12/2015 00:23

It would make sense for you to make his packed lunch if he was upstairs feeding the baby while you prepared everyone's packed lunches. Otherwise, it would actually make sense for him to do everyone's packed lunches while he prepares his.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 01/12/2015 00:27

Would it make more sense to him if you explained it in terms of how much you work?

You're on full-time leave with a new baby, so that is one full time job. Then you do a lot of cleaning on top of that. So his schedule is quite full on, but so is yours, right?

Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 01/12/2015 00:30

Just to add he does the school runs because his car died when I was pregnant so he uses mine for work. I can't do the school run without a car. When he gets a new car I will be going the school runs again.

OP posts:
Backawaynow2 · 01/12/2015 00:32

God you both sound about 12 and if neither of you can be arsed then let him go to tesco and buy a meal
Deal.

Seriously life too short to bicker about bollocks.

Lweji · 01/12/2015 00:35

God, you do sound like you are about 12 if that's the best you have to say about all this.

The OP is being generous towards her OH by calling it bickering. He is trying to make her do it for him. And insisting on it.
I wouldn't call it bickering...

Lweji · 01/12/2015 00:36

Also, it's not for the OP to "let" her OH go to Tesco or whatever. He is a big boy and can choose what to do or have for his lunch.

Booyaka · 01/12/2015 00:39

It's interesting. There's another thread from earlier today where a woman does a lot of the housework and her partner works but she wants him to do more of the cleaning and everybody said he should. Now we have a bloke who does an awful lot asking his partner to do one small thing and everybody is saying no.

I think on Mumsnet generally if you ask this sort of thing then you just get an answer based on the sex of the person asking. So if a woman asks if a man should do something he always should and is lazy and not contributing. If a woman asks if she should do something for a man then the answer is always no and he's an entitled lazy bastard.

Lweji · 01/12/2015 00:42

Cleaning - benefits entire family
Packed lunch - benefits the person eating it only, particularly because in this instance the OP is doing something else for the child (of both parents) and the OH has left by the time she sorts out her own food and their children

Booyaka · 01/12/2015 00:42

Ah...here we go. He should not only be doing his packed lunches but everybody else's as well. I'm waiting for somebody to say it's abuse....

MarmaladeBasedProtectionRacket · 01/12/2015 00:43

I'll make his lunches - cheese roll, granola bar, apple, water - every single day, that's what I have and I like it, but my family think that's boring and repetitive.

Anyone in the house who is not still at school makes their own, anyone who complains about what is offered can also make their own. Anyone who doesn't get round to making a lunch and buys one instead does so out of their own money - that's you student son.

Kampeki · 01/12/2015 00:43

I agree, booyaka, I often notice this. You'll get lots of people saying that they would express the same view regardless of gender, but I don't think that's reflected in the majority of threads.

Lweji · 01/12/2015 00:45

Erm...
I pointed out earlier that if the OP was already doing hers and the children and it was convenient, that she should also be doing his.

My point in the last post was the difference between doing something that benefits the entire family and doing something that benefits only one person.

But go on as you want to.

Kampeki · 01/12/2015 00:46

But if the dh didn't have to leave the house to go to work, for the benefit of the entire family, he wouldn't need a packed lunch, would he? So it's a bit of a pointless distinction in my view.