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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and should I make Dp's lunch?

223 replies

sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/11/2015 23:05

This is semi lighthearted but Dp and I are bickering over whether I should make his packed lunch for him or not. I've said I will post this and if it's deemed I am being unreasonable then I will make his packed lunch.

Just for clarity I'm on maternity leave at the moment with a 3 month old baby and a 9 year old. He works 5-7 days a week, sometimes long hours in a physical job.

I do all of the housework in the day but he does pitch in when he's home. He washes up every night.

He takes the baby when he gets in and puts her to bed. If she wakes in the night for her dummy he sorts her more often than me.

When I was working he sometimes made my packed lunch.

I just hate making packed lunches. I won't let Ds have them because I hate it so much. So who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Barfuckinghumbug · 30/11/2015 23:32

I used to make up a batch of sandwiches and freeze them as I hated making them so much, only bog standard cheese or ham, might be an idea. Before DH worked away he would make the kids lunch but I hate making them in the morning or night before. Sorry haven't answered you AIBU

nattyknitter · 30/11/2015 23:36

Ahh, so his workmates are surprised that he is a grown up with arms and legs of his own. Who knew?

It wouldn't kill you to make it, but then it wouldn't kill him either.

AnyFucker · 30/11/2015 23:36

I can equate anything I like, especially stuff that you might normally do for a 4yo but a grown man Grin

AnyFucker · 30/11/2015 23:36

not a grown man

Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/11/2015 23:36

Jogger the baby has good days and bad. Some days I can put her down and she's happy and chilled, other days she's like a screaming banshee (today was one of those days).
She's got reflux and a possible cows milk protein intolerance so spends a lot of time being sick.

I'm not sure he would take leftovers because there's no where to heat anything, but I bet he'd love some slag bol hot or cold Socks.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 30/11/2015 23:37

dh does do a lot with baby once home (and fair enough he is a parent as well) but also gets up at night then goes to work and hes made them for you

so yes make them :)

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/11/2015 23:38

slag bol i get Grin but not cold socks?

Postchildrenpregranny · 30/11/2015 23:39

I hated making packed lunches, including my own and my DCs made their own from secondary level (some people thought this was awful-I was working ft . DH ate in staff canteen)
But it would be a loving gesture if it means a lot to him ?
Friend still makes packed lunch for a 26 yr old DS who lives at home 'because she loves him' I wouldn't .

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 30/11/2015 23:39

"Wife work". He's a grown up, if he needs to eat lunch, he needs to make his own. Does he want a mother or a lover?

gamerchick · 30/11/2015 23:39

My husband doesn't expect me to do anything 'for him' if he told me his 'expectations' he would have zero hope of me ever doing it again. 'Remembers the ironing thing'. I will happily do a lot of things to make his life easier and visa versa, we're a team but I won't make his packed lunch. For one I won't have a hand in the things he likes to take and I also object to that much cheese in one sandwich. If he wants to eat it then he can make it himself.

You need to practise the look.

Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/11/2015 23:40

I'd have to make it the night before because I'm normally still upstairs feeding the baby when he leaves. He takes the 9 year old to school on the way to work. I get his bag ready the night before and he can sort his own breakfast and clothes.

I can confirm that he didn't wipe my arse while making my packed lunch.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 30/11/2015 23:42

It's bugger all to do with the people he works with.

That aside, he sounds like a reasonable type from your OP, so I'd make a couple of sarnies, if time permits, or over cater diner and he can take leftovers. I would also make it clear that with a small baby to look after there is no gaurantee that there will be time to make sandwiches so he'll have to make his own on some days. Possibly most days.

ouryve · 30/11/2015 23:42

DH makes his own packed lunch, even though I've usually made D2's an hour beforehand.

The only bit I would do is make a sandwich, anyhow, and that takes him 2 minutes, with a filling of his choice. Even if I made the sarnie, he'd still pack his own box with that plus a plethora of fruit and snacks.

FTR, he does his own ironing, too. I pretty much cripple myself sorting out me and most of the boys' stuff.

As for his co-workers being surprised you don't do it for him, there's the problem. They don't live with you, so they can jog on back to their caves

Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/11/2015 23:44

Blondeshavemorefun I was talking to the poster called Socksrock who first mentioned the slag bol.

I think his Mum spoilt him when he went to stay with her for a week when he was working nearby. She made him his lunch everyday, washed all his clothes and had his favourite food on the table when he came in from work.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/11/2015 23:45

But the grown man made packed lunches for the grown woman AF, when she was working.

Some families are like that.

It's not about age, it's about pitching in.

Not that I think the OP should necessarily return the favour if she doesn't want to, but it has nothing to do with being a grown up.

ouryve · 30/11/2015 23:45

I also object to that much cheese in one sandwich

And this sort of sentiment (though you can never have too much cheese in one sandwich, even when it disagrees with you as much as it does me) is precisely why I leave DH to shift for himself in the lunchbox department.

Dontlaugh · 30/11/2015 23:47

I'm sorry, you want me to make WHAT? A LUNCH? For you??
But you're (insert age here) I thought, not 4. How cute! Good luck with that. There's the fridge. Make me one while you're at it.

oobedobe · 30/11/2015 23:47

Oh we had this in our house, I refused to do it!

My reasoning was he has way more time than me in the morning, I have an hour to get myself and DCs ready, breakfast for everyone and make 1 packed lunch for DD1 (basic stuff, he would want different).

My argument was if he can spend 30 mins sitting on the loo having a leisure poo then surely he has 5 mins to make himself a lunch. The issue is not lack of time it is not being arsed to do it yourself.

So YANBU.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 30/11/2015 23:48

Wow - I think he's very lucky you already do all you do!

You have a three month old baby. Yes, it's nice he gets her dummy if she wakes wanting that, but presumably someone is feeding her in the night, right? You mention feeding the baby when he leaves for work.

Sure, he's working hard, but so are you. You say sometimes the baby is really hard to settle.

IMO he should be making his own lunch - maybe it'd be really nice if the baby settled and you happened to make it, but he shouldn't assume that when you've had a sleepless night, you're likely to feel like doing him a favour.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 30/11/2015 23:49

He sounds like he does quite a lot so why not?

VimFuego101 · 30/11/2015 23:50

I would do it if I was pottering around in the kitchen in the evening/ awake in time in the morning if he pulled his weight in other areas. In our house whoever makes dinner usually does packed lunches since they're in the fridge pulling out bits and pieces and boxing up leftovers anyway.

wiltingfast · 30/11/2015 23:51

I think adults should look after their own food. End of story.

My mother used to nag me was I "feeding" my dh enough. I used to relay this occasionally to my dh in a vaguely worried manner. He kindly pointed out the above. Said it was not my responsibility to feed him.

He was right.

Dontlaugh · 30/11/2015 23:53

I think it has everything to do with being a grown up, and not expecting to be waited on. Fair enough, no doubt we have all made sarnies in our day, and hopefully had them made for us. But it is not a right nor an expectation that sarnies are made, simply because one has produced a baby from one's body and is at home, exhausted, and doubtless also hungry at lunch.
Does possessing a cunt mean we should all work at Pret?

Original poster
sleeplessinmybedroom · 30/11/2015 23:54

The baby sleeps through the night so I do get a full nights sleep. Hopefully now I've said it out loud I won't be cursed forever more with a non sleeping baby.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 30/11/2015 23:54

I make my husbands lunch if I'm doing the kids or if I'm making toast or something at night, I'd ask if he wants some sandwiches knocked together. In the same way if he's making a cup of coffee, he'll make a cup of tea for me - he doesn't say "Nope, you're a grown woman, make your own tea", or if he's standing in the kitchen I'll ask him to bring me out a packet of crisps he'd look like a bit if an eejit if he refused because he's not having any.

I'm sure if pushed I could find someone in my husbands work who would be surprised I don't iron shirts or any of the other inane bits and bobs that spring up in a household but he had more sense than to tell me.

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