To be narked a grown woman is texting my 11yo ds?

[OiledBegg]

Myself and my 11yo ds's father are divorced but have a great co-parenting relationship.

Through a hobby, exH is friends with a woman who is in her mid 30s and married. No children.

Ds is also involved with this hobby so has met this woman many times and they get on well and see each other frequently. She bought him a little bday present which I thought was sweet.

For ds's bday a week ago he got his first mobile phone. Mainly to keep in touch with the parent he isn't with that particular weekend, and to get him used to keeping in touch with us ready for when he's older and more independent.

ExH clearly gave this woman ds's number as she's been texting him a few times in the last week.

The first message was some quote from a film/series that I don't know of which was "hey baby, you smell good you been bathing in cupcakes and rainbows again?"

Then he replied, and she text back with "now you have my number you contact me if you need to, about anything at all ok?xxx"

Aibu to find this annoying, and feel kinda undermined as his mother? The other texts are just "morning! Have a good day at school!" and stuff like that.

Also is this even appropriate behaviour? What if ds were a girl and this adult friend were male, surely it'd be majorly off so why is it different that he's a boy?

Or am I being jealous and precious and totally overreacting?

[seven201]

I also don't think it's appropriate for any adult (family excluded) to be texting anyone under the age of 16. If it's just arranging something then that's a bit different, but anything else is just wrong.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

Def inapproprite. Has she got an interest in your ex and is trying to be really cool with your DS to impress him.

[Crazypetlady]

What an odd transcript I have just read it.

[Crocodilelily]

No different to a grown man calling an eleven year old little girl 'baby' and that she smells nice. Contact her, or get his father to contact her...totally inappropriate.

[Floggingmolly]

The texts are completely inappropriate; but so is your Ex giving her your son's number in the first place... Why did he think she'd want / need to contact him And if she asked for it and he just blithely gave it without question that's just as bad.
She's a problem, but so is he.

[NashvilleQueen]

It's not a film. It's a cartoon called Adventure Time. Quirky and very funny and brilliant.

However the use of it in this context is unpleasant and smacks of some kind of grooming behaviour. It's akin to 'do you want to see some puppies' of the 70s. I think I would text her and say you find it inappropriate and ask her to stop.

[HicDraconis]

Undecided. Purely because I am a grown woman, who has at least one 11yo male friend on FB who I met through a shared hobby. We have occasionally communicated via messenger (mostly organising where to meet at hobby related evenings out - his mother is more comfortable with him going on these if she knows he is going with an adult from our club and not alone).

However I'd never send him the first text - completely inappropriate, quote or not (assume however that they have both seen or discussed this series as he got the source straight away). I did message him some good luck wishes on his first day at a new school, have occasionally messaged birthday greetings, or good luck for hobby related events.

Crucial differences (I think) - in our case the boy is a friend of the entire family (through the hobby), we have met his mother several times so she knows we're not dodgy, the hobby we do doesn't really take age into account, more ability - so you get 7 year olds training with 40 year olds. I would have no problem with my almost-10 yo being FB friends with any of the club members or messaging them. Of course at his age he doesn't have social media access yet.

I can see my situation being twisted sort of into something similar to the OP - except for the cupcakes quote which I still think is wrong. That's the only thing which makes me concerned.

[FattyNinjaOwl]

crazypetlady its adventure time. There's not many things weirder. And I say that as a fan
I like adventure time and Pokémon etc, and have a 13 yo brother but I dont contact his friends! That would be weird.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

I agree floggin what was your ex thinking? I think your ex and this 'married' woman have a lot more going on.

[Notagainmun]

DS is a children's sports coach and any phone numbers he has are those of the parents. Same with social media only contact with parents. I agree message her, block her and tell your ex.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

.I don't know about annoying more like very very inappropriate. Also whastd your ex dp thinking of giving your little boys number out like that.
WTF would text an 11 year old child. That they barely knew.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

hidraconis I think that what you're doing is wrong. If you were to phone the child about the hobby, you would speak to the parent first. The thing about texting is the parents have no knowledge. It's too direct. I would think you were being inappropriate.

[OhBigHairyBollocks]

Definitely talk to ex-h about this. Totally inappropriate

[Unreasonablebetty]

The thing that really creeps me out is you mention there are texts where she's saying good morning enjoy school.
The only person I have texted on a daily basis with similar texts was someone I was madly in love with and I text him each morning to know that it would open up a conversation- it was for the months after we split up, it was an odd situation.
But she's quite obviously thinking of your son daily to text him. It makes it all beyond odd.

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Very strange, definitely chat to your ex and put a stop to it

[fuzzpig]

Not RTFT but based on the OP YANBU. I had to google the quote - Adventure Time has heaps of quotable lines, surely most of them are more appropriate than 'hey baby you smell good'. Ick.

[ImperialBlether]

Just read some of the transcript of Adventure. So a woman who's in her mid-30s without children watches that? Why would you do that?

I agree with sending her a text saying how inappropriate it is and that you will contact the police if she sends him even one more message.

[ImperialBlether]

It would be interesting to know whether she asked for his number. Would your ex have volunteered this without her asking?

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

You need to contact her and talk to her about this and put a stop to it, It does sound like she is grooming him.

for comparision I have an 11 year old on facebook i'm friends with, I Wouldn't dream of PMing him. I keep any messages short and to the point, I'm not rude, but as an adult i'd want to make sure his parents know about any interaction between us and not get too friendly / chatty. It's just sensible.

[atticusclaw2]

TBH for any grown woman (or man for that matter) to be friends with an 11 year old is a bit unusual.

[etsiketsi]

I have a boy this age and am generally pretty relaxed, but this would absolutely be ringing alarm bells. Forget texting her, I'd be reporting it and letting people with expertise find out whether it is a cause for concern or not..

[P1nkP0ppy]

No different to a grown man calling an eleven year old little girl 'baby' and that she smells nice?
Highly inappropriate behaviour.
Going off at a tangent, years ago bf's 14 year old DS was meeting a 28 year old woman. She didn't realise how old he was apparently.... Bf's DH threatened her with the police. Several years later she was jailed for grooming youngsters.

[strawberryandaflake]

Possible grooming. She has no real resin to be in contact. Block and possibly confront her about it.

[BollocksToThat1]

If this was a bloke texting a child it would be red flagged at once.

This is why womem often get away with sexual abuse.

Safeguarding mantra

think the unthinkable

[Dowser]

My 11 year old grandson has just left the building.

He definitely does not smell of cupcakes and rainbows . Neither does his six year old sister.

Eugh! I wouldn't dream of saying anything like that to him. He'd think I'd lost the plot if I did!

I'd have to take the bull by the horns ring her and ask her would she be happy if her son was getting texts like that because I'm definitely not.