To be narked a grown woman is texting my 11yo ds?

[OiledBegg]

Myself and my 11yo ds's father are divorced but have a great co-parenting relationship.

Through a hobby, exH is friends with a woman who is in her mid 30s and married. No children.

Ds is also involved with this hobby so has met this woman many times and they get on well and see each other frequently. She bought him a little bday present which I thought was sweet.

For ds's bday a week ago he got his first mobile phone. Mainly to keep in touch with the parent he isn't with that particular weekend, and to get him used to keeping in touch with us ready for when he's older and more independent.

ExH clearly gave this woman ds's number as she's been texting him a few times in the last week.

The first message was some quote from a film/series that I don't know of which was "hey baby, you smell good you been bathing in cupcakes and rainbows again?"

Then he replied, and she text back with "now you have my number you contact me if you need to, about anything at all ok?xxx"

Aibu to find this annoying, and feel kinda undermined as his mother? The other texts are just "morning! Have a good day at school!" and stuff like that.

Also is this even appropriate behaviour? What if ds were a girl and this adult friend were male, surely it'd be majorly off so why is it different that he's a boy?

Or am I being jealous and precious and totally overreacting?

[lizzydrippingsghost]

i would text back
this is xxx mother, if my son needs anything he will come to me or his father.
im with you op, i wouldnt like it at all

[MoreGilmoreGirls]

Are you sure there isn't anything between this woman and your ex? I'd potable speak to him first but yes it's rather inappropriate. YANBU

[CocoChanel22]

Inappropriate in every way. Bloody weird. Can you talk to DS dad about it? Then block the her number.

[MoreGilmoreGirls]

Dur probably

[MrsHathaway]

Sports clubs, drama clubs etc have a safeguarding officer if they have under-18s. You (the child's parents) could approach that person in confidence.

She might just think she's being chatty and have no idea how badly her actions could be misconstrued. Either way the club has a duty to protect its members.

I spoke to our safeguarding officer (adult/child hobby group) before accepting the FB friend requests of the teenagers in the group. It's not like approaching the police or social services.

[AyeAmarok]

That first message is very strange. Very very strange.

Only non-dodgy explanation I cam think is maybe your DS had a falling out with his dad at this hobby and she spoke to him about it? But even that's weird, because he has another parent for that.

I'd be concerned, I think.

[Paga]

She is probably harmless but she either has poor boundaries or what hearts said.

[Finola1step]

Spot on Fairylea

[Dontyouopenthattrapdoor]

I think she wants to be his new ultra cool Stepmum.

[Paga]

As you are on good terms with exh (and congratulation for that), then talk to him.

[atticusclaw2]

I am generally someone who doesn't see sinister motives behind every act however I would be very uncomfortable with this and would text her along the following lines

"Hello x. This is Oiledbegg I am uncomfortable with you texting my 11 year old son. This must stop immediately or I will take the matter further. It is entirely inappropriate. I will be blocking your number from his phone."


I suspect you might find she is soon in a relationship with your exH though

[BollocksToThat1]

Bollocks to that she's flirting with him and it's totally inappropriate.

I would be demanding a meeting with her and you and ex and tell her she stops sexting your child or you will contact the police/Ss.

She's grooming him. No adult would think those texts were innocent or normal.

[OneMoreCasualty]

Yy inappropriate

[GreenPotato]

The smell one is gross. I agree with others, reverse the sexes and no one would be in any doubt that that is way, way out of order, and you would not be (and are not) overreacting. She must be mad to think this is an OK thing to do.

She needs to be told and I would be discussing this with ex too. Does he realise?

[Muskey]

I'd be annoyed tbh. A few months ago one of dd school friends wanted to be friends on Facebook with me (she was 11) at the time. I had a quiet word with her mum as I was concerned that it was inappropriate for both of us. So I would speak to this "grown up and ask her to back off". Just out of curiosity what does your ds think about it.

[RJnomore1]

Are you sure she doesn't think it's your exes number she's texting???

[BollocksToThat1]

she is probably harmless

My arse. If a middle aged bloke texted that bollicks to an 11 year old girl no one would think he was harmless.

Women abuse too. Think the unthinkable op and stop this vile creature in her tracks.

[GruntledOne]

I think you do need to talk to your ex about this and about keeping this woman away from your son when he does the hobby.

[OneMoreCasualty]

RJ that is worth checking!

[Kr1stina]

I agree with Mrs Hathaway . My children are all involved in various clubs and all the adults are very strict about this, they are not even allowed to have the kids phone numbers on their phones .

My DD is is nearly 16 does some voluntary work there and the young woman who mentors her ( who is about 22) has to copy her email messages to my daughter to me too . And they checked if it was ok for her to email my Dd direct . These aren't social messages BTW, they are about when she's on the rota and what her duties will be .

And when another girl ( who is about 19 ) offered my DD a lift home from an event, she got her to call me first to check it was OK.

So they can't just go " oh it's ok , because these are young women only slightly older than my DD " . They have to have the same rules for them as they would for a 45 yo man .

I think these are standard procedures, as they are the same across all the clubs they go to, which are totally different types ( musical, sport, voluntary organisation, public sector )

[WitchSharkadder]

I have an 11 year old DS and I'd be very uncomfortable with this too, OP.

Agree that is sounds like she's trying to worm her way into a step-mum role though, but she needs to save the flirty texts for your ex. I would probably call her to say that you find her texting your son inappropriate and that you will be blocking her number on his phone.

[Cheby]

This is utterly bizarre, totally inappropriate. OP seeing as you have a good relationship with your ex I would raise it with him, get his view on it but I would expect him to agree that you should both be blocking the number and that ex should be supervising any contact between them at the hobby in future.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Unless OP exDH works in a school, I doubt the texts are for him.

Yes, I'd be steaming if a grown adult was sending my kid texts like that.

[DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow]

Lets be honest. If this was a 30 odd year old man who sent that first text to an 11 year old girl, most people would be saying speak to the police to take their advice.

I'd text her...
"Hi, this is X's mum. Your texts to my 11 year old child are totally inappropriate, both in content and frequency. Do not contact my son again or I will take this matter to the police".

Then I'd speak to your ex, and send him screenshots, and the message I'd be getting across to him would be similar... "Ex, I find your friends messages to be totally inappropriate in content and frequency. I've told her not to contact our son again. We need to have a talk about this hobby and the level of contact he will have with her. I have serious concerns and won't hesitate to take this further if I'm not satisfied that our son is safe".

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Very, very inappropriate. I wouldn't be 'narked', I would be furious and very worried. At best she is being extremely naive and needs to be stopped for her own protection from suspicions, at worst she is indeed grooming him. I wouldn't be hanging around to find out which it is.

Block the woman's number, speak to your ex and speak (preferably you and your ex together) to whoever is responsible for safeguarding at the club.

Even if your ex is/were in a relationship with this woman, I wouldn't consider this remotely OK.