To be narked a grown woman is texting my 11yo ds?

[OiledBegg]

Myself and my 11yo ds's father are divorced but have a great co-parenting relationship.

Through a hobby, exH is friends with a woman who is in her mid 30s and married. No children.

Ds is also involved with this hobby so has met this woman many times and they get on well and see each other frequently. She bought him a little bday present which I thought was sweet.

For ds's bday a week ago he got his first mobile phone. Mainly to keep in touch with the parent he isn't with that particular weekend, and to get him used to keeping in touch with us ready for when he's older and more independent.

ExH clearly gave this woman ds's number as she's been texting him a few times in the last week.

The first message was some quote from a film/series that I don't know of which was "hey baby, you smell good you been bathing in cupcakes and rainbows again?"

Then he replied, and she text back with "now you have my number you contact me if you need to, about anything at all ok?xxx"

Aibu to find this annoying, and feel kinda undermined as his mother? The other texts are just "morning! Have a good day at school!" and stuff like that.

Also is this even appropriate behaviour? What if ds were a girl and this adult friend were male, surely it'd be majorly off so why is it different that he's a boy?

Or am I being jealous and precious and totally overreacting?

[mrsjanedoe]

It doesn't sound right at all. As above, I would contact her telling her to communicate only via us parents, block her number from his phone and discuss with father.

[AnnekaRice]

I'd be cross with your ex (and assume she was into him and thus getting claws into DS for that purpose - but does seem dodgy yes)

[atticusclaw2]

That line is from a cartoon network programme called Adventure Time. The Episode is called Slow Love. One character is demonstrating how to chat up girls. He sniffs the friend's hand and delivers the line in a low sexy voice.

It's entirely inappropriate. I would take that as the woman delivering a chat up line to your DS.

transcript here adventuretime.wikia.com/wiki/Slow_Love/Transcript

[AcrossthePond55]

Totally inappropriate!! I had two thoughts. Firstly, she's single and using your son to 'get' to his father. Secondly, there seems to be an upswing in females grooming minors for inappropriate relationships, or at least it's in the news more. I'd be very worried about that.

My first call would be to the ex. He needs to know about the texts and you need to know what he thinks about them. Second call (or text) would be to the woman in question telling her to knock it off.

[Unreasonablebetty]

She sounds like a creep.
Id reccommend speaking to your ex, and the both of you constructing a message to her, sent from the both of you, so you are both on the same page, as a united front against her protecting your son.

[mintoil]

Grooming - do what doctorgoogle said.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Btw, when I have spoken to my sons (the eldest is 10) about safety, I have made it clear to them that while abusers are usually men, women can and do abuse too.

[Unreasonablebetty]

*against her, and protecting your son.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

The woman isnt single so shes playing a dangerous game. Good job she dont have kids.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Totally inappropriate.

[Elendon]

Speak to your Ex and tell him you find it inappropriate and have blocked the number. That's what I would do. Do not contact her.

[GasLightShining]

Not appropriate at all.

I did have the odd number of DS's friends and their mum had DS's. Not to chat if you need anything but sometimes DS would say battery low call me on so an so's number

[MascaraAndConverse89]

As a few others have said, if this was a man sending texts to an 11 year old girl, then that would be inappropriate.

A woman sending messages to a boy is just as bad.

I'd be telling her to stop immediately.

[Awoof]

Creepy :( block her and have a good chat with d's about what is appropriate behaviour from adults. I'd tell her to back the fuck off before I got the police involved and tell exdh in no uncertain terms that she is a weirdo

[OiledBegg]

That's it anticus, from adventure. Never seen that programme but I know it's something they both watch.

RJ she definitely knows it's my ds's phone as at first he was signing off texts with his name.

[TesticleOfObjectivity]

That's not on at all. It's a bit sickening actually and it's given me the creeps. What the hell kind of adult sends texts like that to a child? I'd speak to your ex about it but make it clear you do not want a repeat and I wouldn't want my child left alone with her either.

[DragonsCanHop]

I agree with fairylea I would also be calling her and telling her to back off.

[VagueIdeas]

It didn't occur to me that she might be an aspiring stepmum. That is the least sinister explanation. Still inappropriate though.

[MrsUltra]

I am a safeguarding officer for an amateur sports club and any communications should go to the parent, not the child. I would have to report it as a concern otherwise. I know people think this is jobsworthyness, but this would ring alarm bells - is not ok.
My 15 yo son has guitar lessons and originally it was me texting the teacher about lesson times. Then it made more sense for my DS to contact him instead - he knows his schedule/homework etc better then me and needs to take responsibility now. The teacher emailed me, asking if I gave my consent for him to be in text contact with DS re the lesson times. He explained that he would never text a child for any reason unless the parents were okay with even simple arrangements for guitar lesson times...

[ThatsNiceDear]

That's beyond creepy. How on earth did you know that was a film quote? Weirdest thing I've heard in here, I'm a bit tbh.

[OiledBegg]

With regards to the hobby - It's that they all enjoy the same sport so all attend the same facility at the same time, rather than them being in any particular club as such.

[ohtheholidays]

Not right and I have some of our older sons friends on FB,boys and girls(they all added me)I'm the surrogate big sister/auntie relationship for alot of them and have helped out with teen pregnancy scares,nasty boyfriends/stepdad's,self harming,drugs/drink problems.But I've known this children for along time,I know alot of the familys and the one's that come to me for help really don't have a great life and usually have parents that are very disconnected to they're children.

Your parenting sounds the complete opposite so I can't think of any legit reason for her to be contacting your son and I think it's seriously odd that his Dad gave the women your sons number.

[FlipperDipper2]

Oh dear, this is horrible. What on earth is she thinking?!

I think you MUST text her back from DS's phone and say 'Hi [NAME], This is DS's mother here. His phone is only for contacting his parents. He's too young to be having text conversations with other adults - for his own safety. I'm sure you understand. I'll delete your number now so please don't text him again.'

Please don't worry about looking bad or upsetting people etc, because this is a critical moment when you can protect your child or not and so many people get this bit wrong because they don't want to make a fuss or overreact.