To be narked a grown woman is texting my 11yo ds?

[OiledBegg]

Myself and my 11yo ds's father are divorced but have a great co-parenting relationship.

Through a hobby, exH is friends with a woman who is in her mid 30s and married. No children.

Ds is also involved with this hobby so has met this woman many times and they get on well and see each other frequently. She bought him a little bday present which I thought was sweet.

For ds's bday a week ago he got his first mobile phone. Mainly to keep in touch with the parent he isn't with that particular weekend, and to get him used to keeping in touch with us ready for when he's older and more independent.

ExH clearly gave this woman ds's number as she's been texting him a few times in the last week.

The first message was some quote from a film/series that I don't know of which was "hey baby, you smell good you been bathing in cupcakes and rainbows again?"

Then he replied, and she text back with "now you have my number you contact me if you need to, about anything at all ok?xxx"

Aibu to find this annoying, and feel kinda undermined as his mother? The other texts are just "morning! Have a good day at school!" and stuff like that.

Also is this even appropriate behaviour? What if ds were a girl and this adult friend were male, surely it'd be majorly off so why is it different that he's a boy?

Or am I being jealous and precious and totally overreacting?

[P1nkP0ppy]

And wtf was exh doing giving her his number. His behaviour is just as inappropriate ..l

[3littlebadgers]

I am very uneasy with this whole situation. I think you need to have a good chat with DH maybe show him the thread? It could be possible he is too close to the situation to be able to think without bias.
I generally think good of people but I can't think how that could be at all appropriate. I think the only times I have sent direct messages to minors would be 'happy birthday' in which case I have always sent a more long winded message to the parent too, and even in that case it would only be the children who practically live at our house anyway or my godchildren. Thinking about it, even those children, who I spend loads of time with, it would never even cross my mind to wish them a good day, they just don't pop into my head like that.
I think you should trust your mothers instincts. Very strange indeed.

[Tapirs]

Creepy as fuck.
She would need to stay away from my son in future.

[BriarRainbowshimmer]

"hey baby, you smell good"
Cartoon quote or not, sending that to a kid makes her sound like a peado to be honest. You're not overreacting.

[Tapirs]

Completely away. Physically and in every other way. It screams BIG FUCKING RED FLAG.

[Tapirs]

If you have any nonsense from your DH about it because he likes this woman - show him this thread.

[BollocksToThat1]

Make sure you keep the evidence op incase she gets into a relationship with your dh

Your child needs protecting from her. She's a grooming paedophile. I have no hesitation about saying that.

[BumpTheElephant]

Not normal or appropriate behaviour at all!
It's odd that she
A. Has his number (I presume she asked for it.)
B. Texts him (especially the film quote)
C. Thinks about him enough to send him messages

She's grooming him, she may not be aware that's what she's doing but she is and it needs to be stopped.

[RaspberryOverload]

I read the OP out to my 15 yr old DD. Even she said it was totally inappropriate for this woman to be texting.

[MermaidVsSailor]

OP, while obviously I agree that she should be contacted and told to stop immediately and you should be ringing your ex to fill him in (and also to ask why he thought it was appropriate to give her his number to begin with?!), I think you should also have a chat with your son.
He needs to know that he's done absolutely nothing wrong and that woman was being inappropriate. A family member of mine was in a sort of similar situation and unfortunately their DC thought they themselves were in the wrong and felt guilty for no reason. Just worth thinking about!

[d270r0]

Check shes not contacting him through other ways, eg email, facebook, via the hobby.

[Jackie0]

It's grooming , I wouldn't be tiptoeing around it.
If it was a grown man sending this to your 11 year old daughter, it would be called grooming , the fact that she is a woman makes no difference.

[3littlebadgers]

How is your son? Is he ok in himself? Thank goodness you have a good relationship and he is very open with you

[londonrach]

Safeguarding issue here. Op phone her and speak to her.

[OiledBegg]

Thanks for all your replies. Ds didn't actually offer the information to me, I checked his phone myself today. Glad I did!

I'm going to speak to my exH about it over the weekend. I've just run the whole thing past my mum who agrees it's odd and inappropriate and needs to be flagged up.

Ds is absolutely fine in himself 3littlebadgers, he openly enjoys this woman being around and hasn't found anything strange which is probably exactly how adults get away with grooming children.

[Jackie0]

Why speak to her?
What on earth do you think she's going to say ?
' you got me haha'
I'd be speaking to the police and if you ever were put in the position of having contact with her make sure there is a third party present.

[EleanorRigsby]

Here’s an alternative view to the grooming one…..

I Googled the quote: turns out it’s from a children’s cartoon called Adventure Time - I’ve never seen it but it seems it has Jake and Finn and talking creatures as a cast. I only scanned the transcript (there’s a whole wiki for this show - good ol’ t’interweb) but it seems that one of the characters is having trouble finding a girlfriend and doesn’t know how to talk to girls….. One of the characters uses the quoted line inappropriately and everyone is uncomfortable, but all goes well in the end…
So making assumptions….maybe the lady and your son watched the cartoon together and had a good laugh about it and its something they may say to each other when they meet, for a laugh instead of a normal hello.
You say that all other texts are just normal.
They seem to obviously have a functioning relationship - that seems a healthy thing to me.
Raising boys is difficult and the more adult interaction they get the better - the saying goes…”it takes a village to raise a man”

Clearly what you really need to do is talk to all those involved.

[Keeptrudging]

I agree with PPs saying to contact the safeguarding officer. She may not just be texting your son, and they need to be aware.

My DD is a member of multiple sports groups. They all have a clear child protection policy. Contact is always through parents, as it should be. I won't even add my DD's friends on any social media, including her best friend, and I've known some of them since nursery.

There is no reason for her to have your son's number. If an adult sent those sort of messages to my daughter I would be going to the police with them, as it is grooming behaviour that they may well want to have a chat with her about/record it somewhere.

[HemanOrSheRa]

She may not just be texting your son, and they need to be aware.
Indeed Keep. That is why I wouldn't be speaking to her or exDH at all. As much as I want to. I'm not someone who sees bad everywhere and in everyone. But, really, this is not appropriate behaviour for a grown woman.

[HemanOrSheRa]

*As much as I WOULD want to.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yanbu at all, I would tell ex, tell him your deleting and blocking her number from his phone as is inappropriate.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

Eleanor even if they are using it innocently, she is lowering his boundaries on this sort of thing. She needs to be stopped from treading such a dangerous path.

And it takes "a village to raise a child". Not a man.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I woukd also call the Police and ask fir advice if SS safeguarding team. Why the hell did your ex, give him her number .

[Gruntfuttock]

EleanorRigsby Yes, we know all that, it was in a previous post.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

OP, I've got a 9yo DS and if a grown woman sent him messages like that either now, or when he was 11, or 13, or 15, I would not be happy. I'd be checking his sent and received call log to see if they've had verbal contact too - are you able to do that?

I do hope your ex-H takes this seriously. If he doesn't and instead dismisses your concerns, it probably points to him and this woman possibly being involved in some way.