Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

To find ex SILs behaviour spoilt and passive aggressive

318 replies

beltedmaisy · 27/11/2015 13:45

My DB works very hard and as ex SIL has no living family a lot of the childcare for their DS falls to our side, this is fine we are happy to have him and don't charge SIL. There has never been any animosity.

SIL has always bought birthday gifts for our family from DS and herself presumably by way of thanks for our help.

She has just been to our house dropping off Santa presents for DN as we have more room to hide them until Christmas eve and she also slipped us a gift set and asked if we could wrap it with DN and give it to him for him to give to her Christmas morning when questioned further she explained how he'd been a bit upset on her birthday which was a few weeks ago when his teacher asked if mummy had gotten anything nice.

AIBU to think it's not our responsibility, we're doing more than enough as it is and that the last thing a 5 year old is thinking about is a gift set for his mother? It's left a really bad taste in my mouth and makes ex SIL come across very passive aggressive!

OP posts:

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/11/2015 13:58

^Of course I don't mind wrapping
wrapping it, I would buy something if he had asked. It's the martyr behaviour I find insulting^

Um. He's 5.

Do you think - and I'm just throwing this out here - that perhaps she didn't ask you to buy anything as not doing so without being asked is a both thoughtless/heartless?

ProfGrammaticus · 27/11/2015 13:58

I don't see why she is being a martyr or being passive aggressive. And of course someone should help her young son give her a present - your brother should have sorted this out himself.

Katiekatiekatiekay · 27/11/2015 13:58

It's really hurtful for parent & child when you're separated & don't get anything presents wise. she has no dm to take dn out to buy something so she's asking you. She hasn't asked you to take him out & choose something so she's cut that but out for you. She doesn't really want a crappy gift set does she?? She knows children love to give as well as receive & is trying to make that a possibility for him. Go along with it fgs

Kittykatmacbill · 27/11/2015 13:59

I don't get why she is being a martyr? She just wants her son to feel like he got her present, and as been said before your Db should be taking her son out to pick something! I think the least you can do is help him wrap a present...

Sorry, yabu.

GabiSolis · 27/11/2015 13:59

There has to be more to this as you're coming across not only as completely unreasonable, but also nasty and mean.

If you forgot her birthday, I wouldn't blame her for making some sort of stand about it. And why is it so bad for her to buy something for her DS to give her? (Clue: it isn't bad at all)

Unless this is a reverse, this is the easiest YABU I have seen in a long time.

lucymootoo · 27/11/2015 13:59

YABVU

Sighing · 27/11/2015 14:01

She's made you feel guilty, becaise she's trying to get him used to 'everyone gets a gift'. The DN ought to really feel that his mum is getting something as he's at school and around other children who will probably have that experience of choosing mum / dad a gift.
You might feel it was a dig. It might have even been a mild dig. BUT she's resolved to fix it herself. She's hardly dragged out a drama. Just got on with it.

TheCarpenter · 27/11/2015 14:01

I would buy something if he had asked.

Well then she's saved you (and your brother) the bother, wrap it with the bairn. Job done.

wowis · 27/11/2015 14:01

so this is ex sil, what is the relationship between db and ex sil like? Are they on friendly terms etc? I guess I can understand not getting her presents if they arent together any more... but I agree with pp that if she has no one to ask for help with her son giving her something it seems ok to me that she would ask you to help with that...

diddl · 27/11/2015 14:02

Gosh, you sound as if you don't like her at all!

She only asked to to wrap something.

And surely unless told otherwise he'll think that you sorted it out to give to her!

Why would you be charging her for childcare if your brother isn't charged?

Surely your family looking after their son still benefits him even if they aren't together?

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/11/2015 14:05

There's only one passive aggressive weirdy meany pants on this thread and it's not SIL.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/11/2015 14:06

Yeah, yabu. It doesn't sound as though you think much of her. Seems like you are just trying to find a problem and you've picked something daft.

Katiekatiekatiekay · 27/11/2015 14:06

Of course I don't mind wrapping
wrapping it, I would buy something if he had asked. asked?? He's 5
It's the martyr behaviour I find insulting
So iyo how should she have dealt with this sensitive subject?
Btw why would you charge her for childcare? Do you mean charge your brother?

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 27/11/2015 14:06

Yabu. Doesn't sound like matyr behaviour to me. Just try to cheer her DS up about the present thing.

Also it is your db who you should be fed up with if she got no presents?

And why is it sil who would pay for childcare/is using you are childcare? Why isn't it your db?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/11/2015 14:07

I would also suggest you check your definition of passive aggressive. Because I'm not seeing it, like everyone else here.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 27/11/2015 14:07

I never think anyone is being unreasonable in this section but on this occasion I think you are being a bit if a cow. Only you know the back story here but going from what you have written I think your SIL is being far from unreasonable and your brother should make sure in future that he gets a gift for your nephew to wrap and give his Mother. Bloody hell you have already said she has no family of her own, it's not too much to ask is it!!

wigglesrock · 27/11/2015 14:07

Why would you or anyone in your family charge sil, why if they were going to charge at all not charge your brother?

If you don't like her, you don't like her, but this example doesn't cover you with glory to be honest. I have an almost 5 year old, she is obsessed with buying me and her dad a Christmas present.

3luckystars · 27/11/2015 14:10

Unbelievable. There must be more to this because I can't believe anyone would be so lousy.

WorraLiberty · 27/11/2015 14:11

It sounds as though she just wants to do that thing that a lot of couples do...where they buy each other a gift 'from the kids' just so they can be involved in gift giving.

It's no different to a DP buying a Mother's/Father's day gift from the kids and giving it to them to hand over.

Except she hasn't got a DP so she's asking you to do it.

Hygge · 27/11/2015 14:12

I think you are being unreasonable.

When DS was almost four he asked his teacher to make a special point of wishing me happy birthday, because he was excited and that was the only surprise he could arrange on his own.

She told me he'd been planning that for days beforehand and kept reminding her what day my birthday was.

So I do believe that your nephew might have been telling his teacher about his mum's birthday, and then felt upset when the teacher asked him if she had some nice presents.

It's one present, to make a five year old happy. She didn't ask you to buy her anything, she just wants her child to feel happy about giving a gift as well as receiving them. He will be excited about having a surprise for his mum, that's a nice thing.

I can't see what she's done as being spoilt or passive-aggressive to be honest.

maras2 · 27/11/2015 14:13

What on earth do you mean by saying that you do enough as it is? He's your brother's child FGS.Don't be so bloody nasty. must wrap the present and grow up!

diddl · 27/11/2015 14:13

Even if there is more to it, it's really about the boy, not the mum, isn't it?

Giving OP a present to wrap with her nephew so that he can excitedly give it to his mum on CD.

Does your brother have to get his own pressie & ask someone to wrap it with his son??

stitchglitched · 27/11/2015 14:17

God I can't imagine a more mean spirited response to helping a 5 year old be able to give his Mum a little gift, which your brother ought to be doing anyway.

NanaNina · 27/11/2015 14:17

I reckon OP has the message now!

Hatethis22 · 27/11/2015 14:18

You may have set a new level of unreasonableness.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread