To find ex SILs behaviour spoilt and passive aggressive

[beltedmaisy]

My DB works very hard and as ex SIL has no living family a lot of the childcare for their DS falls to our side, this is fine we are happy to have him and don't charge SIL. There has never been any animosity.

SIL has always bought birthday gifts for our family from DS and herself presumably by way of thanks for our help.

She has just been to our house dropping off Santa presents for DN as we have more room to hide them until Christmas eve and she also slipped us a gift set and asked if we could wrap it with DN and give it to him for him to give to her Christmas morning when questioned further she explained how he'd been a bit upset on her birthday which was a few weeks ago when his teacher asked if mummy had gotten anything nice.

AIBU to think it's not our responsibility, we're doing more than enough as it is and that the last thing a 5 year old is thinking about is a gift set for his mother? It's left a really bad taste in my mouth and makes ex SIL come across very passive aggressive!

[manana21]

I think the opprobrium can be shared between op, ex-MIL and the ex-h here. Yes they do free childcare, but they're obviously secretly judging her constantly, don't like her and view any minor requests with mistrust. I hope I don't have to rely on such grudging help in my future.

[seagreengirl]

If someone was good enough to look after my child FREE on a regular basis, I would be on my knees with gratitude not making little digs that they should be doing more.

[HamaTime]

If someone was looking after my child for free I would make sure I stepped up and managed to do basic things like help my child buy and wrap Christmas presents for his Mum so my free childcare didn't have to do it for me.

[MothertotheLordsofmisrule]

Um the SIL made no pointed remarks about wanting more childcare. The only remark that could be interpreted as pointed was the one regarding her ex and having to organise her work around his.
Also the op made some remark about how the birthday gifts are 'some sort of thanks' for childcare, not the SIL actually likes them and wants to give them a gift on their birthday - something the op admits she didn't reciprocate.

So no I'm not ashamed for telling the op she needs to get over herself and think of the one person in this whole debacle who truly matters - her nephew and how he feels.

[manana21]

i'm really over-sensitive and take offence at the drop of a hat & I can't see how what the ex-SIL said adds up to a dig.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

OMG I have never read such an awful thread. The OP does, what it sounds like, lots of free childcare for the SIL, yet she has been called all the names under the sun for complaining about a rather pointed remark.

Are you a sockpuppet, seagreengirl? OP does not do lots of free childcare for the SIL, OP does it for her brother. SIL tries to arrange her working days to coincide with his days off, but he manages to dodge the bullet of looking after his own son regardless and dumps the task on his family. And SIL did not make a pointed remark, she was quizzed by OP.

[seagreengirl]

Are you a sockpuppet, seagreengirl? because I'm not piling on the OP like the rest of you sheep.

OP does childcare for both the SIL and the DB by the sounds of it.

[Notabeararaccoon]

Ah yes, hello op! Appreciate your alter ego didn't get the response you hoped for, but trying a new user id hasn't worked terribly well. to reiterate, YABVVU, and unkind, and selfish. If (unlikely, but IF) seagreengirl is a different user, well love, the SIL ISNT getting 'free childcare' she should be 'on her knees with gratitude for'. Christ, how many times? The 'D'B (who sounds a fucking PRINCE) is getting free childcare from his family for his child. You all sound horrible. Like others, I hope the SIL in this meets a fantastic man who shows her what real love and care are like and gets far far away from you and your nasty family

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Am howling with laughter at seagreengirl - she is so obviously the OP (or the OPs mother)

[magpie17]

OP you sound horrible and so does your mother (I hate all that 'fiercely protective' crap that people come out with to justify their nasty behaviour). The poor SIL sounds like she can't do right for doing wrong with you and I just feel quite sorry for her.

You need to have a long hard look at your own behaviour, not hers.

[Birdsgottafly]

""OP does childcare for both the SIL and the DB by the sounds of it.""

Yet the OP puts her DB on a pedestal, because he works so many hours he can't be a parent.

Yet slags off the Mum because she can only work part time, because she's a decent parent.

The OP needed telling straight.

[FayKorgasm]

Gosh I worked 53 hours last week. I still managed to buy food and a couple of Christmas presents.
I hate all this hard working man bollocks. Sil is working hard too and doing most of the grunt work with their ds by the sounds of it. Generous maintenance is a moot point.

[BlissfullyUnknown]

This thread has made me sad and very grateful to my wonderful parents who always make sure DD has a gift to give and a card to write.

[PoorFannyRobin]

I'm piling on, too. OP, I can't remember when I've read anything that has angered me as much as your post. OP, your ability to (so smugly) twist a very human and loving request on the part of a parent to fulfill the desires of a child into something ugly and selfish is quite beyond belief. OP, you are wrong, wrong, wrong in your interpretation of the situation. It's pretty obvious that you think everyone else is as selfish and manipulative as you are. Your projection says everything about you. You really should look into your heart and try to understand what everyone here is telling you. Character disorders are really repugnant and so destructive.

[Enjolrass]

Did OP not come back?

I would love to say I hope she has realised what's a shit she has been to her sil and spending time with her being nice.


But I don't think that's true

[IDependOnCodeineToo]

Another one who's been brought to tears by this thread. That poor little boy...

I have absolutely no money and yet would love to buy a gift for the SIL.

OP you have actually made me feel physically sick.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"like the rest of you sheep."

What's with the name-calling, seagreengirl?

Sounds like you're really invested in your defense of OP.

[ElderlyKoreanLady]

Also think that seagreen may well be the OP or her mum.

The childcare is being provided for the brother, not as a favour to exSIL. Would they be providing childcare if DB wasn't the child's father? No. Would they be providing it if the DB could actually be off work to look after his own son? No.

Besides, she only asked that they help DNephew wrap a present. Fuck, it's such a small bloody ask that a stranger could ask me to do it in the bleeding street and I would.

[Enjolrass]

I would be on my knees with gratitude not making little digs that they should be doing more.

The only digs have been ones the OP invented

[Enjolrass]

One of my neighbours is a single mum. She doesn't have much family.

I think I am going to get her a present. I can't help ops sil but I can do something for someone else.

[IDependOnCodeineToo]

That's really lovely Enjolrass.

Same here, I'm going to take a present to someone who deserves one :)

[Enjolrass]

Hopefully ops sil happens to live near a mner who wants to spread some cheer.

[emotionsecho]

I don't know how wrapping a small gift with a child is such an arduous task and brings out the "it's not our responsibility we're doing more than enough" comment from the OP.

How can such a simple request have elicited this reaction from the OP? My suspicions are that the OP and her family are constantly on the lookout for ways to be offended by the exSIL, after all they absolutely must be fiercely protective of the precious 'can do no wrong' db.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

If MIL is protective of her sons and assuming OP is a woman, does that mean that she doesnt get the same level of protectiveness or has she been raised to believe her brothers are demi-gods?

[Gladysandtheflathamsandwich]

has she been raised to believe her brothers are demi-gods?

Certainly sounds like it.