Having for show items in the house...

[Unreasonablebetty]

I might be being a bit... Or a lot U,
But I like to buy certain things for show,
Like I've got certain tea towels, for show.
Certain knives to show
Towels to show,
Cushions also to show.

We have slightly less pretty versions of all these things that are for use, but I do like to keep some things looking nice, like the tea towels that hang in the kitchen and bathroom that look nice and crisp,

I just bought new cushions that were only put on the sofa today. My husband came home and flopped down in his paint covered work clothes, took his boots and socks off, and tried to use one of my new cushions as a footrest.
Not five foot away is a perfectly good foot rest. But he wants to use my cushions.
This set me off, squealing like a banshee that his sweaty smelly feet do not belong on my new cushions, in fact they were moved away so DD didn't cost them in felt tip. And why is he laying on one of them?

He thinks it's U to have cushions that he can't lay on, or rub his feet all over,
I think it's perfectly fine, there are other cushions too, another 6 or 7 in total in the living room, but he surely shouldn't expect to rub his feet on my cushions?? No one wants foot smelling cushions surrounding them??
I might be being quite pedantic, and it might just be that other stuff he does is getting to me, but this is really annoying me as when it gets cold I love to make the house homely and buy nice new cushions and generally nicer for us, and he seems to lack respect for our home.
It's not like he didn't know that I have for show items, I've always been the same the five years I've known him.

Is it that mad to say, them few cushions are for you to pick up sit with on your lap or on the floor, but they're love hearts, I don't want you distorting the shape??

I will share with you my recent pain...bought a beautiful new patterned door mat for inside the front door. Now, obviously, I didn't want anyone actually to wipe their feet on it, but I kept that thought to myself.

Came downstairs the next morning and the cat had been sick on it.

Oh Snowglobe :( I hate that!

Oh no, snow globe!!
I'm really sorry to hear that. God I bet you almost had kittens yourself! That's probably the only thing you can't wait to let it dry and brush it off too. Do you have a spare?

How does a grown man ruin all of your glassware and china?

Also, perhaps he doesn't want you to buy designer stuff for him? When DH and I first met I'd buy him lovely, quality clothes for christmas and he'd still be wearing his clothes from Uni (he's 38 and, frankly, some t-shirts look like crop tops on him now, the effect is very Madonna) and I've had to learn than actually he's fine with the clothes he has. He just doesn't give a shit what he wears unless we go out somewhere nice.

I agree that lolling about in filthy clothes is a no-no, but everything else is a little bit U.

We're not uber rich/posh but we do have the 'nice blankets invariably used as dog beds/to cover the sofas so the dogs can lie on them' thing going on. We don't have any 'show' stuff in the house; we have some nice stuff and the house is clean and presentable, but everything gets used. I think YANBU about expecting him to have a shower and change clothes when he gets in from doing building work, that's just basic hygiene, but YABU about the tea towels etc. This is definitely the first time I've ever come across the concept of a 'for show' tea towel!

The coaster thing isn't being prissy.

I have antique furniture, bunging cups down without a coaster marks it.
I'd just spent a small fortune having great great granny's dressing table refurbished and the day after it came home looking beeyootiful DH whacked his half full glass on it, AFTER I told him wherw the coasters were and made a socking great white ring.

He was not so D H after that for a while, even after he had it fixed.

I don't get the doilies under everything though. I find it fussy.

OP, you need to have 'words' with him.

Coming home and loafing about on sofa/feet on cushions whilst still wearing painty workclothes is lazy and dirty.
It's also disrespectful if he knows you are particular about keeping your home nice.

You buying expensive clothing and him instantly wearing it to work in?
That sounds like his ideas about clothes and yours are very different.
Easy, don't buy him nice clothes anymore.

It's sad that you feel your dd 'can be trusted not to ruin things' but not your partner? And that, further, you and she don't use things as otherwise that wouldn't be 'fair' on him. This needs sorting!

and I say that as someone who has an, ahem, framed 'best' teatowel

For those that want to know what I use instead of t towels, I use kitchen towel, far more hygienic than t towels. I have a thing about towels being used more than once. I certainly wouldn't wipe my hands with a towel and then use it to wipe a plate.
I have never wiped a plate for many years. If I need something that hasn't quite dried then it is used wet.

I still had the old one!

When we moved house I ditched all the unmatched crockery and glasses and now we only use the best stuff (inherited from my Granny who spent a lifetime acquiring dinner services). It feels amazing. Sure gradually we'll break it, but replacing the odd bit from eBay (eventually the whole lot?) is much easier than trying to run a two-tier system.

When DH comes in filthy he heads straight to the shower. Accidents will happen but everyone should at least try to keep the house nice.

greycat you have hit on the solution! Frame it!

Re the coasters, I realise some special/posh furniture does need protecting. But I don't think it's great to have that furniture in daily use so that you have to constantly nag and mither people about what they put down on it. It's exhausting. And in MIL's case, it isn't nice furniture! It's nothing special to start with and it's marked already.

My mum did this, even the guest were graded on their merit.

Why are you getting out the "roses China?"

Because Auntie May is coming.

That only for "Best Guests"

So we would then have to find the second-best China, table clothes and tea towels. I never did understand how the distinction between best and second best guests was worked out.

great thread

i used to have some v expensive oils for cooking in my kitchen,hardly used them and they looked v nice

came home one day to find my son and his mates cooking bacon using my v nice oils

dont bother anymore

You're all utterly bonkers!

is anyone else here drawing a parallel with the 'shoes off' brigade?

A sort of 'house before people' kind of mentality.

I always think a house should be warm and welcoming but I've noticed that a lot of people seem to see it as a status symbol; a beacon of social standing if you like.

I must be getting old as it seems that it's mainly younger people who think like this.

Also intrigued by the 'show' tea towels. What do they look like OP?

When my parents got married they were given a best dinner service and also an every day one.

The every day one was too good to use, so they bought a more general every day one.

The original every day one gets used at Christmas.

The 'best' one has probably been used all of 10 times in 50 years.

They also use worn out towels. A few months ago I helped them audit all the spare towels they had which were 'too good to use'. We did a years to live versus number of towels calculation, and some older towels were actually thrown out!

OP - you need to relax, and your DH needs to wash when he comes in and not do DIY in best clothes.

my overgrown man child can easily decimate a whole house - not just the contents he is an utter nightmare.

Glasses and dishes think chips, using for inappropriate things - as for pans and nonstick I just don't even look in that section now. HE cooks BUT destroys in the process. knives dropped and chipped on tile floor, things incorrectly put in dishwasher (aluminum k beater and whisk from kenwood)

Boots never taken off in house, dogwalking muddy garden chickens tramped through

Clothes left everywhere

Complete paper hoarder and work from home

He gives me things to throw away as he can't make himself do it - e,g phone charger - he has been away for a few days phone charger stops working he brings it home and gives it to me, I just look at him whilst placing it in the bin - he brought it home WHY???

Unfortunately daughter is similar despite my best efforts

Tea towels for 'show'??? Eh???

My mouth is literally hanging open reading this thread. I have never even head of having things "for show."

I know I will have to run for cover, but is this a "northern thing?"

I am in my fifties and have friends of every conceivable class and background but I don't think I know anyone who would conceive what this is meant to be about. I am absolutely baffled.

What's the point of it?

YANBU re: mucky feet on cushions.
I don't really understand the 'for show' thing but if it's what you like, hey ho.

This keeps reminding me of how, as a child, I was fiercely instructed NEVER to eat fruit from a fruit bowl in other people's houses, as people kept them for show

Have you thought about treating your posh cushions with waterproof spray? Then you can wipe them clean.

... posh cushions ...

This is totally unreasonable. Firstly, things like towels become much nicer with a lot of use. Secondly, how do you transition from one set of things to another? What if someone comes over unexpectedly? Don't you need a lot of storage space to facilitate this arrangement?

And, I don't understand coasters either. For some reason I just have never internalised their existence or purpose. They could be sitting on a table right in front of me and I would miss them. Surely it's impossible to avoid marks on a table, so why even bother trying?

It seems as if you have these things on show for yourself, because you like them, rather than doing it to put on a show for other people, IFYKWIM? Like Hyacinth Bucket, it's about how she is perceived by others, rather than just liking nice things. As you say, the difference between 'best' and 'for show'

I am not a 'for show' person, I'm not really arsed about how my house looks as long as it's fairly tidy but I don't think YABU. (Although maybe I would have a nicer house if I didn't have a DH and 2 young children that ruin everything I like!)

(But maybe tea towels are taking it a bit far - just buy lots of the ones you like then you can use them and they still look nice!)