Having for show items in the house...

[Unreasonablebetty]

I might be being a bit... Or a lot U,
But I like to buy certain things for show,
Like I've got certain tea towels, for show.
Certain knives to show
Towels to show,
Cushions also to show.

We have slightly less pretty versions of all these things that are for use, but I do like to keep some things looking nice, like the tea towels that hang in the kitchen and bathroom that look nice and crisp,

I just bought new cushions that were only put on the sofa today. My husband came home and flopped down in his paint covered work clothes, took his boots and socks off, and tried to use one of my new cushions as a footrest.
Not five foot away is a perfectly good foot rest. But he wants to use my cushions.
This set me off, squealing like a banshee that his sweaty smelly feet do not belong on my new cushions, in fact they were moved away so DD didn't cost them in felt tip. And why is he laying on one of them?

He thinks it's U to have cushions that he can't lay on, or rub his feet all over,
I think it's perfectly fine, there are other cushions too, another 6 or 7 in total in the living room, but he surely shouldn't expect to rub his feet on my cushions?? No one wants foot smelling cushions surrounding them??
I might be being quite pedantic, and it might just be that other stuff he does is getting to me, but this is really annoying me as when it gets cold I love to make the house homely and buy nice new cushions and generally nicer for us, and he seems to lack respect for our home.
It's not like he didn't know that I have for show items, I've always been the same the five years I've known him.

Is it that mad to say, them few cushions are for you to pick up sit with on your lap or on the floor, but they're love hearts, I don't want you distorting the shape??

[PoorFannyRobin]

Thanks, math! I was really second guessing my take on this but still kept coming up with the same conclusion.

[mathanxiety]

They don't use any grit here. Just the chunks of rock salt.

PoorFannyRobin, I agree with your roundup there. I think there is EA here too.

[ihatevirginmobile]

Math - when I say grit it is the council mix of salt and grit -same stuff they put on the roads.
We have a council provided grit bin because this estate is off the road - you can't drive to the houses. The council maintain the 'public' areas - communal gardens and footpaths and steps etc (it is on a slope so lots of concrete(!) steps). There are some older people who live here so us 'younger' neighbours more or less take turns in clearing all the paths and salting/gritting when nec - but it is a big area - much bigger than the front of an average house!
In the winter of 2010 people were walking down the steps and using our footpaths as an alternative to the main pavement - which hadn't been treated and was block ice a few inches thick- the council did eventually come out with a mini pavement spreader but there was so little salt in it it didn't shift it/make it any safer really. I actually eventually went out and chipped a narrow pathway with a spade to create some kind of safer route -took a long time - really hard work!
Since then council come out more quickly with the mini spreader/snowplough to do a safe route to school and so do the whole pavement in front of the estate - one year they even sent their workmen to clear the front of the old people's houses....which we had already done!!

[PoorFannyRobin]

I agree with the poster (can't find the post now) who feels there's something else going on here. I'm reading this as 1) the OP has a few pretty items that make her happy, that she enjoys, and that, to her, make a house a home 2) her DH has a habit of maliciously undermining her (probably in many other ways as well), using this particular desire on her part as a weapon against her 3) when her husband sneers and ridicules her desire to have these items, the OP ends up feeling that she has to explain and defend herself 4) DH is actually angry due to the fact that these cushions or towels fulfill only her desires and not his, which is just unacceptable to him 4) and so to let her know that it's HIS HOUSE and that she just won't get away with forgetting that, DH grabs up what he knows is a new cushion and rubs his unwashed feet on it! I honestly don't see any other way to read this. A real man and loving husband would not make such a miserable issue out of a few (or even a dozen) cushions. I don't think differences in taste levels or how money is spent or how space is used is the actual issue that OP really is asking about just that she feels she needs validation for her desires due to emotional abuse from her husband. Perhaps I'm reading too much into the situation, but I just got an EA vibe from the OP.

[Senpai]

When my husband comes home sweaty and smelling like work, I tell him to take a shower. Problem solved.

We use everything in our house that has a practical purpose, but we also take good care of it. Which means we scrub the couch with detergent and water as per needed. It has no stains or dark spots after 4 years of use. :)

[mathanxiety]

Roads are covered in asphalt so sodium chloride is fine there.

Pavements are up to the homeowners whose houses the pavement runs past. You are usually obliged by municipal code to shovel the snow from your pavement but not to put down any grit or ice melt or sodium chloride. Some do all the same, especially if there is a thaw followed by a hard freeze. Your own deck or front steps are your own business too.

[Garlick]

If it damages concrete, why the hell are they putting it on roads & pavements?

[mathanxiety]

*and leather footwear too.

[mathanxiety]

Rock salt (sodium chloride) is the one used by municipal salt spreaders on streets here. It contains the anti-caking ingredients sodium ferrocyanide and ferric ferrocyanide. It can damage wood decks. You can't use it on concrete less than one year old.

There are other products (known colloquially as 'salt') that will melt the ice, that are not sodium chloride -- calcium chloride, calcium magnesium acetate, magnesium chloride, potassium chloride, and urea (carbonyl diamide). They all leave a high tide mark on suede and fabric footwear. They can also leave a gritty residue on floors and you need to wash them carefully or you can scratch the finish. If left to puddle (under your wet boots for instance) you can end up with wood damage.

Calcium magnesium acetate can damage concrete. If ingested, magnesium chloride and potassium chloride can be lethal to pets with kidney disease (and can also damage concrete).

[Singsongsungagain]

Mystery- your post brought a tear to my eye.

[ihatevirginmobile]

But Math surely when salt is dry it is fine? And it washes away quickly...
We have grit walking in for the best part of 4 months ...

[mathanxiety]

Ihatevirginmonile -- it's all salt around here, and it has a horrible effect on boots and shoes as well as floors. It leaves a white residue on everything.

I agree Ememem. You can use nice things and enjoy them all at the same time. If they wear out you can get something else that is nice.

[BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley]

For those that want to know what I use instead of t towels, I use kitchen towel, far more hygienic than t towels

Good grief, you must get through tons of the stuff.

I have a thing about towels being used more than once. I certainly wouldn't wipe my hands with a towel and then use it to wipe a plate. Well no, neither would I, but that's why I get through about two tea towels a day, I have loads and they get saved up and thrown in a boil wash boil once a week along with dishcloths, aprons, kitchen hand towels etc., it's all perfectly hygienic.

If I am cooking and I need to quickly wipe my hands without constantly having to wash them then I use a tea towel but not the same one that will be used for drying stuff up.

If I need to dry something I use a different one.

If I've washed my hands and need to dry them I have a small hand towel, not a tea towel, and that will get used for a few days at a time.

I have never wiped a plate for many years. If I need something that hasn't quite dried then it is used wet.



Mumsnet is full of people I just don't understand AT ALL.

[Ememem84]

We have show nothing. Everything gets used. We bought really good knives, they are ace. We look after them.

Bedding was a drunken splurge at the white company. Ditto towels. In my opinion it's pointless having nice things if you're not going to use them love them and enjoy them.

Just my opinion mind.

[ihatevirginmobile]

We have a shoes off indoors rule with hard floors...but because I am far from houseproud...
I don't want to spend my life cleaning foloors - especially mud off the stairs...(one of my pet hates)
But the worse is we live off the road and the communal paths/steps get generously gritted every winter...so even when it isn't icy/snowy/wet outside the grit gets walked in - I don't want to spend my life hoovering it up everyday or listening to it crunch underfoot....
(I used to try and get there first with just rock salt (I bought it especially) on the paths near us until I realised that it was a waste of money - eventually one of the neighbours will empty the (free) council grit bin on them ....and it stays there until spring until someone gets round to brushing it up but then even I don't see the point of brushing it up until it has stopped being icy...... and then there is massive pile and fuss about sharing it out between bins...I hate grit!)

[cricketballs]

I do admit to having some things for show ; we have some books on show that look like we are intelligent the trashy novels that I actually read are in a bookcase upstairs, a set of glasses that only get used at Christmas they have very slim and fragile stems and takeaways are not allowed to be eaten using my decent cutlery!

[absolutelynotfabulous]

Are you me, OP? I do that to my tea towels-they're purple, too! Yanbu at all.

I grew up with stuff for best too. The front room was for best and rarely entered. Sunday clothes were for best. It was the thing where I grew up.

My home is practical but, I think, also for show. I take a great deal of pride in it. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's not perfect-far from it-but it's clean, clutter-free and pleasant to be in. And the decor is well-thought-through. If anyone comes to the door unexpectedly, I get anxious and start tidying like mad. I never leave a cushion unstraightened at night. I wouldn't be able to sleep!

Many people I know are like this. Most of my stuff is in use, though.

I think there is something deeper going on with the OP and her DH though. To me, his behaviour shows a lack of respect for the things which are important to her.

I get the "slob" thing too. My "d"p is spreadeagled across the sofa eating something indefinable out of a plastic container. In the main living area. I'm coming out in hives!

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

Ugh. I grew up in a house like this and hated it. Told off for using the wrong towel in the bathroom, the wrong tea towel in the kitchen, constantly nagged about not putting anything down on the polished wood sideboard and dining room table (when I complained I was told that it would all be mine one day and I'd appreciate it being kept nice. Er no thanks mum, not that I'd say it to her face but her taste is certainly not my taste). And much more.
It sent me the other way and I have an almost pathological fear of anything matching in my house!
We all call her Hyacinth Bucket. I think she takes it as a compliment
When I was a kid and we used to visit all the old relatives, quite a few of them had their front rooms (in 2 up 2 down houses) for best only. Growing up our front room was also for best only. It was only used on Christmas Day and if my parents had a party.

[jamtartandcustard]

I laugh at comments like these:
"My husband works in construction and he knows better than to come near my carpets or furniture before he has gotten changed.
I like to have things a certain way. We have worked hard for the home we have so it should be treated with respect and kept nice."

So you both have worked hard to own the house but the carpets and furniture do not belong to the dh? I think they are equally his and he is equally entitled to use them as he wishes

[Jibberjabberjooo]

I have a friend who has a room that's only used on Christmas Day.

[LillianGish]

Everything in my house is for show as I don't want to live with anything ugly however there is nothing you can't use - if it gets worn or used I'll wash it or replace it. No point having stuff you can't use. Same goes for clothes - I wear my best stuff so I always look my best (my sil's philosophy - look your best at all times so that's how people,think of you don't just scrub up for the occasional event).

[SeasonalVag]

I'm simply reading this thread, agog. Thinking what a fecking slob I am.

[Bigpants4]

I'd love to know the psychology behind keeping things for show. I can see why it was done years ago but it seems a really odd thing to do in this day and age

[mathanxiety]

Betty is your real name Mrs Tiggywinkle?

Frostycake, shoes off in the house means no dirt from outside (dried dog poo, dried spit, phlegm, and vomit, dust, etc) gets in and all over carpets. It can still look very natural and lived in

I have no carpets, but when I switched to no outdoor shoes indoors I noticed a difference in the colour of the water in the bucket when I mopped. The primary school I attended had an indoor/outdoor shoes rule and I am sure this was to keep cleaning costs down.

When I was selling my house I had a show tea towel. I used to gather up the grey rags I normally had in use and set it on the handle of the oven, neatly folded in three. It looked spiffing. When we moved it got demoted.