Having for show items in the house...

[Unreasonablebetty]

I might be being a bit... Or a lot U,
But I like to buy certain things for show,
Like I've got certain tea towels, for show.
Certain knives to show
Towels to show,
Cushions also to show.

We have slightly less pretty versions of all these things that are for use, but I do like to keep some things looking nice, like the tea towels that hang in the kitchen and bathroom that look nice and crisp,

I just bought new cushions that were only put on the sofa today. My husband came home and flopped down in his paint covered work clothes, took his boots and socks off, and tried to use one of my new cushions as a footrest.
Not five foot away is a perfectly good foot rest. But he wants to use my cushions.
This set me off, squealing like a banshee that his sweaty smelly feet do not belong on my new cushions, in fact they were moved away so DD didn't cost them in felt tip. And why is he laying on one of them?

He thinks it's U to have cushions that he can't lay on, or rub his feet all over,
I think it's perfectly fine, there are other cushions too, another 6 or 7 in total in the living room, but he surely shouldn't expect to rub his feet on my cushions?? No one wants foot smelling cushions surrounding them??
I might be being quite pedantic, and it might just be that other stuff he does is getting to me, but this is really annoying me as when it gets cold I love to make the house homely and buy nice new cushions and generally nicer for us, and he seems to lack respect for our home.
It's not like he didn't know that I have for show items, I've always been the same the five years I've known him.

Is it that mad to say, them few cushions are for you to pick up sit with on your lap or on the floor, but they're love hearts, I don't want you distorting the shape??

[Unreasonablebetty]

Timetomuskup- the llb glasses were quite thin glass, they were lovely and obviously I took into account that we would need to be careful with them being as they were so delicate. He put a plate on the side of the sofa, and placed his glass on top of it and knocked them off apparently which broke a glass and plate. Then he kept plonking them in the sink which broke a few more glasses, then he tried washing up with boiling water and I believe one of my bowls went to a job with him and never came back.
It's all reflective of how many fucks he gives,,, he does these things in all aspects of his life.

[Garlick]

It's all reflective of how many fucks he gives,,, he does these things in all aspects of his life.

Hmm. Is he simply not that bothered about 'stuff'? Or is it exclusively your stuff that he trashes?

[Jibberjabberjooo]

How many cushions do you have? You buy more when it gets cold and you have at least 7 more he could have used, is there room on your sofa to just sit down?

OP (without trying to make too much of a sweeping generalisation) men hate cushions, beyond practical use.

[GreenPetal94]

The only thing for show in this house is the iron!

[blueshoes]

The only 'show' thing I have are tea towels. But only when guests come round. That is because the real deal is pretty ropey.

Houses are for living in. But dirty men need to shower first before mucking up normal household furniture. I have made my dh take off his mucky boots at the door. That is only sensible as normal human beings don't like to live in dirt and considerate ones don't create dirt for others to clean up.

[BarbaraofSeville]

I am northern and working class and have never heard of having things 'for show'

Huge LOL at the doormat that was not for wiping feet on and then Snowglobes cat throwing up on it. (sorry)

[Snowglobe18]

I have to say that it is also my experience that most men are utterly bewildered and infuriated by large numbers of ornamental cushions, particularly if they have to be removed to sit/sleep in comfort.

[Unreasonablebetty]

Sorry I will reply to all other posts, but Garlicky, he is this way about most things. Poor Mrunreasonablebetty is going to have some of his "best moments" told now...
He stayed at home until 25, where he didn't need to do anything, breakfast lunch and dinner were made for him, he never once had to wash up or make his own bed, never mind his own washing or heaven forbid give the kitchen a once over. I think he just about managed to pick his towel up off the floor. And when clothes were left on the floor his mother dutifully picked them up and washed, ironed and hung them up. I kid you not, he still had fabric hankies for each day when we met. All perfectly ironed in his back pocket.

He once hired a van and parked it in a not give a fuck kind of way, and knocked the wing mirror off the day before it went back.
He has brought my underwear in off the line and put it in the microwave (melted all the elastic)
He also turned the hob on once and melted the kettle to the cooker.
He also has a habit of losing the car parking cards, and ends up having to pay a whole days parking and extra fees...and he has lost my bank card just today!- he often takes it if he has no money, it's the way we lend eachother money. It's all just representative of him.
There are certain things he takes care of, his DVDs have to be in exact order and his mountain bikes need to be expertly taken care of.

[Snowglobe18]

S'ok. I've got over it. Eventually 😀

[StarkyTheDirewolf]

Frostycake I was wondering this as I've only become a shoes off house since we got a beige carpet in the front room. I'm not showy at all as a person, but I'd be mortified if a visitor arrived and the house wasn't clean, warm, smelling nice and comfy.

I think I only tell Dh that stuff is for best because he's a ham fisted, cack handed gorilla and unintentionally ruins/breaks things accidentally, so having him just not touch them is easier!

[Frostycake]

OP, can you suggest that when he gets home, your DP takes his boots and overalls off in the hall/porch/conservatory, then has a quick wash of face and hands (if he doesn't want to shower)?

Beyond that, I think if he's proven to not be arsed about nice things, then you need to consider not bringing 'nice/breakable' things into the house in the first place and making it more 'rough and tumble' to suit his lifestyle.

I think that fundamentally, the way you're trying to live is incompatible with a man like your DP.

[Unreasonablebetty]

Jibberjabberjoo - 12 cushions in total.
3 on the armchair, 9 on the 2 seater
I did get rid of all the cushions from the bedroom for him!, I feel I've compromised. It was a bit out of control though. Over half the bed was cushions... And over time I've even stopped using the throw on the end of the bed!

[Frostycake]

Starky I had my first experience of a shoes off house in Sheffield recently. An 'executive' home no less. I wondered why I was being kept in a holding position by the front door for so long while the host pointedly looked at my (clean) shoes for ages before asking me to remove them. I wouldn't have minded but she, her husband and kids were all wearing shoes in the house.

[derxa]

Why not keep the plastic covers on all your soft furnishings? Ruby Wax's parents did this I remember. They were completely crazy. OP ease off a bit. All this cushions thing is a bit non-U anyway.

[Garlick]

Oh, good GRIEF! I can (almost) understand why you want to preserve your cushions from this carefree mummy's boy!

May I suggest ceremonially breaking one of his CDs in half, each time he makes one of these stupendous cock-ups? And don't fall for the old "I can't do housework because I'm crap, so you'll have to do it" trick Anyone who can keep their bikes in good order can do it with the rest of the things.

[Frostycake]

... The carpet was dark grey. ..

[miaowroar]

I had to lie down in a darkened room clutching my pearls and taking deep breaths when I read this:

And, I don't understand coasters either. For some reason I just have never internalised their existence or purpose. They could be sitting on a table right in front of me and I would miss them. Surely it's impossible to avoid marks on a table, so why even bother trying

Oh noo!! OK if you have a tiled or laminate surface, but what if it's polished wood?

Seriously though, I agree with the the PPs who said it is not so much that things should be kept for best but that people should treat things with a bit of respect - especially if you know that your DP is fond of them. Betty your DH sounds a bit of a nightmare - tell him I said so!

[SarahSavesTheDay]

I'm so sorry to have caused upset miaowroar

I gather the polished wood survives? Don't the marks just add character? My tables seem fine!

[Unreasonablebetty]

Frostycake- but I'm here all the time, and I like my house being a bit of a cushion cave... I've toned it down a bit.
We had words last night through gritted teeth. He knows he is to shower when he comes home.
See my last post. My bedroom is now a cushion free zone. I am trying !
Ps- my towels are exactly the same, both purple with a few glass/crystal type bits on, only one is used, the other is ironed and folded to fit on the handle of the cooker door. Nothing special. Just tidy.

[BlueBananas]

Why did he put your underwear in the microwave?!!

Also 9 cushions on a 2 seater couch?! Is there room for bums?!

[SarahSavesTheDay]

Gosh, I missed the part about the underwear in the microwave. Can you elaborate on that a bit?

[yomellamoHelly]

My mum used to be like this. Then when we'd all left home would talk about what good quality stuff she had as it had lasted all these years and still looked in really good nick! (We also had plastic runners on the carpet when we were kids.) Doesn't stop me feeling a little irritated inside when dh and dc give our home a bit of a pounding, but what's the point if you can't enjoy it.

[Damselindestress]

I'd feel so awkward and anxious visiting a home like that. Wouldn't dare wash my hands in case I dried them on the wrong towels or sit on the sofa in case I squashed the 'just for show' cushions. Presumably all this show stuff is to show off to someone? So that guests think the house looks pretty? It might actually be having the opposite effect. I'd much rather visit a home that was a little lived in, where I felt that I didn't have to stand on ceremony in case I touched the wrong thing. But I suspect we have drastically different standards. I would never ever iron a tea towel! Life is too short!

TBF, your DH does sound careless and thoughtless sometimes though. He microwaved your underwear?! Maybe there is somewhere you can meet in the middle.

[HappyAsASandboy]

I don't have 'for best' things, but I do expect some common sense!

Pillows and cushions are not for stinky feet to rest on (or bottoms, as I am endlessly telling my small DC). There are older, washed out tea towels as well as the ones I bought last week, and I'd expect the older ones to be used to mop up a spaghetti bolognaise spill. If someone wants a knife/spoon to prise off a paint tin lid I'd expect them to use one of the old camping/picnic ones not one from the set that lives in the block. That kind of thing.

It's just about caring for the things in your home, surely?

[StarkyTheDirewolf]

See, that's rude to me frosty and fwiw, unless you were knee deep in poo, you'd have kept your shoes on in our house! I only expect shoes off from me, Dh and dsis who stays here weekends. There's a shoe rack by the door, so if anyone wants to take their shoes off they're welcome to, but they don't have too! I buy overnight guests new slippers in case they've fogottern theirs and want to be comfy!