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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for wise words to help me get rid of guilt due to not BF?

199 replies

GlitteringJasper · 26/11/2015 19:34

Both my dc are sick at the minute, horrendous d&v and cough which has lasted for weeks. Both 2.9 and 11 month old really miserable.

I know that BF babies get sick too but I can't help but feel that maybe the immune systems are less effective as I didn't.

My guilt is compounded by the fact that I just didn't want to BF and therefore didn't try it; I'm worried now that I probably should have.

When you hear that breast is best, is there a clear differentiation between the health of BF babies and those who weren't.

Not sure why this is an issue now, maybe due to illness but I really need to get over it.

Nopefiply this makes sense and there will be some wise words.

OP posts:
knaffedoff · 30/11/2015 21:55

Punkrocker girl, I quote you saying "bf fucking nazi shitheads where to stick their bf propaganda" this statement is just offensive!

Notimefortossers · 30/11/2015 22:00

Yeh that was a bit bad punkrocker girl ;)

nicestrongtea · 30/11/2015 22:08

Apparently knaffed that's not offensive but supporting BF is !

Funny old world we live in ! Grin

Notimefortossers · 30/11/2015 22:11

Ok so there was ONE offensive comment made . . . supporting breastfeeding is not offensive, but it is misplaced on a thread where the OP has asked for help in alleviating her guilt

nicestrongtea · 30/11/2015 22:16

Maybe don't may such comments in the first place- its not helpful.
I have suggested positive things the OP can consider now to improve her DC health but its been ignored while everyone screeches about BF bollocks.

Notimefortossers · 30/11/2015 22:17

No one is screeching about bf bollocks!! Jeez! I thought you were going?

nicestrongtea · 30/11/2015 22:19

Im out
Im being stalked from another thread -waves.Grin
Oh and cleaning your house is a good idea Wink

PunkrockerGirl · 30/11/2015 22:20

But when you've been made to feel that I'll, that low, to the extent that you felt your baby would be better off without you, because of pressure to breast feed you should understand why, when someone comes on here for support, I get angry when people are pushing the bf agenda.
Get over yourself knaffedoff . I don't care if you found my post offensive. I think you'll find that anyone who has been ill as a result of being made to feel they have "failed" by not being able to bf would feel the same. I just had the balls to say it.

Backawaynow2 · 30/11/2015 22:32

i have suggested positive things the op can do now to Improve her dcs health

Patronising and far more offensive than punks comments.

Seriously no one is saying bf is wrong or right it's a fucking choice.

Worse if you want to bf and can't or it doesn't go well it's hard enough without idiots banging on about breast is best.

Backawaynow2 · 30/11/2015 22:35

My dil is pregnant and if she asks me for advice I will say do what suits you love and we will support you. Same as my dds.

I would also add it really isn't that important because here in the west it really isn't.

kippersmum · 30/11/2015 23:38

I wish the BF nuts would fuck off!!! I am firmly on the fence having had 2 children, one BF one FF.

The OP was about dealing with guilt about not BFing for whatever reasons.

The OP was not asking for the BF brigade to weigh in & say how shit FF is.

I'm sure there is a relevant area on MN for the BF supporters to have their say on. I don't think this thread is it & they are not helping the OP.

OP keep on looking after your lovely children & don't worry for minute about what some randoms on the internet say.

OP if you & your children are happy & fed that is all that matters. What kind of milk it is is irrelevant.

Ignore some of the posters please xxx

northernsoul78 · 01/12/2015 00:05

Op children get ill. No need to feel guilty although I admit it is easier said than done.
My 1st dd had and in fact still has terrible eczema. I breastfed her for 4 day. Not helped by dd2 being breastfed for 8 months and having clear skin. However, my 3rd who is currently attached to my boob at aged 3 has eczema too.
so what I am trying to say is that it is the luck of the draw and please don't feel guilty.

northernsoul78 · 01/12/2015 00:33

Actually sheba re guilt etc I
bottlefed dd 1 (bar 4 miserable days following crash csection) - noone made me feel guilty except me
breastfed for 8months dd2 - no one made me feel guilty
still breastfeeding dd3 aged 3. I have had "she doesn't need it. You are doing it for yourself not her benefit. She is too old for that. And the best from dh, me breastfeeding is the reason why he can't get her to sleep "
So not really sure about guilt thing personally although I do accept some NHS posters may create unnecessary and unhelpful guilt in formula feeding parents.

Backawaynow2 · 01/12/2015 00:37

I bf Dc4 to aged 2 as I couldn't be arsed stopping and getting the vile swollen boobs for a week and leaking milk. Hated it. Gave up as had a hen weekend booked thankfully.

She is my only child to have eczema. Other 3 bf 3/4 months great skin.

Backawaynow2 · 01/12/2015 00:41

Eczema a bugger northern firmly believe it's genes as dh family have it and not in my family. Had to come out somewhere and bf made no difference.

northernsoul78 · 01/12/2015 00:51

You are probably right. We have asthma on my side and, hayfever and eczema on dhs side so I guess middle dd was lucky to get away without it.

kali110 · 01/12/2015 01:56

Op im truly sorry that a few posters have ruined your thread.
I'd say i hope they're ashamed of themselves but they won't be, aslong as they got their point across they will be happy.
Never mind about upsetting a person Hmm
Shameful, Show some sensitivity.
Would these posters be saying the same things if a member of their family were saying the things op were?
I'm thinking not.

You have no reason to feel guilt!
Personally i don't believe breast is best( hate that statement) i believe happy mom is the best thing!
You have nothing to feel guilty about just because you chose not to bf.
I will be doing the same!
I won't be feeling guilt at all.
Im in my 30's i don't remember how i was fed, nor do i want too!
I certainly don't care.
I not against bf, i will stand up for anyone if they want to do it but i also won't let anyone be made to feel like they should be.

I agree i don't think we should be wasting money on campaigns trying to get people who do not wish to bf, to bf.
We should be supporting the people who do want to bf snd are struggling.
There could be many reasons why bf is down, maybe people realise that they don't need to feel guilty if they don't/can't do it, so stop, or only plan on bf for the first few weeks anyway and then move onto ff?

dontcallmecis · 01/12/2015 02:03

What your child eats well after he/she is weaned off milk (breast or otherwise) will have a much greater effect on their long term health. I've always been much more focussed on their nutrition as toddlers and beyond, because it's vastly more influential on their health. The first year is but a blip on the road, in terms of a lifetime nutritional intake. I'm not sure why we're so bothered by it, given the context.

knaffedoff · 01/12/2015 06:27

Glittering jasper how are your children today? I hope they are feeling better and you too. Whilst there are lots of health benefits with breastfeeding, I hope you will see that it provides no immunity and all children get ill! You chose to ff because thats what felt right at the time, remember your reasons whatever they were and concentrate on the things that are current now! Regret and guilt have no place in your future. Biscuit

tobysmum77 · 01/12/2015 07:26

The asthma/ eczema thing is interesting. My dh has quite bad asthma/ allergies as an adult and had eczema as a child.

My dds were both ff, the oldest one had a tiny bit of eczema for about 2 months as a baby, she was then diagnosed with asthma but at 6 has not taken any inhalers or had any symptoms for 18 months ..... Fingers crossed that this continues. My younger one doesn't show any signs of either and is nearly 4.

If I was so inclined and they had been bf I would probably be bleating about how it had protected them.

thelouise · 01/12/2015 08:05

How is wittering on about "breast is best" supportive on a thread where a mum is already feeling bad?! Hmm

(I have no axe to grind either; I've breastfed.)

Writerwannabe83 · 01/12/2015 08:33

I also hate the term Breast is Best. The actual breast milk may be best but the act of breastfeeding definitely isn't always best for mother and baby.

With my DS I was absolutely hell bent on breast feeding DS, he had to have a bottle of formula on his 2nd day of life and I cried my eyes out when the midwives gave it to him. I refused to do it myself, I just couldn't. Looking back now I realise how absolutely irrational I was being and that if he hadn't have had that formula then he probably would have gotten very poorly. Like I said previously, the first 8 weeks of my babies life were utter misery as I struggled with breast feeding, I was in tears most days and night at some point. Again, looking back I think to myself, "Why on earth did you do it to yourself?"

DS is 20 months old now and still BF and although I'm glad I did it, it certainly wasn't a pleasurable experience at the start and I look back with sadness on those first 8 weeks of DS's life because it wasn't a happy time for me.

Me and DH are planning on DC2 and I'm very, very confident in saying that I will be much more relaxed about feeding next time. I would like to breast feed but if it turns out to be as hard as it was with DS then I doubt I will continue, enjoying my new baby would be my priority this time round.

My sister was BF for 6 months whereas I was formula fed from the start. There are lots of differences between us but I doubt very much it is due to how we were fed. I certainly don't care that I wasn't BF and I'm sure your children won't either OP.

You have two lovely children I'm sure, so let go of any guilt as it really isn't needed. As a previous poster said, how a woman feeds her baby is personal choice and at the time you made the right one for you therefore it wasn't the wrong choice.

Feeding a baby isn't about breast being right and formula being wrong, they are just two different choices.

Don't fret over something you can't change and that doesn't even really matter, there's no point. I hope your children are feeling a little better Flowers

Vinnyjones · 05/08/2016 18:25

Hi I have an 11 year old girl, very early puberty and looks more like a 14 year old. She seems to have a problem with friends, she has one she really likes but he goes to a boat club everyday, ( she is scared of boats) and so she spends a lot of time alone. It's just me and her and I worry she is lonely. She gets a bit bored but would be happy to spend all day on you tube, and listening to music. It's frustrating and worrying because I am always comparing it to my childhood, I had tons of cousins to bounce off, but she doesn't. Does anyone else understand this. I am always suggesting new things but she doesn't want to do anything, she's not depressed, as I got her assessed recently.

BalloonSlayer · 05/08/2016 18:30

VinnyJones this is an ancient thread which is nothing to do with your problem.

What you need to do is cut and paste your text then click on
Start a new thread in this topic
which is directly under the AIBU but at the top of this thread

Paste your text into the box, add a title and off you go.

TBH AIBU is not the best place for your problem either but hopefully it will get some replies and it won't matter much

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