AIBU to ask for wise words to help me get rid of guilt due to not BF?

[GlitteringJasper]

Both my dc are sick at the minute, horrendous d&v and cough which has lasted for weeks. Both 2.9 and 11 month old really miserable.

I know that BF babies get sick too but I can't help but feel that maybe the immune systems are less effective as I didn't.

My guilt is compounded by the fact that I just didn't want to BF and therefore didn't try it; I'm worried now that I probably should have.

When you hear that breast is best, is there a clear differentiation between the health of BF babies and those who weren't.

Not sure why this is an issue now, maybe due to illness but I really need to get over it.

Nopefiply this makes sense and there will be some wise words.

I'm sorry but you cannot categorically determine that anything about health either negative or positive was linked to breastfeeding 20 years ago.

As I said before, breast is best when it goes well but people make frankly bizarre claims. And the above is a case in point. Whatever you are referring to may have been influenced by breastfeeding or may not.

Read this:
www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

It assuaged a lot of my guilt.

My DS was specifically asked whether he was BF in relation to a specific condition. Its rare and im not going to out him.

I was asked when I had a breast lump- - not a cure all but less likely.
Knock it all you like -its not a negative factor in health conditions and frequently a positive factor.

The poor OP clearly feels bad at not bf and was looking for some support. There are plenty of other avenues where the health benefits of bf can, and is, being promoted. This thread should not be one of them.

FWIW, I think bf should be encouraged and valued but on a thread created by an upset guilty mum? No. That is shitty.

But if it categorically certainly helped they wouldn't need to ask. Bfing may have helped and for his sake I hope it has, my point is you can't ever be certain of this. But making bizarre definite claims discredits the message as it makes people question and discount the real evidence.

No one has knocked it though nicestrongtea . . . and I speak as a person who has EBF'd all 3 of her babies and will soon do so again with the 4th. No one came on here and said 'Breastfeeding is bollox!' . . .they just offered support to the OP, which is what she came on here for.

I don't know how you and minifingerz can live with the treading all over her when she is down and I can only hope that she is no longer reading this bullshit as in her last post, people had managed to make her feel better.

I mean for gods sake. Whether bf'ing or ff'ing life as a mother is hard enough without us all tearing each other down.

Start a new thread if you want to talk about the benefits of breastfeeding. This was not the place for it

x post with Feeches

Guilt is a horrible emotion, and often so pointless, since you can't change the past and make different decisions. Try to let it go. We all do things and look back and think had alternative might have been better, but it's pointless really, isn't it? P.S. Currently nursing ds2 through croup; he's still breastfed at 2 and should therefore be absolved of all illness. I've missed four days of work already this academic year due to his many and varied ailments! It's horrible when they're poorly.

I don't know how you and minifingerz can live with the treading all over her when she is down and I can only hope that she is no longer reading this bullshit as in her last post, people had managed to make her feel better.

This ^^ in spades.

I often wonder if the people who just robotically bang on and on on these threads, whilst totally disregarding the OP's feelings, are doing so because it's the one thing they might feel they got right. Therefore they get a misguided sense of superiority.

I've only ever had the 'best start in life' speech once from someone in RL, and she was morbidly obese when she chose to get pregnant.

She now has 2 obese children in primary school.

But hey, as long as she breastfed them...

From the article I linked above:

'the medical literature looks nothing like the popular literature. It shows that breast-feeding is probably, maybe, a little better; but it is far from the stampede of evidence that Sears describes. More like tiny, unsure baby steps: two forward, two back, with much meandering and bumping into walls. A couple of studies will show fewer allergies, and then the next one will turn up no difference. Same with mother-infant bonding, IQ, leukemia, cholesterol, diabetes. Even where consensus is mounting, the meta studies—reviews of existing studies—consistently complain about biases, missing evidence, and other major flaws in study design. “The studies do not demonstrate a universal phenomenon, in which one method is superior to another in all instances,” concluded one of the first, and still one of the broadest, meta studies'

Ok Im going
But really- How does telling the OP( manufactured) lies help?

Its not bullshit, its fact.

worra Interestingly see this abstract: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/11368697/
bf inconsistently linked to child weight; mothers weight strongly related.

nice

I bf my 4 too and they are grown up and teens too. So what! I neither proud or not proud of that.

They certainly don't care less and are frankly far too busy getting on with their lives.

I think it would be wierd if they were proud that they had once suckled on my boobs. Why would they be?

They slept in their own rooms at 6 weeks and I wouldn't have dreamed of wearing them.

The op needs support not fucking statistics. Grow up.

That last comment nice and that's ironic was very un empathetic.

I haven't RTFT but heres my tuppence worth. DC1 I couldn't BF due to various issues, I struggled expressing milk for while & then gave up. DC2 15mo later BF like a champion from the start.

They are now 8 & 9. They have both had the standard childhood illnesses, it has been exactly the same for each of them. Interestingly it is the BF child that has eczema, not the FF child.

I would challenge any of the "BF or else" people on here to look at my 2 children & tell me who was fed BM or formula as a baby.

You can't tell. You really, really can't.

I wish someone had told me that when I struggled with my guilt with DC1.

As long as baby is fed & mum is happy that is all that matters.

God what a horrible thread. Supporting an OP turned into completely nasty anti breastfeeding bollocks. No wonder people don't breastfeed in this country . All children get ill. The facts are that breast milk is better and more likely to protect your child. That doesn't mean it will stop your child getting ill. Anecdotes being used instead of science all over the place.

I often wonder if the people who just robotically bang on and on on these threads, whilst totally disregarding the OP's feelings, are doing so because it's the one thing they might feel they got right. Therefore they get a misguided sense of superiority.

Yes! This! I've also only ever been given this speech by one person in RL and ALL of her other parenting choices since have been somewhat questionable in my view!

But really- How does telling the OP( manufactured) lies help?

No one told her lies. People told her the truth from their own experience of having bf or ff and whether or not their children still did or did not get sick. They told her not to beat herself up and to let it go. They supported her and made her feel better. How exactly do yo think beating her over the head with bf'ing statistics helped?

I sincerely hope you are going

There's no anti breastfeeding bollocks waterrat. As I said I have breastfed all 3 of my children so I could hardly be anti could I?

I'm just anti nasty fellow mother beating

When I was in the depths (and I mean absolute depths) caused mostly by pressure and failure to bf, I thought afterwards hey ho, maybe attitudes will change. I find it so sad, 24 years later that women as still being made to feel as if they've failed their baby if they choose to ff.
OP, you havent failed and you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You are feeding your babies, that's what matters. This time is all encompassing, I know, but it's a snapshot of your children's lives. There will be far, far more important decisions to make on their behalf in the future than what you feed them in the first few weeks/months of life.
To all those who advocate bf at whatever cost, I wish for one day (and I had 12 months of it) that you could experience the hell, darkness, desire to give my baby away and absolute depths that I felt , and which could have so easily been avoided, and then come back and tell me that bf is right for everyone.
I wish you all the best, OP, although I'd be surprised if you haven't deleted this thread already due to the bf is the only right way brigade who always crop up on these threads.

What on earth are you talking about?

Had anyone been anti bf? Not that I can see. People just trying to support the op.

I bf, so what!

Science research is brilliant and a tool to help people make choices.

Trouble is when you have been
A parent for 26 years and followed scientists advice you realise you have put your child in as much danger as you would have ignoring it. Babies on their front, swaddling, co sleeping tuck in on the antenatal ward. Blah blah blah.

Op ignore the daft posts. Xx

I meant depths of depression, obviously.

waterrat, how old are your children? It is a genuine question.

What milk you feed your tiny children is hugely important to a mum. At the time, when you are in the thick of it, it is of huge significance.

Then they grow up... you are thinking about the local high school new starters evening you have to go to next month etc etc before it seems possible they are that old :(

Suddenly what they drank as a baby isn't quite so important... you are looking ahead to parenting a teenager & are worrying about them drinking vodka!

In my awkward way I'm trying to put all the FF / BF fuss into perspective.

You can BF all you like but of your DC go off the rails at high school it won't help!

punkrockerGirl

Hear hear absolutely.

Just asked my 16 year old dd if she knew how she was fed. Breast or bottle,

Got a strange look and back to art homework and jungle celeb.

Life as it is.

waterrat
I hadn't read your thread when I posted. Yours is exactly the kind of attitude that made me (and numerous others so ill).
I'm not anti breast feeding whatsoever, I'm for whatever is right for mum, baby and family. What I'm against is superior, science wielding zealots being so blinkered that "science says this, so this is the only right way". It isn't.