AIBU to ask for wise words to help me get rid of guilt due to not BF?

[GlitteringJasper]

Both my dc are sick at the minute, horrendous d&v and cough which has lasted for weeks. Both 2.9 and 11 month old really miserable.

I know that BF babies get sick too but I can't help but feel that maybe the immune systems are less effective as I didn't.

My guilt is compounded by the fact that I just didn't want to BF and therefore didn't try it; I'm worried now that I probably should have.

When you hear that breast is best, is there a clear differentiation between the health of BF babies and those who weren't.

Not sure why this is an issue now, maybe due to illness but I really need to get over it.

Nopefiply this makes sense and there will be some wise words.

If it's any reassurance to you I BF my little guy exclusively for 6 months then continued with it until he was approx 14 months old (while weaning him onto solid food obviously). He's had to date: coughs/colds/sneezes/unidentified grumpy week that I think was an ear infection and an episode of the most vile diarrhea ever. Put your feet up, make a brew and calm down you're doing fine. BF/FF, it doesn't matter, babies are babies and they pick up infections.

I BF my DD for 4 years and she and I get more stomach bugs than any other families we know. Just bad luck. Viruses get around and people get sick. Whilst BFing has definitely given her comfort and kept her hydrated through some of the worst bugs, I think she and I just have pretty rubbish immunity. Such is life. Don't beat yourself up OP. Everything feels worse when your DC are sick, it's exhausting and stressful and can be very worrying. I hope your children are better very soon.

You became a parent in a culture which is unfriendly to breastfeeding, regardless of the NHS rhetoric, and in a society which doesn't value it.

And before someone comes on saying 'actually breastfeeding is hugely over valued', well, look at the responses on this thread. Even breastfeeding mothers think that really it's a trivial issue and makes fuck all difference to babies.

Who can blame you for choosing not to do something you would find emotionally and socially challenging at such a sensitive time in your life? You made a choice which was entirely in keeping with your personal values and the values of society. You were true to yourself as a parent, and really, this is what most of us are trying to be in our own way.

As a non bf mother you are probably more likely to have babies that sleep better and are less likely to feel physically and emotionally drained yourself ...therefore you may actually be a better mother for ff
Ditch the guilt. 12 years later I laugh at those precious wasted hours I spent agonising over stopping bf simply because I'd had enough.

Oh, and I know plenty of people who smoked all the way through pregnancy and feed their children on utter shite (and didn't breastfeed). You couldn't pick the kids out in the playground.

Anecdotes will always give us the evidence we need to reassure us about our choices. But it's more honest just to accept that parenting is an exercise in pragmatism.

mini great post

Babies get sick if they are bf toddlers pick up bugs and colds bf or not my dds were not bf my grown dd is fit healthy a police officer not a sickly adult because i fed her formula other dd has hardly vomitted past 8 or 9 they build up immunity over the years. Im sorry your babies are ill atm but they will get better let the guilt go

I bf ds til he was 14mo. He picked up coughs, colds and a bout of bronchiolitis whilst bf.

I read one bf article can't remember where or when now but it claimed viruses were transmitted from the babies mouth into the mothers breast and then blood stream, whereupon mother would miraculously start producing antibodies for the virus the baby had. Total pseudo science.
The advantages of bf over ff would be ease of use (eg no sterilising, boiling, etc), free milk, don't need to worry about prepping bottles before you leave house.
The other stuff about intelligence, health, etc I personally think, is based on very flimsy evidence and studies.
However, I still felt very guilty when thinking of swapping to formula at 6mo because ds wanted to feed every 2hrs and I wanted some freedom. He refused bottle so I didn't have an option.
Friends who ff (for their own reasons) the babies are developing at the same pace and level. They also seem to sleep better! But that's only my anecdotal evidence.

I was formula fed and I am very very rarely ill..
The best thing somebody said to me when I stopped bf at 3 weeks, after I collapsed with exhaustion in from of my worried dp, is that basically when kids go to school, you would never be able to guess exactly who was bf and who was ff.
I'll be honest, I was totally 100% for bf, I never even entertained the idea of ff, had no bottles, steriliser etc, until that day I collapsed.
My dp and the hv suggested combo feeding which eventually became exclusively ff and we never looked back.
I felt guilty for ages, but now I just remind myself that my tiny ds needed a healthy HAPPY mum more than he needed my breast milk. I promise you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your kids will get sick. But so will everybody else's. Please don't stress about these things that
Won't matter in the end

My DS was EBF and at 20 months old is still breast fed.

He's had numerous attacks of gastroenteritis, he's had throat and chest infections, he's recently had Hand, foot and mouth and he's currently got a nasty viral illness

As brilliant as breast milk is it isn't a magical elixir to prevent ill health

Lose the guilt!!!!

Try looking at the people around you and working out who was breastfeeding fed and who was formula fed. I bet you cant tell.

Don't feel guilty - all children get ill. I beat myself up over switching to ff after a few weeks with dd - she's now 6, one of the healthiest children I know and performing a year above her age at school. I really don't think it makes that much difference

Breastfed both of mine. Dd to 18 months and still bf-ing DS.

Dd was so ill in October at one point I genuinely thought she had died as I checked her in her sleep and her breathing was so shallow you couldn't see her chest move or hear it. Worst day of my life.

Dd has colds constantly. Proper congested little dude.
Dd picks up all the bugs at nursery.

Breast is best, yes. But formula isn't awful or massively worse. It's just different. It's an edge.
Stop feeling that you did it wrong. You didn't.

"Try looking at the people around you and working out who was breastfeeding fed and who was formula fed. I bet you cant tell."

Seriously - I can't believe that people are still using the 'you can't tell by looking at people' rationale for making choices which may make a difference to their child's health. I mean, really? Is that how you made all your decisions? You know - you can't usually tell by looking at people or knowing about their medical records what's impacted on their health and wellbeing ^because we are all unique and therefore individual comparisons within families and close communities are fecking pointless and misleading . That's why epidemiology was invented!

Can't we just put our hands up and say 'I did the best I could' without all the flat earth bollocks?

My dd is 8 has had one antibiotic is very rarely sick and I didn't breast feed. I didn't want to. She is healthy and I have no guilt.

My niece was breasted and has always been quite sickly. Her doctor currently won't give antibiotics as she has had too many.

There is no right or wrong. Kids get sick that can't be helped

There is no discernable difference in the general population between bf vs non bf.

It's not as if there are all these tall, athletic, uber healthy individuals wandering around, vs stunted, sickly looking hobbits.

My point being, it doesn't make much of a difference if you have been bf or not.

Guilt and worry aren't exactly helping your DC or you at the moment so just cut it out. What's done is done.

I BF DS and he had plenty of colds, bugs, rashes, vomiting, diahorrea and also spent two separate nights in hospital on oxygen following asthma attacks as a baby.

Sure, I personally believe that BF is the better option but thousands upon thousands of FF babies thrive so there can't be that much in it.

If you didn't want to...ITS OK AND ITS ALLOWED!

Focus on you and yours now, not past decisions.

I'm still breastfeeding my toddler and he's just been in hospital with a viral wheeze and seems well on his way to asthma.

Breastfed both of mine, one has the constitution of an ox, the other has spent years battling ear and throat infections constantly and ended up having his tonsils removed. It's entirely down to chance. Also, whilst I'd love to say that BF children are brighter, mine are two of the stupidest children in the free world; the large one (10, massive pre-teen strops, utter bellend) fell down the stairs tonight because he forgot he'd left giant Lego pieces all over it two seconds earlier; he was on his way down the stairs to clear the Lego off the stairs. That's how bright breastfed children turn out.

I'm a huge advocate of BF but don't kid yourself that it's always best. Best is only what works for you. If it doesn't work for you (for any reason, not the reasons deemed appropriate by the breast-mafia at my NCT group) then it's not best. You do what you need to do to survive. If that's formula feeding, going back to work early, paying a cleaner or drinking gin at 5pm on a wednesday you bloody do it (unless you're driving, in which case make it a 6pm Tom Collins).

I would guess that the vast majority of people who were born here and are still alive (that's my generation and younger), were formula fed. I would think that if there were serious deficiencies in formula feeding, that would have shown up by now.

The whole thing about immunity is something of a red herring. There are too many other factors that come into play.

The pressure to breastfeed seems to be more about the issues of formula in countries where there isn't a consistently good water supply, and where low incomes might encourage people to use less powder per bottle. That's the reason for the WHO guidelines, but, for that to work, it has to be global. Formula feeding in this country really doesn't have the same concerns as elsewhere.

Breast isn't "best" - and I wish people would stop saying that. In the western world, it is "better", in terms of being cheaper (providing the mother has a good diet) and easier (once it's got going), but that doesn't mean that formula feeding is "lesser", nor that formula-fed babies are disadvantaged.

I BF my daughter for precisely 2 days, although to say I did BF is stretching it because she got precisely fuck all.

It was actually a mid-wife who suggested I put her on the bottle and I did. 9 years later and she is very, very rarely ill.

Do NOT feel guilty xxx

I love timetomuskup post.
I'm a BF peer supporter and all but you've made your mind up, your body, your soul, your children, your choice, don't let other women or society pressure you into a guilt trip. You sound tired though and I worry that sometimes ff mothers get less support because of society pressure. Can you reach out to friends IRL that will tell you exactly that kids get sick regardless of where their milk came from?

Lets put this in MN terms. Wine

Good quality wine is great. Hangovers arent as bad but they still occur. But your 5 quid jacobs creek does the job just as well. If youve only ever had jacobs creek, then you wouldnt know that thrre was anything else, and you would still love the person who gave you that big green bottle just as much.

Feel better?

OP, do you know any children anywhere on this planet who have never have childhood illnesses?

No, me neither.

D&V and coughs are pretty common, especially at this time of year.

Cut yourself some slack

Excellent post btw WandaFuca