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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

472 replies

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 14:29

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. Shock obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

OP posts:
thefutureofpolitics · 26/11/2015 16:42

Oh yeah, Samcro, I totally agree! I started one about the new David Bowie single the other day and literally the first post was about some rumour that has been going around Sad

OurBlanche · 26/11/2015 16:43

I saw that, thefutureofpolitics, and backed away slowly!

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 16:45

Katedotness1963 Shock perhaps it could be like a challenge, start a thread to see how quickly it kicks off. Grin Wink the subject heading would have to be as dull as possible, and the challenge would be to see how quickly one could provoke a response. would need to namechange obviously. Grin

OP posts:
MotherofFlagons · 26/11/2015 16:46

Also, dare I say it, the response to male posters is sometimes utterly appalling.

There was a thread at the weekend where the male OP was asking a question about his GF bleeding heavily and suffering severe cramps. The response he got from some posters was shameful and frankly a disgrace to MN.

And that other one recently where some guy who actually seemed a decent sort was asking about contraception and got all kinds of nasty responses, not to mention accusations of being controlling and abusive. FFS.

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 16:47

in all seriousness though, I do think that removal of the namechange facility would also change the tone of mn. Because apart from a few particularly well known objectionable posters, in general those who are particularly nasty also generally do so under a namechange. They might not find that so easy if they could be followed round the boards so to speak and their reputation preceeded them...

OP posts:
IwishIwasinNewYork · 26/11/2015 16:47

I've been here for eight years I honestly, honestly have not noticed any difference!

There have always been ranty arses and lovely funny people and a whole smorgasbord in between.

Also we do have these exact threads every couple of weeks 'MN's gone to the dog's' and have done for donkey's yes Grin I do realise I am probably reinforcing what you were saying wannabe but I am not meaning it with any arsiness!

thefutureofpolitics · 26/11/2015 16:49

Haha, OurBlanche, I don't blame you ... I backed out of my own thread for fear of more of it! Sad

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/11/2015 16:53

MotherofFlagons I couldn't agree more.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/11/2015 16:54

I do think it's worse now. I keep seeing perfectly normal 'chat' type questions being asked and the very first response is:

'Haven't you got anything else to worry about'

Or

'Why do you want to know'

Or

'You really started a thread about this' Hmm

its fucking CHAT you cunts. You know, for chatting shite. Ya po faced bitches

Ffs

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 16:58

Iwish I've been here for around ten years, and while I agree that there have always been the "mn isn't what it used to be" threads this is different IMO.

The grammar/spelling/pedantry etc has always been there as has the difference in treatment of male vs female posters for instance, and there has always been a tendency to respond in a robust way. But now it's as if even a lighthearted thread is not able to be lighthearted any more and while it's possible to convey the fact that one doesn't agree with the sentiment it's the pure aggression with which posters now respond which has got worse IMO.

OP posts:
SallyStarbuck · 26/11/2015 16:59

Laurie Grin

Samcro · 26/11/2015 16:59

thefutureofpolitics he's the one.
i mean why? why do people think people what to hear about their half arsed maybe true shite?

bigbuttons · 26/11/2015 17:00

I especially agree about the awful responses to poor men asking questions. They make me ashamed. The hypocrisy is dreadful. There is a thread at the moment about someone who doesn't find their partner attractive because they have put on weight. If a man had started that thread he would have been pummelled to death. A woman talking about her female partner, however, has got quite a different response.

The feminist threads....honestly, I can't understand a word they are talking about. I have tried.

IwishIwasinNewYork · 26/11/2015 17:01

Oh I do concede that back in the 'day no-one ever put (or felt they had to put) 'LIGHTHEARTED' in a thread title. Always kind of ruins it for me.

But it's certainly always been robust, which is why I was like 'these are my peeps, man!' as soon as I stumbled upon this site, G&T in hand.

I just personally don't notice more aggression.

Samcro · 26/11/2015 17:02

there are a lot more "men haters" on here now,

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 17:02

no I don't venture into feminism. at all.

OP posts:
Samcro · 26/11/2015 17:04

its not just in feminism, they are all over the place.

CuffsAndCollar · 26/11/2015 17:13

I agree, it's also feels less intelligent, I don't feel like it's a place to come to anymore for good advice or interesting debate, because half the posters are just so uptight and weird.

I absolutely believe they're the ones in real life who wouldn't say boo to a goose, I think it's some kind of herd thing where they feel a bit cool to be saying what they think makes them part of a certain group, when they actually come across as blinkered and aggressive, and, well, thick.

Samcro · 26/11/2015 17:15

every now and then there are brilliant threads though, I love the ones about small people having a tantrum because someone cut their Banana.

bigbuttons · 26/11/2015 17:16

and the copycat offensive sayings. They make so cross I can't even bear to write them down. they think they are being droll whereas they just come across as the kids you would get at school who pile in with the school bullies for fear of becoming the victim.

thefutureofpolitics · 26/11/2015 17:17

Well, exactly Samcro, I couldn't agree more. You could fill an entire library with rumours about him, this really is the latest in a very long line. I did my university dissertation on Bowie and the amount of rumours in different books by different biographers are astonishing, usually based around supposed affairs with everybody from Jennifer Connolly during the making of Labyrinth to Charlie Chaplin's wife whilst he was living in Switzerland Hmm

He is also a big Nazi apparently Shock ...

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?
Samcro · 26/11/2015 17:21

its so annoying, you have to be so careful who you admit to liking now, and I love Bowie and Bryan ferry so I am sunk Smile

bigbuttons · 26/11/2015 17:23

my 8 year old ds has recently discovered Bowie. He is obsessed with him and knows all the facts about his latest album. He's just told me it's going to be released on the 8th Jan. He has good taste!

I love Bryan ferry too.

meditrina · 26/11/2015 17:25

I'm worried about the politics - claig agreed with something I wrote yesterday!

Jux · 26/11/2015 17:28

I wonder if people feel more powerless these days? If that influences how they respond to others, either online or irl. We do seem to be subject to much more social disapproval which may be a result of more small legislative measures which impact largely?

I shall wander about pondering.

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