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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

472 replies

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 14:29

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. Shock obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/11/2015 17:52

"Virtue signaller" is another wanky term used on here recently to disparage

Passmethecrisps · 28/11/2015 18:20

I have never heard of virtue signaller.

I have been around only a wee while. I think I joined in summer 2012 while I was pregnant.

I would agree that some aspects are nicer. I was left very bruised by a couple of threads about ff/bf but I rarely see them now other than genuine "what is right for me?" Type ones where there is actual discussion

flippinada · 28/11/2015 18:52

Yes, I've seen virtue signaller. I'm assuming it's another sneery term aimed at shutting up people who are quite reasonably objecting to offensive comments?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/11/2015 18:53

Yes

flippinada · 28/11/2015 19:14

I thought as much. What a horrible attitude to have.

Hand wringing, do-gooding leftie over here and proud to be so :)

BIWI · 28/11/2015 19:44

And even more comfortable about stupid posts about left wing posters

Of course I meant uncomfortable! Blush

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/11/2015 19:48

I thought you had gone over to the dark side

SurferJet · 28/11/2015 19:52

BIWI I like your post of 14.50. you sound wonderfully reasonable Smile

BIWI · 28/11/2015 20:01

Hah! I wish Grin

SurferJet · 28/11/2015 20:03
Grin
IrisVillarca · 28/11/2015 22:48

I read Virtue Signaller as the type of poster who has to escalate everything to how Good they are. When they probably aren't in rl.

squoosh · 28/11/2015 23:06

I don't like it because it's such clumsy wording. It's definitely become a buzz phrase on MN though.

Don't dare say you helped an old man cross the road, you'll be swatted aside with a prim tut of 'virtue signalling'.

Samcro · 28/11/2015 23:06

i have never seen it

IrisVillarca · 28/11/2015 23:11

I see it like Grief Whore. Piggybacking on unfortunate events to cast a rosy glow on oneself.

bumbleymummy · 28/11/2015 23:20

I haven't seen virtue signalling.

squoosh · 28/11/2015 23:28

It's definitely a hot new phrase.

I think people read this article

new.spectator.co.uk/2015/04/hating-the-daily-mail-is-a-substitute-for-doing-good/

IrisVillarca · 28/11/2015 23:31

Only takes one to use a new thing and there are always followers who copy.

Justanotherlurker · 28/11/2015 23:37

Virtue signalling isn't used to shut down debate, it's a recently recognised term for slactavism/preaching to the converted.

The OED even recognise this term (unofficially I may add) it's a term that reflects and pinpoints an online phenonman.

IPityThePontipines · 28/11/2015 23:42

Yes, Virtue Signaller is just the new version of Professionally Offended/ Politically Correct.

I read someone declaring that MN had almost certainly been infiltrated by "hard left shills*" so I guess quoting from The Spectator is part of the fightback.

*Because the hard left are awash with the cash to fund that sort if thing.

squoosh · 28/11/2015 23:44

Just because virtue signalling is a recognised phenomenon doesn't mean the phrase itself can't be used as a means to shut down debate. People use it quite pompously I find.

Justanotherlurker · 29/11/2015 00:02

I agree it can be used to shut down debate in certain scenarios, although I am yet to see it in that context on here,just because it is a recent idiom doesn't mean that it is a slur either, unless your trying to infer those that use the phrase are unaware of the context.

didyouwritethe · 29/11/2015 00:32

This, as a pp pointed out: "...all the "feminist" threads end up in a bitch fest - which I find amusingly ironic." Bloody tragic.

PlopTheBarn0wl · 29/11/2015 01:16

I also think there's an issue with actual reading comprehension. So some posters can't understand the subtleties of sarcasm or irony and will leap on the OP thinking she/he are serious, when actually it's clearly lighthearted.

Or sometimes I'll read an OP and think "ok, that's not the greatest written English, but clearly the general tone of the post implies x when perhaps some of the individual sentences imply y", but other posters leap in and attack. The man who posted about his wife's period pains is a great example of this. He was clearly concerned for his wife, but because his thread title didn't quite read that way some posters were embarrassingly rude to him. I guess it's worth realising that some people can't always put across in text exactly what they want to say or perhaps English isn't their first language so they'll use words that are technically correct but in the context give the wrong message.

Anyway, it does leave me a little scared to start posts, so I just comment every now and then and lurky lurk in the background...

Senpai · 29/11/2015 04:36

I would hate to be the sort of person who says 'MN isn't as funny as it used to be' but yes, MN isn't as funny as it used to be.

Oh but it is! Just for different reasons. Grin

I've had people deliberately "misunderstand" me. I just find it amusing that they're choosing to get upset over something trivial.

Senpai · 29/11/2015 04:40

I also think there's an issue with actual reading comprehension. So some posters can't understand the subtleties of sarcasm or irony and will leap on the OP thinking she/he are serious, when actually it's clearly lighthearted.

I have a LD, and even my reading comprehension isn't that bad. Sorry, but if posters are doing worse than me, then they need to get checked out. Also... If you know you have reading comprehension problems, maybe don't flame?

It's not a reading problem, it's a problem of they want an excuse to take out their frustration on the internet behind the safety of a computer screen. Being professionally "offended" over something makes them feel like a good person without actually having to do anything.

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