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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is a serious lack of perspective on mn now to the point it is not actually possible to have a decent discussion any more?

472 replies

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 14:29

Yes, thread inspired by lots of threads but provoked by the flaming I have just had on one in particular. But not a thread about that particular thread.

It seems lately that it is impossible to have an actual discussion on mn without someone either misinterpreting, misreading, twisting, or generally overreacting to everything

Example: poster starts a lighthearted thread about something which it should be obvious that it is lighthearted. A few posts in someone decides to take it very seriously and give the op a flaming. A few more posts in and someone suggests the thread title should be edited by mn hq to ensure people realise it's lighthearted, even though the subject was something like "ibu to burn the house down because I found a spider in the bathroom?"

Or: "ibu to think it's the end of the world because dh ate the chocolate?" response: "there are children dying in the world how dare you even post about chocolate," meant very seriously.

And yes, on the thread I was just on, recounting an incident 35 years ago where my cousin sent out fake invitations to a party unbeknowns to his parents and children turned up. Shock obviously mortifying at the time but 35 years on it's something that his friends remember and laugh at, something which was brought up in his best man's wedding speech, and yes, something which 35 years on is amusing in a "OMG his parents were mortified," way. And yet I have just been told I am sick in the head for finding children's utter devastation over a party they didn't attend 35 years ago amusing.

Mn has always been supportive but has also always had a reputation for being amusing, funny, lighthearted etc, but it is rapidly losing that reputation IMO.

OP posts:
ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 26/11/2015 16:16

Aren't you really just whining that not everybody sees things the exact same way you do? It's Mumsnet, not Wannabe's Site.
If you don't like it, don't post here.

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 16:17

Maryz the problem with a specific topic for chatting though is that if someone dared deviate and e.g. posted a lighthearted aibu they would be summarily jumped on and told they were posting in the wrong topic and being virtually pulverised is no more than they deserve. Wink

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/11/2015 16:19

Oh come on Constance! The thread was going so well!

ginslinger · 26/11/2015 16:19

We need to bring PARD back and remember that we can disagree without being disagreeable

PurpleHairAndPearls · 26/11/2015 16:20

How kind of you, Constance, to demonstrate the OP's point so perfectly.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 26/11/2015 16:22

There is just a load of trolls fucking about atm, it seems to me. Flabbers my gast how easy it is to troll, the name change facility is very abused. I would like to see it suspended as a trial to see the difference.

I don't think people would be quite so cuntish.

thefutureofpolitics · 26/11/2015 16:22

YANBU at all. I mainly stick to the music threads (can I have more of those please?) after the last run in I had with somebody. There is no need for it at all. I have noticed a few nasty posters seem to have disappeared though so there is hope yet!

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 26/11/2015 16:23

Also, your funny 35 year old anecdote might have gone down well on another thread, but on one talking about currently upset small children it was misplaced and not very amusing.
And you didn't actually read the OP of that thread properly, which you seem to be complaining other people don't do?

SallyStarbuck · 26/11/2015 16:23

No, Constance, it's really different from that. I know what WannaBe means - it's not disagreement, it's not discussion, it's piling in and completely berating a poster for something ridiculous. It's when you get what is obviously quite a lighthearted (or at least not the end of the world) thread, and then it's taken to be serious and half the poster's life is ripped apart online after a few lines of one random story.

AlmaMartyr · 26/11/2015 16:24

It does seem particularly bad atm. It is all so extreme, even about the people being posted about (iyswim). Someone will post about being slightly miffed at a friend's thoughtlessness and there'll be people going 'YANBU, what a cunt' 'she sounds controlling' 'worst kind of bad manners' etc. It makes me wonder how on earth people get through life. Most people are a bit crap sometimes, doesn't make them total arseholes.

And yy to terrible comprehension skills.

Want2bSupermum · 26/11/2015 16:26

Totally agree about politics on MN. I am living in the US, have been for 10+ years. The Trump situation is fascinating to me. Never before has there been a Republican candidate who isn't religious, is pro choice regarding abortion and has been leading the polls by a substantial margin for the nomination for the past few months of the Republican candidate for the next election here. While I don't like the person I think it is fascinating and it is groundbreaking. However, on MN the man is the antichrist.

However, on MN Obama is a GOD who saved everyone from having zero healthcare (not true at all) and has done a great job of extracting the US from the middle east. The irony that the man who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize has overseen US Foreign Policy and insisted on withdrawing troops from the area leaving a huge power vacuum that ISIS filled has caused much more bloodshed than what Bush did. Bush was wrong to go into Iraq but ISIS have formed from the Taliban which were based in Afghanistan. ISIS have subsequently gone into Iraq and taken over once the Americans pulled out. The Obama administration has completely failed to manage the Middle East situation and when I see what is happening to Europe I am left enraged with Obama and his chums whose inaction and wooly minded liberalism has resulted in the innocent deaths of thousands. Now in Europe there is a huge problem with refugees yet American can only take what 10,000.

Oh and if I hear one more comment about Obama being black I will scream. He has a white mother who raised him from birth. He went to a top tier private school that his white grandparents paid for. He went to Harvard on a partial scholarship, the remainder paid for by his white parents and grandparents. Yes his father is black but he had next to zero influence over raising his son. Saying this on MN you are racist. Here in the US many people from all races are not happy that he hasn't given his mother and grandparents due respect. It is bloody rude not to respect your parents. When they have family pictures made public it is his MIL that is in the picture, not his mother. IMO that is wrong. Both mothers should be in the publically released pictures or neither of them. As a parent I would be devastated if my child didn't acknowledge the hard work I have put into raising them.

Weathergames · 26/11/2015 16:27

YANBU OP.

A lot of posters with VERY over active imaginations wanting to know every minuet (sp?) detail of your life which will totally identify you in RL so they can form an opinion and then rip you to shreds.

I just ignore or leave the thread.

Everyone on here is an expert Wink

brittanyfairies · 26/11/2015 16:28

Constance you are a perfect example of the OP's point.

And this is why these days I stick to threads about the telly, everyone's nice over on the telly threads.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/11/2015 16:29

Oh for goodness sake Constance. Just let us have a single thread, eh?

ghostspirit · 26/11/2015 16:29

yeah i semi agree. at the moment i have a thread going thats been on for a while. its kind of nice just couple people posting now and then and its staying how it should. that does not happen often for me so im quite happy gratefull for that.

for me if i do a general thread i dont mind if it gos a bit mad/of track as long as it does not get nasty or to over the top where it could upset people. but if it turns into a debate that does not bother me.

also i do find it odd that posters think you 'have' to take their advice.

i can understand why people put their threads in the wrong places. aibu and chat have traffic. the other topics seems rather quite.

Weathergames · 26/11/2015 16:29

Also all the "feminist" threads end up in a bitch fest - which I find amusingly ironic.

Samcro · 26/11/2015 16:30

thefutureofpolitics even music threads arn't safe, there was one the other day. was all fun. until a party pooper came on with a load of rumour and made up guff about person, totally derailed thread.

I think that the lack of posting in the right topic doesn't help. people seem to just use chat or Aibu for everything.

MaudGonneMad · 26/11/2015 16:32

What a strange post Want2BeSupermum. Obama's mother died in 1995, it would be difficult to release a photo with her. Confused

ayria · 26/11/2015 16:32

People making fights out of thin air.
I was thinking this just yesterday, U2HasTheEdge!

They're amazing, to be honest!

Especially the ones that comment saying the PPs are trying to make something out of nothing when they have just started something out of nothing themselves.

What baffles me though are the ones that comment knowing full well it's not relevant, but just want to be horrible for some reason. Because everything is offensive and absolutely unreasonable! Confused

I would read something and go 'okay, wtf' and read something else. I don't see the point in putting effort into replying if you're going to be mean.

bigbuttons · 26/11/2015 16:34

Ah yes, the Obama being black one. I was hugely flamed years ago for daring to suggest he was not 'black' because he was half white and had been brought up by a white mother etc. I was told I was an ignorant racist. To my mind calling him black is just the same as calling him white.
No doubt someone will come along here and have a go as well.

Mn is not a nice place.
No doubt someone will come along and tell me to 'fuck off then dear'

I have been here long enough (over 8 years) to know the difference between then and now.

bigbuttons · 26/11/2015 16:36

I have often wondered what the twatty, argumentative aggressive posters are like in real life.

Freezingwinter · 26/11/2015 16:39

I agree ive read some downright rude nasty and malicious replies. Wonder if such people are so up for a fight irl or if they are just keyboard warriors Hmm

wannaBe · 26/11/2015 16:39

aah yes the advice ones. The other day I was on a thread where the op essentially just wanted to offload I think. To be fair some opinion was divided as to what she should do, but there was some trend of ltb on the thread. Eventually she and her partner had a discussion and have resolved to try and work things out although nothing is certain, and someone came on and said something along the lines of "so after all the good advice you've been given you're going to do what you want anyway?" Hmm eh? Confused

OP posts:
rumbleinthrjungle · 26/11/2015 16:40

Totally agree, it's got quite nasty around here lately.

Katedotness1963 · 26/11/2015 16:41

I started a thread I thought was lighthearted and laughing at myself. Before the evening was over I was told I was rude, ungrateful, ill-mannered and, possibly, an alcoholic that other parents wouldn't feel safe leaving their children with...

I believe that was the last thread I started.

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