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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

281 replies

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:07

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

OP posts:

GloriaHotcakes · 25/11/2015 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetTilikumGo · 25/11/2015 20:11

You're overthinking this! Just give him the £10 and don't say anything, I doubt it'll be mentioned by any of the others.

BackforGood · 25/11/2015 20:12

You can't offer your friends a lift, then charge them for it.
It will also invalidate his insurance if it ever came up he was charging to give anyone a lift.
It's not the same as agreeing (in advance) to share the petrol when 2 people are doing a long journey.
If he can't afford to drop people into town then he shouldn't really have offered.

LucyMouse · 25/11/2015 20:12

I think you need to keep quiet. It was your mistake in not mentioning the cost. If I was offered a lift and it's only 5/6 miles away I would not expect that the driver would be asking for petrol money. Of course given your boyfriend's circumstances it's understandable but it should have been made clear.

Unreasonablebetty · 25/11/2015 20:12

This isn't the biggest issue in the world, if it comes up on the drive there or whatever just say, it's to cover petrol there and back etc. and you've paid it.
Don't make this molehill into a mountain and it'll be fine.

Comebackbutler · 25/11/2015 20:13

I agree. Pay him beforehand and he won't mention it.

Pomegranatemolasses · 25/11/2015 20:13

I'd say nothing. Tbh, it seems a bit tight of your bf to be asking for a tenner. If I were a friend of yours, it would never dawn on me that someone would expect to be paid for driving such a short distance.

sparechange · 25/11/2015 20:13

Text them confirming who wants a lift and say 'DP has asked if we can chip in to cover his petrol. Would it be ok to get a couple of quid off each of you?'
You don't need to say much more, surely?

Lizawithaz · 25/11/2015 20:14

Of course they assumed it was free - lifts usually are!

gingerboy1912 · 25/11/2015 20:14

I wouldn't expect to be charged for a friends boyfriend offering to drive us somewhere. But I would out of courtesy offer some petrol money, I can see why your friends assumed it was free, you should of mentioned the tenner to them at the start really, so as others have said I would just pay it yourself, no point loosing friends over it.

TeamSteady · 25/11/2015 20:14

I'll be honest, if a friend's DH was offering a lift (inc their wife/girlfriend a lift) and we weren't really out of the way I wouldn't expect to be charged. I'd offer some money out of politeness when we got there but I would be a bit surprised if he took it tbh, and really quite taken aback if he replied, "yes, ten pounds please!"

Maybe its different with different groups of friends, but we will regularly have a designated driver or partner giving us a lift if we were going out. Of course we take turns. IIRC no one has ever taken money, despite offering. If you were going long distance then maybe, but 5 miles??

I suppose it depends how you normally manage it within a friendship group.

PoppyBlossom · 25/11/2015 20:15

I opulent expect to pay, other than a token gesture for petrol and genera gratitude.

BastardGoDarkly · 25/11/2015 20:15

Just pay your bf before you go, no one will mention it, as none of them think they're paying! :)

annielouise · 25/11/2015 20:17

Just give him a tenner. I'd never think to ask everyone for £2.50 each. I'd be embarrassed to ask everyone to chip in for such a short distance. I know he's skint but he was going to give you a lift anyway.

annielouise · 25/11/2015 20:19

Seriously, I wouldn't even think to offer money for a short lift when you're going there anyway. I'd maybe get the drinks in first or something but scrambling about for coins would be embarrassing. I'd be embarrassed that these people would think my boyfriend tight. Would it really be £10 in petrol?

CFSsucks · 25/11/2015 20:19

I think it's quite off that he's expecting paying to take his GF and a few mates who live nearby on a 5/6 miles journey. If I was one of your friends and you asked for money for this lift I'd be very tbh.

MadgeMak · 25/11/2015 20:20

I think asking for a tenner for a 12 mile round trip is a bit cheeky to be honest. Petrol for that journey length would be nowhere near that much, a fiver at most.

HortonWho · 25/11/2015 20:20

Your boyfriend wasn't offering a lift though, was he? He was saying he'd pick you up instead of the taxi as he needs the money and he'd do it £5 cheaper.

babyiwantabump · 25/11/2015 20:20

I would never expect to pay for a lift that was offered! I also would never charge for one! I'm not surprised they expect it to be free!

Original poster

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:22

He wouldn't normally have asked for any money, it's only because he's not working. And it's a lot cheaper than a cab would be, I know it's only 6 miles max but cabs are pretty expensive round here.

No-one normally drives, we all get cabs, or walk if we're just out at the local pub, so it's not an issue that's come up before with this group.

I couldn't tell him I was paying it myself, as I know then he wouldn't take the money off me. I'll have to give him the £10 and say the others are giving me some money later.

And just hope no-one on the way there mentions that they're splitting the other cab fare/ thanks him for giving us a free lift etc!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 25/11/2015 20:22

I can't believe he's making you pay for the lift!

Waltermittythesequel · 25/11/2015 20:22

My dh wouldn't dream of asking for money to give my friends and I a lift. And nor would I if the situation was reversed.

Why not just get the cab? £5 less is not significant is it?!

ohtheholidays · 25/11/2015 20:24

I'd give him the money and not mention it.Honestly I would offer to give him some money if it was me that was been given a lift.

I hope the new job goes well for your DP I bet you both can't wait for it to start.

Original poster

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:25

Just to be clear, he's not coming out with us. So he wouldn't normally be going, it's only because he thought it might be easier/cheaper for us than getting a cab.

Obviously he's got to do a 12 mile round trip - it's about 20-25 minutes each way, so a fair while in the car too.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 25/11/2015 20:25

wow

it's a different world out there

if a partner of mine offered a lift just a few miles and charged for it, I would consider whether he was the right person for me

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