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AIBU?

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Original poster

Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

281 replies

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:07

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2015 21:56

Better still, tell your boyfriend to forget the lift, tell friends were going to have to get a cab, as the car is in fir repairs or boyfriend is going out. There is absolutely Noway I coukd charge friends like that, very embarrassing.

caker · 25/11/2015 21:56

"given he isn't working, I don't think
it's unfair to ask for a little money"

It's not a little money though is it? It's five times the actual petrol cost! I'd get a cab, it's not worth the stress!

pinechesterdrawers · 25/11/2015 21:56

Im cringing too. What planet is your bf on?

whois · 25/11/2015 22:00

I also think I'd just sack it off and get a cab. Not worth the angst.

ChilliAndBint · 25/11/2015 22:05

With my friends, we just sort of take it in turns. If one of us is out of work the others will pay. One friend doesn't drive but feeds us like gods. There is no splitting everything down the middle.

Recent conversation with financially secure aunty; "Can you tell your dad the card lady hasn't paid her rent and it's due in two days."

"I'm sure she'll cough up soon" I reply.

" But she owes us £450... I'm worried she wont pay"
"She's been a good tenant for 17 years" I replied.

"But it's £450 ...she's not usually this late and I'm worried about the money"

" Well Aunt..I wish I had some money to worry about"

She's been ever so offish since.

Coconutty · 25/11/2015 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

molyholy · 25/11/2015 22:08

As a pp has said just say you dh is either not free or car off the road and get a taxi. You have certainly got yourself in a tizzy about this. Thats because it is a tightarsed thing for your dh to do and you are embarrassed about it. If my dh said he would charge me a tenner for a lift a few miles away I would tell him to piss off and tell him he is tight. What difference will a tenner make to his finances. I mean really?

Rachel0Greep · 25/11/2015 22:11

Honestly, I have, in the past offered friends / family members lifts to a night out that they were attending, where they wanted to be able to have a few drinks, and under no circumstances would I ask for money. I've offered to do it, and am glad to. I would be mortified if any of them offered money, I wouldn't dream of asking them.

Everythingwillbeok · 25/11/2015 22:14

OP I think you're getting a really hard time on here, and so is your boyfriend!
Yeah it's not going to be £10 for the cost of the petrol for the lift we've established that but he's going out at night, and dropping you off, hence saving you £5 or maybe more as you'd probably tip the taxi driver.

Then he's has to drive all the way home, so what if he's made a few quid.
It'll pay for a couple of beers to have when he gets in maybe?

I'm sure if he wasn't watching every penny he wouldn't dream of mentioning petrol money.

Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 22:16

I genuinely don't think it's a major issue. If it was I'd have told him when he suggested it!

He more than pays his way (before I get an inevitable wave of 'he's a cocklodger/only after me and my friends for our money etc ;)), his savings are money put aside to pay for his living expenses between contracts, to pay HMRC and so on, so whilst he has some money, it's not a huge nest egg or anything.

I couldn't go through some complicated lie about his car being off the road (friends all live in nearby streets so chances are they'd see him tomorrow driving it) or that he's busy (which again is another lie, and add more complications!) I'll just stick with paying it myself.

OP posts:
Homemadearmy · 25/11/2015 22:19

If he has given lifts in the past and not asked for money. Your friends aren't going to expect to pay him this time. Or offer him money for doing it. Unless they offered the other times?

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2015 22:20

Never the less, There is Noway I could ask my friends for money for a one off lift. I woukd not like to loose my friends fir £10, either pay it out if your pocket or tell them your getting a cab, as boyfriend is going out.

NewLife4Me · 25/11/2015 22:21

If they were real friends and knew he was out of work they would volunteer the money, I know I would.
If my dp was out of work I would think it ok for him to ask for money as otherwise he probably won't be able to eat or pay his bills.
I don't think it's too much to ask.
Maybe a tenner isn't much to some of you.

flossietoot · 25/11/2015 22:22

It's a bit weird to be honest. We used to pay petrol costs to friends boyfriend when we were 17/18 but not at all as an adult!

KeepOnMoving1 · 25/11/2015 22:22

Well think about it.

All your friends assumed it's free because that's what normal people think. How odd to be expecting people to pay? I mean really, who does that.

Floggingmolly · 25/11/2015 22:27

If he wasn't able to eat or pay his bills, NewLife, he could just not offer to go driving people round the countryside taking 25 minutes to go 6 miles

Sallystyle · 25/11/2015 22:28

This would put me right off him. I think it is stupid and I am a bit concerned this is worrying you so much.

It's almost as bad as the time my dad charged me when he picked me up 5 miles away because we got stuck.

Quiero · 25/11/2015 22:31

Christ, just get a taxi.

Honestly petal, things should never be this complicated.

Waltermittythesequel · 25/11/2015 22:38

But he offered. If he couldn't afford it, why didn't he just stay out of the whole thing and let them get a taxi, which they were all happy to do?

Look, he's trying to make money off your friends and I think it's stressing you out because you know how odd it is.

You say it's not a major issue but you must be worried about it or you wouldn't have posted.

HazelOrBigwig · 25/11/2015 22:48

OP, I get that you're going to pay the £10 yourself, and think that's fine.

But, do you not see that the £10 you are paying is just crap value for money? It's way more than the petrol costs would be... doesn't that irritate you?

Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 22:52

Walter, you seem a bit over-invested in the idea he's making money off my friends - it's not like he's charging them a premium, and taking me for free, bloody hell!

I posted about a slightly awkward situation I'd got myself into - I do sometimes get myself into positions where I have to avoid X saying Y in front of Z etc, I'd normally put in on Facebook (if it was a situation where none of those concerned were on FB - in this case everyone is!) or call my best mate (who's on holiday) so I thought I'd start a thread, expecting a few replies, not that a massive thread would come of it where people are telling me to dump a great boyfriend because he's not a free chauffeur to everyone Hmm

OP posts:
Mrscog · 25/11/2015 22:53

I know he's not working but there's no way a 12 mile journey would cost £10!

WicksEnd · 25/11/2015 22:54

Your friends have better morals than your partner.
Their first thought is 'we're going to be a few quid up if we accept this lift so we'll all chip in towards the cost of taxis the others are taking'
Your partner is MAKING money out of you and your friends. Not good.

Tink06 · 25/11/2015 22:57

I wouldnt even think to offer any money in that circumstance. I would give it if I was asked but if I was offered as lift it wouldn't cross my mind for a fairly short journey. £10 is a bit much for 10 miles - he is making a massive profit there.

reni2 · 25/11/2015 22:58

Friends visiting. "Would you like a drink?" "Yes please." Your BF sells you a bottle of plonk worth £8 for £20 with the understanding you're charging your friends. You pay him secretly. Bonkers? No more than your scenario.