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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

281 replies

liftissues · 25/11/2015 20:07

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 22:59

Hazel, no it doesn't irritate me. Realistically a cab would end up being £5, as the fare is minimum £15, but probably £16 something, so we'd end up giving the cabbie £20. So I'm £5 worse off, I should have been clearer in my text, but too late now and given the night itself will probably cost £60-70, £5 isn't that big a deal.

OP posts:
KeepOnMoving1 · 25/11/2015 23:02

Clearer in your text? About what, that you are charging them? Ask yourself why none of them offered to pay, it's because that's what normal people do Hmm

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 25/11/2015 23:06

But he is charging a premium - he's charging about 5x the cost of the petrol!

Epilepsyhelp · 25/11/2015 23:09

'should have been clearer'?! Good god no!! I can understand petrol money (just about - it's 12 frickin miles) but actually asking people to pay for your boyfriend's services because he's broke?! Christ.

foragogo · 25/11/2015 23:09

Thats not a lift thats a taxi.

If hes a contractor with his own ltd company im absolutely atounded that hes in that much need of a tenner - he could even claim the mileage!

Even if hes not asking for payment for a lift that short a distance seems astoundingly stingy to me and i have never met anyone who would expect that.

ShatnersBassoon · 25/11/2015 23:12

Explain to your friends that he's become an unlicensed minicab driver and that while he will undercut a licensed cab fare by a whole £5, saving everyone £1 each, he still wants to make a profit on the run. They won't find that weird at all.

aliasjoey · 25/11/2015 23:12

Why can't you just talk to your boyfriend about the misunderstanding?

ShatnersBassoon · 25/11/2015 23:13

He's out on an airport run.

OhPillocks · 25/11/2015 23:16

I think it's a shame you can't just explain this situation to your boyfriend. It seems a bit silly pretending that your friends are going to pay when you are.

HazelOrBigwig · 25/11/2015 23:23

Yes, to me the weird thing going on here is the fact that you seem to feel you need to effectively lie (or at least withhold the truth) to your boyfriend.

I mean, why do you feel you need to do this? Would he be angry at you? Angry with your friends?

If so, he's being very unreasonable.

Waltermittythesequel · 25/11/2015 23:26

I'm not over invested Hmm why on earth would I be?

I'm responding just like plenty of others.

You said earlier he wouldn't take money if he knew it was you paying so actually he is charging them premium rate and bringing you for free, or at least thinks he is.

If that's OK with you then fine.

I'm not the type of person who thinks it's ok to make money off friends. I'm not the type of person to plaster my life on fb either though.

Different strokes for different folks!

Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 23:28

It's not that I feel I can't tell him - I know his reaction would be to say he'd take us anyway (he's not the kind of bloke to chuck a strop and refuse as there was no money in it). But I'd agreed with him that he'd do it for £10, so I think he should still get the money - hence why (as I've said throughout) I'll pay it myself.

OP posts:
Duck90 · 25/11/2015 23:29

If he said at the beginning that he would do it for £10 then you should have said in your initial text to your pals. Since you haven't done that, I would tell dp what happened.

They sound lovely, saying they will help the others out with travel costs. So not some bunch of people looking for a freebie.

Please don't (as suggested previously) say someone of the group is really short of money, so don't mention the cash. That is not fair on that friend.

Mermaidhair1 · 25/11/2015 23:33

This would have to be one of the strangest AIBU I have read.

longingforfun · 25/11/2015 23:34

I don't think it's at all unreasonable for him to ask for a tenner to cover his petrol and running costs. He's still doing your friends a favour.

Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 23:34

Walter, no that's not it. To clarify, as clarification seems to be required:

I'd agreed to £10. So he'd expect us to split that between us. No premium to them over me. He's not expecting me to get £3.33 off each of them, and not contribute myself. Nor if we all chip in is he saying 'actually Liftissues, here's £2.50 back because I just want to charge your friends and not you'

As mentioned, if I said 'Actually boyfriend, for various reasons the others aren't paying me anything' he'd do it for free, and not make me pay it all myself (but I don't think that's fair on him).

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 25/11/2015 23:38

If someone one offers me a lift i dont give them money.

If i was going out with someone or a group of people i would buy the driver drinks or their meal.

Why did he offer to give them a lift if he cant afford it?

FabergeEggs · 25/11/2015 23:39

OP, why did you agree to put your friends in the embarrassing situation where they're all having to cough up £2.50 for your boyfriend?

Duck90 · 25/11/2015 23:43

He can ask what he wants and OP agreed the charge.

However as people have said companies pay around 40p per mile, which is to include petrol and wear and tear of the vehicle. So that suggests that he is also charging around £5 for 30 mins of his time.

How are you all getting home?

KeepOnMoving1 · 25/11/2015 23:45

This is cringeworthy. Come on now, they're your friends. It's miserly of you to be charging them.

foragogo · 25/11/2015 23:51

Im still astounded that youd ask your friends to faff around with 50ps on a night out that will cost 60/70 quid.

Also astounded that your by would thibk of charging his gf and her mates a tenner for a 20 min drive. Mind boggling. Why did he volunteer if he didnt want to waste his petrol? Did he see it as a money making oppurtunity? But for £10? Really?

Original poster
liftissues · 25/11/2015 23:51

I didn't think I was putting my friends in an embarrassing situation!

If I thought it was embarrassing, I wouldn't have agreed in the first place :)

We'll all be getting cabs home, as we'll be out til 2am or so.

OP posts:
OhBeloved · 25/11/2015 23:52

If I were you Op, I'd come clean with bf.

It's only a tenner - not going to make that much difference to his finances. If you feel bad then pay for something additional when your out next.

But on principle I'd tell him what's happened and let him 'treat'you to the lift. It's good to put him out for you. If he's a decent bf he won't mind. He'll feel for you and the pickle you're in.

If he's cheesed off then that tells you who comes first in his book.

Bigpants4 · 25/11/2015 23:52

Petrol is 13p a mile in my car. We get 40p a mile for work but it covers wear and tear in too if petrol though. I think it would be petty to ask for cash.

If it cost your DH 20p per mile, that's only £1 petrol wise each way.

Bigpants4 · 25/11/2015 23:55

I think your BF paying £2 on petrol and your friends giving you a free ride home, cancels each other out perfectly.