Offered a lift, everyone assumed it would be free...now what?

[liftissues]

I've been on here for years but have NC for this thread as it's pretty identifying (if any of my friends are on MN - possible - and I'd rather they didn't know my normal posting name!)

I'm out with some female friends this weekend - we're going for a few drinks/meal etc in a nearby town, about 5-6 miles away. A cab would be a minimum of £15. There's about 8-10 of us going in all.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my boyfriend, who said he'd give me and another 3 friends (he's got a normal 5 seater, so that's all that will fit) a lift into town. He's not working at the moment, and hasn't been for the last 6-8 weeks - he's waiting for a contract to start which should be early in the NY, and although he has some savings, obviously they are starting to dwindle away slowly, especially with Xmas coming up - so he said could we give him a tenner? (so still a lot less than a cab) which seemed fair to me.

I dropped the 3 friends who live nearest a group text letting them know about the lift - but I didn't mention the £10. Now they've all assumed it's free, and have said they'll split cab fares with the others who have to get a cab (but that I don't need to chip in).

In a sense it's not an issue, I can afford to give my bloke the £10 myself - and not mention it to either him or them - but I'm just thinking what if they mention it in the car? I don't want them to feel bad for not offering him any money, or him to feel bad for asking, but I think if I go back now, when they've told all the others and agreed to split their fares it's just going to be a right mess.

WIBU to keep quiet? Or what else should I do?

Yes, am not quite sure why you can't just be upfront with him.

Also, is there any part of you that thinks his behaviour is off? Or are you firmly convinced that he is being totally reasonable here?

I mean look how his grasping attitude has resulted in all this energy being spent trying to smooth over this ridiculous situation.

Why doesn't he get a job as a minicab driver to tide him over till his proper job starts in the New Year?

Moriarty, yes it's that kind of situation I can see happening! Although yes, in fact I'm probably worrying unnecessarily, and chances are no-one will mention money. Let's hope :)

As I've said, he's given lifts before, when he was working, and not asked for any money. He's been off work for a while now, with no money coming in, so it's a bit different than if he was working.

I'm not worried about his reaction - well, no more or less than I'm worried about my friends' reactions. I don't want to now ask them for money, or say we have to get a cab, in the same way as I don't want to tell him I'm paying it myself, or say we'll get a cab instead. It's easier all round if I pay it myself, which I've no problem in doing, as I said in my OP!

It's scabby of him to look for a tenner. Yuk.

Do you honestly think he's being reasonable, lift?

I can see why they assumed it was a free lift, no criticism of my friends - that said when I've been with other friends and one person has driven (not this particular group, like I said we all get a cab because we all like a or several on a night out..) we'd normally buy the non-driver's drinks all night - which would probably be at least £10 worth or more, given most places seems to charge £3 for a J20 or similar.

Sorry that last post should have said the driver/ non drinker's drinks

If he was working, I'd think he was being a bit on the tight side. But, as I've just said, in other groups we buy the driver's drinks (irrespective of their financial situation). And given he isn't working, I don't think it's unfair to ask for a little money.

I think he's probably not thought the money thing through properly - hopefully! He's probably just thought a tenner as a nice round number that was less than a taxi, not thinking actually in petrol it's probably a lot less than that. So in a way I can see maybe he was trying to help but not be out of pocket, but seriously you can't ask people to chip in and they won't offer. Just tell him you haven't spoken to everyone yet so he's not to mention it and you'll sort it out.

If another situation like this comes up though you can't ask friends to pay. I think I'm quite a generous person but I'd never think to offer petrol money. If out with a friend for the day and she drove I'd get lunch for her and her kids or dinner another time, whatever. I'd only ever consider giving petrol money to someone if it was a regular work lift or a long distance journey that you were both going to. Other things I'd pay in kind.

This sounds like a very bad idea. Don't ask for money, your friends will resent it.

Does he really see this as a money-making opportunity? If he honestly can't afford the petrol it would cost him then he just shouldn't be taking you all.

I'm not disputing he needs the money, but it still seems weird and tight and socially inept to look to actually PROFIT from the lift?

If he wants to generate a tenner he can sell some stuff on ebay or get a Xmas shop job.

Pay him the tenner and forget all about it

I would be horrified if I had to pay someone for a short lift !

I am cringing for you tbh.

He should work for uber if he is that skint

If it was me I'd just make an excuse and say sorry but the lift was off because the car had broken down, was in the garage or your DP had to go somewhere else. Why should you end up doing people a favour and ending up £10 out of pocket. I'd also be seriously thinking about continuing this relationship. You can't charge your friends and your B/f won't do the lift for free. Don't be a mug OP. Get rid of him.

He sounds like a bit of a nob tbh.

You're cringing with embarrassment because you know he's embarrassing - you don't want your friends to know he's asked for a tenner because you're ashamed of him doing so. That's why you didn't tell them.

Trust your gut. Listen to that little voice of shame.

It's not going to end well. Your friends are probably going to get him a bottle of wine or a few cans of beer or something, to thank him. Room for all sorts of confusion here.

Reading the first post, it's not even like he's long-term unemployed on JSA, he's just "in between contracts with savings", which probably puts him in much better financial position than many people? OP why are you covering for him?

It's irrelevant that he's out of work, if he can afford to run a car he can afford to give your mates a lift for free. It creeps me out that he's actually trying to make an easy tenner out of your mates. Tight get.

given he isn't working, I don't think it's unfair to ask for a little money
But he offered . If there was any question of him not being able to afford it, why on earth did he get involved in the first place?

Wow he sounds great

Seriously? The non drinking friend would be out with you on the night out and driving you home.

He's not been asked, he's offered but wants money?

He's trying to take advantage of your friends and you don't see an issue with that??

Op you cannot charge your friends, it's very mean spirited, especially if the petrol is going to cost considerably less than £10 for a 12 Mile journey. My friends mean more than that, I would rather pay my art near that money from my own pocket, than veg each of my friends to cough up. It's a one off lift, not a regular occourance. Don't be so mean op!

I'd give him the £10 but tell him that you haven't mentioned it to one friend as she has money issues and just agreed it all with others so not to mention it in the car. Also warn him that she may thank him for the lift and her saving the taxi fare. That should get you out of a sticky thing.

That's a good idea m4
Give him a tenner and say to say nothing as so and so is skint
God op you are in a right old pickle about this

The whole situation is so cringeworthy.