To consider applying for a stressful full time job to escape the stress of sahm!

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

I took redundancy less than four months ago. Seemed like the perfect solution when returning from second mat leave and commuting 3 hours a day, with eldest DD starting nursery school 9-12 mon-fri. The payout was the equivalent of two years net pay by the time childcare and commuting was taken into account, so it seemed a no brainer.I said I wouldn't look for a job but obviously if the perfect well paid, part time,local job ever came up I would apply.

Three months of school runs later, I feel like I am running around like a headless chicken, constantly cleaning the same things over and over, house is a tip, i am forever being wailed/screamed at for ridiculous complaints all day long. Far from the lady of leisure I get called, I am permanently shattered and constantly chasing my tail!

So this morning a friend told me that my perfect job was being advertised where she works. Sort of director level in my field and sector. Definitely not something they would agree to part time, but I could cycle from my house in five minutes so could probably still do morning school run and it would be good career wise. Might be a bit of a step up from my last role, but I think I would have a good shot.

Since she mentioned it I have been feeling elated at the mere possibility, despite previously saying full time would be impossible. It wouldn't be an easy job, but the idea of stressing about things that are actually important rather than having put on the wrong episode of peppa or offered the wrong snack just fills me with excitement.

Aibu to feel like a high level, full time, stressful job would actually be a relief compared to the mundane drudgery stress of staying at home?!

crab I am sure it does. However isn't all wohm or even wohp.

Nor does it mean that all sahm always make the right decisions. Looking after sick children is not exclusive to sahm.

There are always a few sanctimonious fuckers on these threads, who think that their way is the only way, that their opinions should matter to anyone else.
WTF would anyone care what these fools think of your choices? Work full time, work part time, don't work at all, whatever you want yourself. Do what works for you and your family. Your children will be fine either way

Why do these threads have to start a boring, predictable load of shite about wohm/sahm and which is better. Of course men should be out of the house all day being a 'breadwinner' and are congratulated for it.

OP I work 4 days a week and if I got made redundant absolutely would end up with a FT job as they are what is available, personally I would go out of my mind as a sahm. That is how it is, no point in guilt shaming over it.

Why aren't people telling the op's DH to go part time if working makes you a bad parent?

Haven't rtft (looks like it's degenerated ffs). Go for it. Get a nanny though juggling 2 kids to school/childcare is a pain and I think a nanny is much better for young children (wish I could afford one...)

tobysmum It is sadly predictable. But in fairness there was only one OP who felt strongly that the OP was making a rash decision in returning to work and even she conceded half way through. The thread took a turn for the worse when instead of supporting the OP's position, it was suggested that in fact SAHM's were the bad parents for not providing a good role model. So actually really no one on the thread has suggested that working makes you a bad parent.

It takes a really special person, couple and family to work full time. If you think you have what it takes then go for it. Good luck.

Glad to hear it crabbitface tbf I only got to page 2 maybe things are moving on. Sahms being bad role models is also a complete load of shite however. Anecdotally my own mother was a very happy sahm and it certainly didn't rub off on me.

well you obviously dont like being a full time mother so why not i suppose .its probably because when your girls in childcare they were messing up someone else,s house /nursery .you can always take a job later on you can never get back the time with children .

How come on these threads everyone working full time is doing amazing, stimulating, enjoyable jobs?

I don't think there are any set answers to the WOHM/SAHM debate. Circumstances vary.

Crabbitface makes a very point about time off to raise children being quite small in the scheme of our lengthening working lives.

I also find the idea that you aren't a worthy role model unless you are earning a wage baffling. To give an example, MIL has never done a days paid work in her life, but she's a hugely admirable woman.

There are drawbacks whatever you do.

It's hard to be all things to all people so you sort of muddle through.

Op - one thing. You really need your husband on board and prepared to make concessions in his work/life balance.
Everyone I know who manages successful has a partner who will take his fair share of time off when children are ill, do school run and share housework.

Otherwise you will find it very hard indeed.

I was at home fur 6 years when mine were tiny and I do not regret it one bit.

But I prefer being at work. It's great to have done financial stability and another role.

And I am a full time mother.

How come on these threads everyone working full time is doing amazing, stimulating, enjoyable jobs?

Perhaps because if you have a really crappy boring job, you're much more likely to be happy to give it up and SAH or work part-time when you have children. Obviously some people have no choice except to work full-time, but most people do and if they choose to continue to working FT it's often because they get enjoyment and stimulation from their job.

of course you should go for it. Yes I'm sure it's nice for DC to be home with mum who is a good SAHM, but being SAHM is simply not for everybody. And no that does not mean we should not have had them in the first place, like some people always love to state.

"When my children are ill, I care for and love them like no one else can."

that is a bit daft. depends how ill they are! how many hours they been ill. how many non-sleep hours you have had... you might need professional nursing care... depends how many hours you have been up in night changing vomit bedding or administering drugs. no one can be the best caregiver day in day out without a break. fatigue can cause a lot of issues. you can make mistakes. your care will suffer. if you hand over to someone else to get yourself some sleep is that "loving them less"? of course not.

depends how well they know a caregiver. depends how well their caregiver knows them. when my dc were small i had every confidence in the nanny to look after them just as well, when they were ill.

several times when i had spent a full night in hospital a and e with my croupy son being given adrenalin then nebulisers - by far the best person to take over next day was the nanny i employed because i had full time job. she arrived fresh in the morning and ready to take over. i could go and sleep then be ready to work.

knowing what works for you is what is important. most working/SAHM parents dont love their children less or more because of what they are doing to support their family, earn money etc. (and yes, support themselves, do something for personal benefit too)

Do SAH parents seriously believe they love their children more (in quality and quantity) than the parent who isnt there all day at home?

I certainly don't and i haven't read anyone on this thread say that they do.

I certainly don't think so, or I wouldn't be considering it. In fact I do wonder if I am a better mother when I am not home all the time.

I returned to work when DS was 10 months old and I was absolutely ready to go back as the repetitiveness and drudgery of being at home every day was driving me mad.

Prior to getting pregnant I worked four days a week, 9-5, and it was always my plan to reduce that to three days after maternity but my managers went back on their word and 4 months before I was due to return they said they could no longer honour my request. I was really upset as I didn't want to be away from DS that much. I didn't like the thought of only seeing him for a rushed hour in the morning before work and then only seeing him for dinner, bath and bed in the evening and doing that four days a week.

As a result I started looking for other jobs that I felt were more suitable and then handed my notice in. My new job also involved me doing 30 hours but over 2.5 days which meant I would have 4.5 whole days with my DS. The downside however was that on the days I worked, I would only see DS for maybe 30 minutes in the morning and then I wouldn't see him again until the following morning.

The first two weeks of my job involved a lot of mandatory training which meant 9-5 hours on about 7 occasions and I really, really struggled because I missed DS and I felt incredible guilty. I would see him briefly in the morning and only just make it home in time for bath time. I hardly saw him, I hated it and I spent a lot of time in tears.

However, once those two weeks were up and my shift work commenced things really improved as although it meant not seeing him for 24 hours on some occasions, the fact I had 4+ days a week with him made me feel so much better.

After about 3 months I decided to increase to full time hours which meant I worked 3 full days instead of 2.5. With this though and another change to my shifts it means that at least once a week I don't see DS for 48 hours and that is hard. However, I absolutely love my job and although it sounds awful to think me and DS have to go 48 hours without seeing each other (he's now 20 months old) I know that my shift pattern allows me to have so much more quality time with him than my previous 9-5 job did.

You absolutely should go for the job OP as there's absolutely no point being a SAHP if you are miserable but please don't underestimate how emotionally difficult you may find it.

You won't know how things work out until you try/get the job and you have absolutely nothing to lose by applying but going from being a SAHM to a full-time worker may be more upsetting than you think.

I have absolutely nothing against childcare, my DS goes to a childminder 2 days a week and my mom always worked FT when I was young, so definitely embrace this opportunity but don't pin all your hopes on it being 'the perfect solutions' as it may just bring along its own emotional difficulties.

The best of luck OP - I hope you go for it and I hope, if you get one, you shine in your interview

I certainly don't think so, or I wouldn't be considering it. In fact I do wonder if I am a better mother when I am not home all the time.

I think a fulfilling job which broadens your experiences, which gives you more possibilities and just generally makes you happier will certainly make you a better parent.

It'll be a balancing act, but you sound really up for it so you should definitely go for it.

So because you find the school run tiresome and your children dare to make a little mess in their own home you are desperate to go back to work?.....you may as well as you are are clearly not cut out to be a sahm.

suz what's your point?

That she's not cut out to be a sahm.....like I said.

What does that mean, not 'cut out'?

It means to not be the right type of person for something.

Yes I think OP has pretty much admitted that being SAHM is not for her.

Do it. You obviously want to. And for what it's worth, when I took a year off after DD4, I kept my cleaner and hired an au pair. Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHP.

Go for it. Give it a try.

I work pt and the workload's ended up as a full time one really. The flexibility of contact hours is good but there's no less work ikywim. You seem realistic about the workload.

I personally didn't get on well as a sahm. It worked practically at the time but I felt miserable. Working works for me and my mental health. Just as being a sahm works brilliantly for my bf's.