To consider applying for a stressful full time job to escape the stress of sahm!

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

I took redundancy less than four months ago. Seemed like the perfect solution when returning from second mat leave and commuting 3 hours a day, with eldest DD starting nursery school 9-12 mon-fri. The payout was the equivalent of two years net pay by the time childcare and commuting was taken into account, so it seemed a no brainer.I said I wouldn't look for a job but obviously if the perfect well paid, part time,local job ever came up I would apply.

Three months of school runs later, I feel like I am running around like a headless chicken, constantly cleaning the same things over and over, house is a tip, i am forever being wailed/screamed at for ridiculous complaints all day long. Far from the lady of leisure I get called, I am permanently shattered and constantly chasing my tail!

So this morning a friend told me that my perfect job was being advertised where she works. Sort of director level in my field and sector. Definitely not something they would agree to part time, but I could cycle from my house in five minutes so could probably still do morning school run and it would be good career wise. Might be a bit of a step up from my last role, but I think I would have a good shot.

Since she mentioned it I have been feeling elated at the mere possibility, despite previously saying full time would be impossible. It wouldn't be an easy job, but the idea of stressing about things that are actually important rather than having put on the wrong episode of peppa or offered the wrong snack just fills me with excitement.

Aibu to feel like a high level, full time, stressful job would actually be a relief compared to the mundane drudgery stress of staying at home?!

Do it!!!

I am soooooo much better with my DC now that I am back at work FT. I am almost ashamed that I can manage my job with a smiling face and a total buzz but was genuinely overwhelmed by being a SAHM.

The I think 'fuck it: different strokes for different folks, innit?'

It means to not be the right type of person for something.

That's doesn't make sense. She is a parent, she is the right person to do it. She just does enjoy it.

'Not cut out' for it is very derogatory language.

I hoped to come back to a sensible discussion. Instead it's still the same sanctimonious bollocks from women who cannot or will not accept that their way isn't the way for everyone. It has to be said that many sahm-advocates have not covered themselves in glory in this thread.

It has to be said that many sahm-advocates have not covered themselves in glory in this thread.

There have been very few SAHM advocates full stop. Two have been particularly vociferous and sanctimonius.

Ok. I'll amend that. All of the sanctimonious prats on this thread have been sahms and that does not further their cause.

Sigh

I just wish everyone could support their fellow women and mothers instead of trying to make them feel shit

Thanks for that, Suzy, SuzCorrigan1

So because you find the school run tiresome and your children dare to make a little mess in their own home you are desperate to go back to work?.....you may as well as you are are clearly not cut out to be a sahm.

Had you bothered to rtft you would have seen it is more of a case of the perfect local, family friendly job coming along. I love my children , but that does not mean I want my numerous postgraduate qualifications to go to complete waste. If I try for this job and fail I will happily resume life as a sahm, however, I will feel better about myself having at least tried. Thanks for all the support!

Oh and my children don't "dare make a little mess in their own home". They reduce it to a bomb site five times a day. A little mess I could easily live with, if only....

FWIW, my DSis and I grew up in a household with two parents who worked more than full time hours in director-level jobs. We had nannies, who lived in and generally stayed with us in excess of two years (and two of them came back later and stayed with us for a further 18 months later on).

When our parents were in the house, we were absolutely their focus. They'd walk in through the front door and our nanny would be off duty, we knew that we were our parents' priorities - whether or not they were going loopy watching CBBC every afternoon with us instead of doing something which fulfilled them.

DM died at the end of last year and my DSis and I were devastated. We had a fantastic relationship and she's left a massive hole in our lives because she was so important. I don't think we've been damaged in any way by her decision, nor do I think our relationship suffered.

It can be done. Why not? It has to be managed but it definitely can be done.

And by the way - DM was a single parent for 10 years of my youth, from 9 until I left to go to uni. We all managed well.

Go for it OP. Enjoy. Different things motivate us, we don't all get validation from the same things. I'm a WOHM at the moment. I'll be a SAHM once this baby is born. We'll see how that goes, DH supports me either way.

Well the sahm in this thread have only convinced me that I spills not want to be "cut out" to join their clan, even If I end up being one for a few years!

Would not.,

OP Suz appears to be new ...and has started some interesting threads I'd ignore

The best thing is to be happy - for you and your kids - go for it - try it and see how it works

I work I am glad I work - as a single parent it pays our mortgage and gives us a reasonable life - I also love my job and I am good at it

Be happy :)

Yes, there are really not many posts dissing the op's plans, let's not overstate it eh? I was a sahm for 10 years and only work part time now, but I was one of the first to encourage her to apply for the job on this thread.

I didn't say all SAHMs are prats. I've said all the prats on this thread are SAHMs. Big difference!

Mintyy. Yup - another SAHM mum who has been completely encouraging and non-judgemental. But as I've also discovered in real life - It's absolutely not ok to have anything negative to say about WOHMs (which I agree with obviously) but SAHMs are fair game. The amount of derogatory language used in this thread about what I have chosen to do with my life has not really been surprising. What is surprising is that it has been so completely normalised that people are adamant that this thread is anti WOHMs when in fact any thorough analysis will show that the opposite is true.

Read through. The guilt is palpable.

Bedraggled go for it.

I work full time and have done since my boys were tiny. I loved staying at home with them, but DH and I worked out very early on that if one of us was going to stay at home, it shouldn't be the one with the better earning power. So I went back to work, DH stays at home. The boys know I love them more than anything, they know I work to provide for us as a family, they have a far closer relationship with their Dad than I had at their age (my Dad worked full time too - strange how nobody bats an eyelid when it's the other way round!)

We do have a cleaner though, even with DH at home. He does other house running stuff during the day and we both want to spend weekends as a family, not doing chores. If you want a cleaner while you're at home, go for that too :)

I have been a sahm for years and it is extremely difficult to get back in the work place. Do it OP, there are many pitfalls of staying at home when your children get older and you want to return to work.

Women really are women's worst enemies aren't they? If you don't say this shit about working men then you are a sexist idiot.

OP it sounds great. I now work 24 hours a week after being a SAHM/carer for 16 years. My only regret is that I didn't do something much earlier because at the age of 34 I have no real work experience and earn just over min wage. I am just starting out whereas many people my age are in the peak of their careers it seems. I would advise all my children that being a SAHP is great, but be very aware that if you do it long term it is really hard to get back into work.

Good luck OP.

Yeah, I'd do it in a heart beat if I could find a job that would justify the child care cost of us both working.

Small children are stressful. At work when you're on break, you can tell your coworkers to wait if they need something. If you're in the middle of something, you can finish that before moving on to the next thing. You're certainly not at anyone's instant demand unless you have the micromanaging boss from hell. The personal space freedom that comes with a job is great.

On the other hand, if my coworkers pissed me off a cute grin and hug would not dissipate my anger or make their fuck ups worth all it. It would get me in the papers for work related homicide

Senpai

If going out to work is less stressful than staying at home and enables you to enjoy and support your family more, then why on earth wouldn't you?! If it is more stressful and makes you less happy and supportive and you don't have to, then why do it? OP is clearly in the former camp. The proposed job may not be as great as she hopes, but it certainly sounds great enough to give it a go! Such ideal-sounding, local jobs are a rarity and should not be passed up without giving them a go, first. End of story...

On the other hand, if my coworkers pissed me off a cute grin and hug would not dissipate my anger or make their fuck ups worth all it. It would get me in the papers for work related homicide

I used to work with a twat guy who used to do this...followed up with 'it works with my mum'.

Quite proud of myself that I never punched him

Being close to home, even if you do work full time hours, just removes so much of the stress - you know you are never really out of reach if urgently needed.

Round about That is why I am so keen, I talked it through with dh last night and he says go for it. He pointed out I could literally pop home in my lunch break to shove a load of washing on, which now that I am looking at it in black and white could be taken as a sexist statement about women's work but the reality is that I do all the laundry. So that would be a good thing. Equally if one of the girls was ill I could be there really quickly. II remember the panic when the nursery would ring and I was in London and knew it would be nearly two hours before I could get there if it was badly timed trains wise.

Don't worry about it.

I do all the washing, not because I am a woman. But because I do. Dh does all the cooking.

If he was saying 'you can put washing in at lunch' as a positive and to counter you worrying about things piling up (and he is the type to do his share) then it's ok.

If it was said in a 'well you must nip home as I won't be doing anymore work to help out' then you should worry.

Anyway, my own situation aside, I do think that women can't win. I remember when I was young and child free hearing and believing comments about people who never worked and just "popped out another sprog" with absolutely no recognition of how hard or valuable that was. Since being there myself I take my hat off to those women.

The same goes for the idea that it gets harder to work ft the older the children get, which flies in the face of common perception. But the reality is, as many on this thread have pointed out, is that it can be harder with school aged children than preschoolers. Again, though, I think that is something that you don't realise until you are there. Bit like having children at all really!

A lot of women say they will sahm until the kids go to school, but actually at that point only a part time, school hours term time only would actually be easy. And of course those are like rocking horse shit...