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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider applying for a stressful full time job to escape the stress of sahm!

285 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 19/11/2015 19:33

I took redundancy less than four months ago. Seemed like the perfect solution when returning from second mat leave and commuting 3 hours a day, with eldest DD starting nursery school 9-12 mon-fri. The payout was the equivalent of two years net pay by the time childcare and commuting was taken into account, so it seemed a no brainer.I said I wouldn't look for a job but obviously if the perfect well paid, part time,local job ever came up I would apply.

Three months of school runs later, I feel like I am running around like a headless chicken, constantly cleaning the same things over and over, house is a tip, i am forever being wailed/screamed at for ridiculous complaints all day long. Far from the lady of leisure I get called, I am permanently shattered and constantly chasing my tail!

So this morning a friend told me that my perfect job was being advertised where she works. Sort of director level in my field and sector. Definitely not something they would agree to part time, but I could cycle from my house in five minutes so could probably still do morning school run and it would be good career wise. Might be a bit of a step up from my last role, but I think I would have a good shot.

Since she mentioned it I have been feeling elated at the mere possibility, despite previously saying full time would be impossible. It wouldn't be an easy job, but the idea of stressing about things that are actually important rather than having put on the wrong episode of peppa or offered the wrong snack just fills me with excitement.

Aibu to feel like a high level, full time, stressful job would actually be a relief compared to the mundane drudgery stress of staying at home?!

OP posts:
RoseWithoutAThorn · 19/11/2015 21:31

I totally believe having children and putting them into daycare from 7am until 7pm is unfair to them.

I think believing you can and it having no impact on your child/children is ridiculous.

My comments stand however you try to turn them around.

So, having a Nanny is unfair on children? Ha ha ha ha ha. Also having childcare impacts on children? Yip, ok then Confused

Your comments are small minded.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:35

Thanks again NewLife.

DS is now 17. I did what was right and down scaled my life to put him first.

I dont believe that little ones should be sent to daycare for hours and hours day in day out.

The OP has just explained perfectly now what her set up would be and I have said she should go for it.

roundaboutthetown · 19/11/2015 21:36

When it comes to offensive, I found this comment from Believeitornot particularly offensive: "Plus I actually quite enjoy using my brain and being an individual not just a mother." It is not compulsory to give up using your brain or to lose your sense of self if you do not return to paid work.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:39

How many nannys have you had Rose? The one? that practically becomes a mum? or many in and out of their lives.

You have children, you have to balance your life and theirs and put them first or why have them. If you believe this is not the case and the children/child isnt/arent affected then I really believe you are in denial.

GruntledOne · 19/11/2015 21:39

pinot, I didn't say I didn't like your postings, just that often it's good policy to do the opposite of what you advocate. We're all fully entitled to disagree with each other.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/11/2015 21:41

I don't know why you're constantly thanking newlife Pinot. She's consistently telling you not to be such a santiminious arse know-it-all who thinks what worked for you is the only thing that would work for everyone else.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:44

"OP, in my experience, if pinotblush disapproves of something it usually means you should go for it."

What did that mean then gruntled? or was it a tounge in cheek comment?

Nolim · 19/11/2015 21:45

Go for it OP. A happy mum is a better mum.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 19/11/2015 21:46

pinot. I don't need to justify decisions we made for our children to a small minded individual on a forum. However, you are welcome to spew your vitriolic comments if that's what makes you feel better. Smile

OhYeahMama · 19/11/2015 21:47

'but the idea of stressing about things that are actually important'

What is it with the world where the vital job of looking after little human beings is deemed less important than any job that we do? Sad

Work if you want, but please don't say that looking after young children is not important. The Early Years are very important to a child's long term future.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:47

Why are you being such a rude cow Bit? I have said that I believe you cant have it all. No need for an attack is there.

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:54

Pinot I said noting about part time or compromise. I work full time

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:54

*nothing

ChatEnOeuf · 19/11/2015 21:54

Definitely do it! I'm considering returning full time. I love DD but the minutiae of SAHMming is really not for me.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:56

Jesus christ some people do like a row dont they.

Enought said....

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:59

Yeah you like a row. That's why you came on to a thread to berate someone for considering working. how weird is that?

wallywobbles · 19/11/2015 22:02

Go for it. My elder sister in the UK was a stay at home mum til her kids were at uni. Despite them being at boarding school. She thoroughly disapproved of me being a working mum.

I'm in france, different culture. Didn't occur to me not to go back to work at 13 weeks. Good cheap child care,system set up for working mums.

I could not have been a stay at home mum to small children. Go shine!

sparechange · 19/11/2015 22:03

Haha, Pinot, you've got some front accusing another poster of being rude, or looking for a fight.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 19/11/2015 22:06

Jesus christ some people do like a row dont they.

Pot, kettle, black?

A question really should be finished with a question mark. Like this ? Also don't has an apostrophe. The apostrophe is between the n and t. Christ also has a capital letter. Smile

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 22:06

I came on to the thread to say that you cant have it all.
I came on to the thread to say that you cannot have children and expect to be able to put them into care from 7am until 7pm and not expect that to have an impact on them
I came on the thread to say its the right thing when you have children to work around them not you.
I came onto the thread to say children come before you.

I think you need to re-read what you have said Alice, Mintyy and Ground.

I do never ever try to put anyone down as you do. So i suggest you either stop with the tactics or find someone else to do this with.

tanukiton · 19/11/2015 22:06

Do it! sounds fab. I am kind of a sahm/ wahm. I love my kids but they grow up so fast and stop really needing you all the time. So long as either you, granny, or your partner can do the school plays/meetings then grasp this chance. I have one day a week I put on smart clothes and be a grown up. It is wonderful.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 19/11/2015 22:07

Someone said earlier there must have been a reason why I originally stipulated part time: it was because if I had stayed in my old job it would have been a 7am to 7pm scenario and I did think that was too much. However, that was because despite that also being a family friendly public sector role, I was adding three hours minimum commute to an eight hour day. And on the occasions the trains were screwed it was a nightmare. So on the assumption that to get a decent job it would either be private sector (likely to realistically be longer than published hours ime) or in London (with commute) I thought part time was key. I had actually already had a part time request agreed at my old work when my VR application was approved. However, that would have been 3 days where I was gone for a minimum of 11 hours, so 33 + hours. The local job would mean full time wouldn't really be much more than that, and when necessary I could log on and work in the evening when it wouldn't affect the kids.

With flexitime I could do the school drop off and get to work at 9 and work different hours each day as necessary. If my in laws wanted to pick them up around 4pm a couple of nights a week, like they used to, I could work late those days and get home for bedtime, and be able to leave early the other three days, minimising their time in childcare.

Well, I have convinced myself of the logistics. Now I just have to convince them I am right for the job!

OP posts:
pinotblush · 19/11/2015 22:07

why are you doing this rose?

are you ok in real life?

NewLife4Me · 19/11/2015 22:10

Here we go again, why always the battle?

I have begun to understand that some MUMS I'll say this because we hold each other down this is nothing to do with men.

Some mums that work do see being a sahm as not using their brain. They aren't saying that all sahm's don't use their brain.
As a sahm do you not do lots of different things where you use your brain? It's just in another way to how a particular working mum wants to use hers.

I don't know anyone who is as long a sahm as me, but I can see both sides because I owe it to other women to see their side too.

sparechange · 19/11/2015 22:10

Oh we are all well aware of what you came on the thread to do.
The critical thing missing from your list of honourable objectives is y'know reading the thread rather than steamrollering your judgemental, narrow minded views through.

Thanks for telling us we can't have it all. I missed the memo making you Queen of All Working Women And Decider of What We Can Do
Please do let me know address I can post some of my 'all' back to, now I know I'm not supposed to have it.

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