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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider applying for a stressful full time job to escape the stress of sahm!

285 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 19/11/2015 19:33

I took redundancy less than four months ago. Seemed like the perfect solution when returning from second mat leave and commuting 3 hours a day, with eldest DD starting nursery school 9-12 mon-fri. The payout was the equivalent of two years net pay by the time childcare and commuting was taken into account, so it seemed a no brainer.I said I wouldn't look for a job but obviously if the perfect well paid, part time,local job ever came up I would apply.

Three months of school runs later, I feel like I am running around like a headless chicken, constantly cleaning the same things over and over, house is a tip, i am forever being wailed/screamed at for ridiculous complaints all day long. Far from the lady of leisure I get called, I am permanently shattered and constantly chasing my tail!

So this morning a friend told me that my perfect job was being advertised where she works. Sort of director level in my field and sector. Definitely not something they would agree to part time, but I could cycle from my house in five minutes so could probably still do morning school run and it would be good career wise. Might be a bit of a step up from my last role, but I think I would have a good shot.

Since she mentioned it I have been feeling elated at the mere possibility, despite previously saying full time would be impossible. It wouldn't be an easy job, but the idea of stressing about things that are actually important rather than having put on the wrong episode of peppa or offered the wrong snack just fills me with excitement.

Aibu to feel like a high level, full time, stressful job would actually be a relief compared to the mundane drudgery stress of staying at home?!

OP posts:
pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:11

Here we go.

Why are you embarrassed for me Mintyy? why do you feel the need to try to make me feel small?

I said that a balance is the key.
We all know that going for a high powered job is not going to fit into restrictive hours of 9 to 5, it will extend it always does.
I said you cant have it all.

Lets not twist things here.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 19/11/2015 21:11

You cant have it all OP.

Settle on something in the middle.

Why go to the other extreme?

Why not? DP's are more than capable of parenting while the other is at work. Why should anyone settle for something in the middle?

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:13

Some of us think we do have it all Pinot. Maybe you just can't hack it Wink

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:13

If the OP said she had a partner then I would totally agree, the OP never stated she had one Rose.

regenerationfez · 19/11/2015 21:14

Do it OP. I absolutely hate the drudgery of being at home all the time. Ive been wfh on very few hours for a year and my youngest child has just gone to school. I feel I have achieved nothing all day because the hours all run into each other. When I was working out of the home, my kids had a meal on the table and homework done because I was forced to be organised and had limited time to do it in. They had a wonderful childminder who they still see. Granted I was working 3 days a week but it sounds like you will have a good balance and be much happier outside the home.

Mintyy · 19/11/2015 21:14

Pinot - your first response on the thread was

"Ridiculous.

Have a child and be out of the house from 7am till 7pm.

Get them looked after by others for a majority of their young years.

I don't agree with this at all."

If you don't actually mean to sound so rigid and judgemental (and downright wrong) then why not think for a second before posting?

BitOutOfPractice · 19/11/2015 21:15

"You cant have it all OP.

Settle on something in the middle"

Possibly the most depressing thing I've ever read on MN

pinot I think you need to listen to Newlife - she is right. Just because that was your choice does not make it the right choice for everybody. It makes my heart sink to my boots when I see women dismissing and deriding other women's perfectly legitimate choices simply because they don't match their own exactly.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:17

Hack what Alice? Dont be rude. Im a single parent and have done a blinding job thank you very much.

The OP never stated she had a partner to do his fair share.

Do you have a partner OP?

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:18

I stand by my comments of parenting which means putting your children first and working round them and not yourself.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 19/11/2015 21:19

Apply, obviously. And tell them you'd be interested in a jobshare too. If you don't get it, no decision to make and if you do, figure it out then. They may be up for compressed hours, some work from home etc. And you may well find it's a better arrangement for your family.

Incidentally I work part time, so I think that means I'm allowed to comment without being accused of trying to assuage my guilt or whatever.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 19/11/2015 21:19

If the OP said she had a partner then I would totally agree, the OP never stated she had one Rose.

The OP also never said she didn't have a partner. I find your initial post extremely small minded in telling the OP she "couldn't have it all". Simply because you don't want a career doesn't mean others shouldn't.

Apply OP. Go for it!

BitOutOfPractice · 19/11/2015 21:20

Yeah Alice don't be rude. That's Pinot's job! Wink

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:21

Right. I'm rude and your first post was not? How does that work.

All I mean is different people have different levels of coping. Just because some can't make work and family suit doesn't mean everyone is the same.

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:22

Anyway I am putting my children first. No way would I let them do half the fun messy crap they do at nursery in my lovely house. They win and I win Grin

Aliceinwonderlust · 19/11/2015 21:22

Bitoutofpractise Grin

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:25

Saying you cant have it all is not small minded its reality Mintyy.

I totally believe having children and putting them into daycare from 7am until 7pm is unfair to them.

I think believing you can and it having no impact on your child/children is ridiculous.

My comments stand however you try to turn them around.

OrangeNoodle · 19/11/2015 21:26

bedraggled our housekeeper is amazing.

She started off just doing 2hrs a week of cleaning for us as that's what we could afford and needed the most but then when I went back to full time work she said she could do more and really wanted some variety beyond just the cleaning.

So now she runs errands for us, cooks meals, does the laundry and the ironing. She shares her business with her husband so when we need other things doing that involve his skills, he comes and fixes taps, sorts out grouting, does a little gardening. We fit a huge amount into the 8hrs a week and it's brilliant. I highly recommend it if you can.

Good luck with the job application!

Strokethefurrywall · 19/11/2015 21:26

Meh. I have it all. Career, two very happy kids and more importantly I don't have to clean my own house.

OP, aim HIGH. Don't aim for the middle - show your kids that it's perfectly acceptable to have a career or job that you really enjoy doing day to day. Children don't wither away being looked after by other people FFS.

Please don't feel the need to justify yourself - and good luck! Let us know how you get on!

FindoGask · 19/11/2015 21:26

Pinot you were quite confrontational in your first post. I get that you love your kid, good for you: you're supposed to, but you don't know other people's circumstances and that post and a few others have positively radiated smug sanctimony.

FindoGask · 19/11/2015 21:27

"I totally believe having children and putting them into daycare from 7am until 7pm is unfair to them. "

bedraggled has said more than once that this is not what she is going to do.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 19/11/2015 21:27

Sorry, yes I do have a dh. I must admit he is not particularly useful as he does work the kind of job that is the opposite of public sector 9-5 work life balance!

I do have in laws living within 2miles and my parents live a few hours away but will jump at the chance to come and spend time with the girls at the drop of a hat.

OP posts:
pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:28

Alice

Nursery and part time is a great compromise.

So im not sure what you are trying to say here.

NewLife4Me · 19/11/2015 21:30

Pinot

I used to be like you, especially when my dc were little and pre school.
Wild horses wouldn't have dragged me away and I had such strong opinions.
Even when I first came on here a few years ago I was the same, but not as extreme as I had been.
Do you know what though, it can come back to bite you on the ass.
Then I had to come to terms with my dd begging to board at a new school. One of the main soap boxes I used to have.

OP, only you know what you can manage and what will be best for your family. I wish you well and think you should go for it.
I only mentioned the extreme as of course it is from home everyday to work everyday. I didn't mean anything detrimental.
Lots of parents manage it everyday and like others have said if it doesn't work out then you can always leave.

pinotblush · 19/11/2015 21:30

In light of what you have just said OP, I'd also go for it.

Phineyj · 19/11/2015 21:30

Go for it. Ft work is a lot less stressful than 'pretend' pt work e.g. officially pt but people keep acting surprised that you weren't at the meeting they always have on the day you don't work. I have never heard anyone try to make a dad feel guilty for working ft!

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