to ask my DP to stay in Paris with me?

[hannah0030]

DP and I live in Paris, in an apartment together. He has lived here a few years, I have only just moved in last month. As such, I don't have any close friends here.

He is due to go away this weekend to the UK for a hobby. I feel nervous and worried being in Paris at the moment, and would prefer it if he stayed in Paris with me. We live 5 minutes away from last weeks attacks.

There is no opportunity for me to go to the UK with him, so please don't suggest it!

He was in the UK last weekend for the same hobby whilst the attacks were taking place. I was house bound alone and very scared.

Rationally I know that if something happens it happens, and he can't actually stop it! He would lose his fun weekend, and the travel expenses too. I am only asking him to stay so I can have the extra comfort and support.

WWYD?

I'd be wondering why I'd moved to Paris (presumably leaving my own life behind) to be with a man who kept hopping back to the UK to do a hobby that I'm not involved in.

YANBU, but you have more of a problem than being frightened about the terror attacks.

Sorry but I think you should let him go. He can't be with you 24/7.

Musketeers, the hobby issue is separate - I'm only really asking about this weekend.

Thanks Crinkle and Idiot.

Personally I would encourage him to go, get myself a good book, all the food I needed for a weekend and not leave home for the whole weekend.

Eventually life will get back to normal, but until then I would do what I needed to feel safe.

Why cant you go with him?
If it is only for a hobby, then i would personally find it quite selfish considering how scary it must be for you right now, nevermind when being alone!
At the same time, he can go if he wants to.

I would say yanbu

Don't ask him to give up his weekend. You'll be fine, and you'll feel better after for not giving in to the (understandable) anxiety. Can you find something to go to where you might meet some new people and make friends? Dance sessions, for example.

I'm sure you have posted about your partner and his hobbies before.

If he is unwilling to stay with you or take you with him that would be the end of it for me.

I imagine that normal life will also resume surprisingly quickly. People are amazingly resilient when it comes down to it.

So you've been there a month and for two weekends on the run he's away with his hobby?!

There's very little chance of anything happening in Paris this weekend, don't worry about that. Sadly, the damage is done there now.

I interested in why it is impossible for you to go to the UK with him. Are you from the UK originally? Impossible is a strong word.

The hobby issue is separate. I'm only here temporarily, and knew that he had pre-planned this amount of hobby time. I'm of the opinion that though I'd rather he didn't go away for it so much, it's not fair for me to demand he changes his life, so am putting up with it.

well me going to the UK is probably possible, but isn't an option - I'm asking whether I should ask DP to stay or not.

Just stock up on food and stay home all weekend.

I'd wave him off and go and explore the city - it's an amazing place. Or if that really worries you why not do a day trip to one of the attractions outside of the city, like Versailles?

YABU
You won't be any safer with him with you than with him away.
I know it sounds harsh, but you are a grown woman and you cannot always expect someone to be with you because you feel worried.
Either go away somewhere or stay with friends, but it is up to you to sort out what to do while he is away, not him.

I wouldn't ask him to stay if I were you. The reality is that nothing is going to happen in Paris this weekend, and even if it did you will be as safe at home as you would be if DP were there. Look on it as your chance to have a peaceful couch potato weekend.

YABU - sorry. If we put our lives on hold, the bastards have won. You can't make him not go.

Also, in fairness, this weekend, Paris is probably the safest city in Europe.

I think I would be pissed off with my partner if he pissed off for 2 weekends doing a hobby.

Still as you seem to accept this get in food, wine, DVDs books and have a lovely weekend in the warm apartment.

Sorry but I think YABU. As suggested, just stock up on food and stay in if you don't want to go out. It must have been tough to be there last weekend but going forward I don't see that you can live your life or expect him to live his expecting the worse to happen again. That would be exactly what the terrorists want .

Never in my life have I come across so many folk with hobbies as on MN.

Everyone and their husbands seem to have one.

I don't have one. How do I get one?

I agree with the posters who suggest stocking up with food and good books. If you DP had to go away for work or was working very long shifts ,you would have to get on with it. I fully understand your worry but security is going to be on full alert and the chances of anything happening ,close by, are low. Enjoy your weekend and perhaps address the issue of the hobby ,upon his return .

I think you would be unreasonable to ask him to stay. As we like to say here in the US, "if we change the way we live our lives, the terrorists win!"

MagicalMrsMistoffeless, I could teach you to knit.

I've decided to accept the hobbies. In the past 10 weeks, he has been away 7 weekends, but I have participated in 4 of them, so to some extent I am involved. So it's only really 3/10.

Also we are young - early twenties. If we stayed together in the long term (marriage and children) I'd expect him to cut it down. So at the moment I'm not really addressing the hobby issue.

Do people really think he is acting really badly with this amount of hobby?