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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my DP to stay in Paris with me?

129 replies

hannah0030 · 18/11/2015 14:38

DP and I live in Paris, in an apartment together. He has lived here a few years, I have only just moved in last month. As such, I don't have any close friends here.

He is due to go away this weekend to the UK for a hobby. I feel nervous and worried being in Paris at the moment, and would prefer it if he stayed in Paris with me. We live 5 minutes away from last weeks attacks.

There is no opportunity for me to go to the UK with him, so please don't suggest it!

He was in the UK last weekend for the same hobby whilst the attacks were taking place. I was house bound alone and very scared.

Rationally I know that if something happens it happens, and he can't actually stop it! He would lose his fun weekend, and the travel expenses too. I am only asking him to stay so I can have the extra comfort and support.

WWYD?

OP posts:
CoralieConfused · 18/11/2015 16:21

Seasonal...age related...not permanent... I can't let this go, sorry!

iPaid · 18/11/2015 16:22

Expat - I think I love you for "It's Paris not fucking Basra

It probably felt like Basra to the poor sods being massacred at the concert.

Snoopadoop · 18/11/2015 16:22

He's young, he's child free, he's having fun and enjoying a hobby. Give the man a break. OP if you're not going to go out then you need to stock up with fabulous bread, cheese, cake, wine everything yummy and French. Get yourself some movies, books, magazines and bubble bath. Have some time to yourself and enjoy it.

If you really can't bear the thought of being alone in Paris then ask him if he would mind staying. It's really not difficult.

desperately wants to know what 'the hobby' is

DinosaursRoar · 18/11/2015 16:26

oh OP, have you be stuck in, with nothing to do but stew on it since last Friday? OK - that makes sense why you are struggling to cope a little - I think it's understandable for companies to want to shut down, but I do think removing 'normality' for people by shutting offices actually doesn't help. Will you be back towards the end of this week or are you off until Monday?

DinosaursRoar · 18/11/2015 16:28

I would also say if you don't need to be in work until next week, I'd be tempted to see if I could get a cheap flight back to the UK for a few days to see your family/friends, Friday night out, Sunday night back can be quite a lot more expensive than being able to go middle of the day tomorrow and back say, Saturday. If you could afford that, it might help to get away from the flat for a bit.

Waltermittythesequel · 18/11/2015 16:28

Seasonal...age related...not permanent... I can't let this go, sorry!

Is he an elf?

Is Santa a bit of an ageist when it comes to hiring?

StormBraver · 18/11/2015 16:30

Coralie - ice hockey? I'm dying to know too!
OP, in your shoes I would get myself out and explore the quieter parts of Paris on foot. I suppose that depends where you live though and what sort of things are nearby.

Original poster
hannah0030 · 18/11/2015 16:30

I go back next Tuesday - I have gone out this week but not as much as I would like to usually :(

OP posts:
CoralieConfused · 18/11/2015 16:34

Grin at 'Is he an elf?' Ice hockey playing elf p'raps.

DinosaursRoar · 18/11/2015 16:35

So you could fly back on Monday, even cheaper? Look for flights. I know you said you couldn't go with your DP for every trip he does, but see just how cheap you could get flights.

LeaLeander · 18/11/2015 16:37

To answer your original question, you should just let him go and tough it out yourself for the weekend. I don't believe in curbing other people's activities just so they can provide emotional hand-holding unless it's a truly life-threatening situation like cancer. At some point we all have to grow up and take responsibility for our own mental health.

expatinscotland · 18/11/2015 16:38

'It probably felt like Basra to the poor sods being massacred at the concert.'

The OP wasn't at the concert. Hmm

CoralieConfused · 18/11/2015 16:38

I just googled 'seasonal hobby winter' (I know) and it came up with Reefkeeping Confused

Seriouslyffs · 18/11/2015 16:40

Paris is a red herring here.
If the OP had posted 'I moved in with my partner several hours away from home a month ago and he's been away twice for the weekend, I don't know many people here and work was cancelled this week, AIBU to ask him to stay at home this weekend?', the responses would have been full of red flags and 'he should be prioritising you in the honeymoon period', (which is what I think).

Jhm9rhs · 18/11/2015 16:40

I'd let him go tbh.

TheCuriousOwl · 18/11/2015 16:43

I'm with the 'get on with it' crowd.

I'm from London and I have family members who worked closely with people killed in the Brighton bombing of the Tory party conference. Indeed one of them could have been there but for circumstances. Rail crashes, London bombings by the IRA, 7/7 and the riots, I've been reasonably close to all of them (very close to the riots!) but thank God I was not hurt and didn't lose any loved ones. However I know the feeling of fear and apprehension when a city is on high alert.

But you do have to get on with it. Staying in your house and hiding doesn't stop bad things happening to you, terrorists can bomb residential areas just as easily as public places. But staying in your house does make you live half a life. We're all going to go sometime. Just be sensible and vigilant. If something's going to happen, it's going to happen.

CheekyMaleekey · 18/11/2015 16:44

God, get a grip! You're an adult!

Of course he should go away and you need to get a life.

Waltermittythesequel · 18/11/2015 16:52

It's not really a honeymoon period, is it?

They're only together 18 months.

They're young. She's on there for a few months for a laugh.

Sounds very casual. I wouldn't expect him to cancel his toy making plans.

CoralieConfused · 18/11/2015 16:56

Santa probably doesn't want his young elves being known in the real world - that could tie in with 'the hobby' being identifying.

Seriouslyffs · 18/11/2015 17:07

Having moved in a month ago, it is honeymoon, yes. He should be treating you better.

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/11/2015 17:15

I think if someone posted about a boyfriend who had decided to crash at their place for three months because he had nothing better to do and thought it would be fun, then wanted the OP to give up previously arranged engagements, that she enjoyed and that he knew about before he moved in, in order to hand hold, posters would not necessarily be telling the OP she owed him that.

shebird · 18/11/2015 17:20

I do feel for you OP, being in a strange city alone with all this going on must be pretty scary. As others have said stock up on yummy things and see how things go. It's might have calmed down a bit by the weekend.

TwoSmellyDogs · 18/11/2015 17:20

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Wed 18-Nov-15 15:00:46

Never in my life have I come across so many folk with hobbies as on MN

Me neither. It's almost like you're not whole unless you/your partner/DH/Great Uncle Nobby has a hobby. A mysterious hobby at that because people NEVER reveal what these hobbies are. Grin

Do forgive the slight hijack - it's my hobby, you see Grin

OnTheEdgeToday · 18/11/2015 17:22

Id like to think that if i was in OP's position, that my boyfriend would be insisting on staying with me. Not because i asked, but because he wouldnt want me to feel vulnerable.

If none of this had happened, and OP was just asking if she was being unreasonable because she all of a sudden didnt want him to go, id say she was being unreasonable.

BarbarianMum · 18/11/2015 18:03

BoomBoom quite. It's Paris ff! Assume the Op moved there cause she thought it'd be a fabulous opportunity (obviously she didn't know what was going to happen).

If my boyfriend 'insisted on staying with me' in a similar situation I would find it off putting.