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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 17:07

at some point kids need to fall in line.

no school or nursery or work place will put up with erratic at tendency or refusal to consider others when taking breaks or expecting a whole group of people to hang around wait g for you to finish something.
so either a person is truly self centered or they are opting out of parenting all together

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 17:20

Perhaps if you had been taught boundaries and independence you would have been able to visit a doctor without an adult holding your hand as an adult!

From your posts on here it certainly doesn't give the impression that so much control and freedom have done you much good!

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 17:24

I'd say it's your friends ex who's unusual

Maybe, but there's no way of knowing, as everyone else I know was brought up with boundaries (and all have good relationships with their parents). But I can certainly see how this man came to the conclusion that his mum didn't care, and why he is now quite a selfish person.

It also meant I was fairly popular amongst my friendship group as I had "cool parents" apparently so I doubt many kids dislike it - I bet you were, but then lots of kids have little clue what's actually good for them!

If I let my teenage son do exactly has he pleased, he'd eat sweets all day, stay out till all hours, and never go to bed. He'd fall asleep at school (if he even went) and not get any qualifications. How is that the right thing! But he might well think I was a cool mum!! Or he might decide I just don't care about him.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 17:44

Sirzy so because I had a fear of medical places, that's to do with parenting is it?

And that's just because you disagree with me. I'm a perfectly functioning member of society, just like you. I just have very different values.

budgie I think it's incredibly dramatic to think your parent doesn't care down to that.

I suppose it depends on the child, left to my own devices I read books all day and learned hobbies like acting, political activism and hung out with friends.

I did hardly go to school though but that was down to multiple issues

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 18:09

budgie I think it's incredibly dramatic to think your parent doesn't care down to that.

I don't think it's particularly dramatic. He could see that all his friends had boundaries and he didn't. He's a pretty intelligent guy who decided it was because she didn't care, and he equated that with not loving him ( I don't know if he was right or wrong, by the way) .

And given that most parents set boundaries because they care ( and not just to be mean) , I can see how he might come to his conclusion.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 18:14

budgie why would you immediately assume that? And why wouldn't you ask?

Why just sit there angrily brooding?

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 18:21

Because if your gone hours and no one's been worried or tried to call you and you did stuff others were stopped doing because it was dangerous or whatever of course they are going to question. if they care. boundaries are usually put there became parents what their kids happy and healthy and safe and warm. no curfew could easily translate as they couldn't care less if you went home or not

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 18:22

*budgie why would you immediately assume that? And why wouldn't you ask?

Why just sit there angrily brooding?*

I don't know, I'm not him! Maybe because he was a teenager who struggled with that sort of thing? Some teenage boys are notoriously bad at communication . As you keep saying, all children are different.

Original poster

firefly78 · 19/11/2015 18:29

Tali you are clearly bonkers.

OP posts:

IoraRua · 19/11/2015 18:32

Tali I am genuinely very curious as to what you'll do when your child reaches school age.

We expect them to tidy up. No ifs or buts. If he doesn't want to tidy up at all what do you expect the teacher to do? Or if they all refuse to?
Picture the scene. It's going home time. The children have been having play time.The teacher asks the class to tidy up after themselves, they refuse. What do you expect to happen?

The same applies to school uniform, eating lunch at lunchtime, not hitting, sharing...all basic things we expect them to do, even if they don't want to.

IoraRua · 19/11/2015 18:33

Ooh, that was meant to be in bold, not underlined. Silly phone.

MaudGonneMad · 19/11/2015 18:34

This thread certainly illuminates the eating on trains thread

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 18:46

Iora how old are they? How much tidying are you expecting? Pencils in pencil cases fine, but I wouldn't expect kids to tidy equipment away so to speak.

We used to get it out and put it away for them. NT kids as well as SN

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 18:49

I would assume books back on shelf, things back in boxes/drawers, lids on pens rubbish in bins , instruments away etc

all stuff kids can do from pre school upwards easily

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 18:49

I have worked in lots of school and never in one which didn't expect children to help tidy up. Teachers and TAs aren't there to tidy up their mess!

IoraRua · 19/11/2015 18:51

For junior infants (4-6 ywar olds) I expect things like putting their toys back into boxes, putting their homework folders up on my desk, picking up big pieces of paper from the floor. Simple little jobs. Obviously kids new to school need time to get used to the routine but they do cotton on very quick.

No bloody way would I be tidying up all the toys, there is not enough time. I put toy boxes away but it's their job to make sure their play groups toys go back to their box. My class actually love the responsibilty!

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 18:51

They picked up rubbish off the floor, but we put the scissors and paints away and so on. They just pushed them into a pile in the middle which seems reasonable imo

reni2 · 19/11/2015 18:51

No, Tali is not bonkers, Tali is an idealistic mum of a newborn who has it all planned out. Most of us have been there and done that, perhaps most of us haven't been quite so vocal about it.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 18:54

Iora that doesn't seem too bad to be honest, we just made them out the equipment into a big pile and then collected it up rather than have them sort it if that makes sense!

IoraRua · 19/11/2015 18:55

Actually tbqh a lot of the time I have to stop them from trying to put the boxes away themselves. Occasionally you do get one into school who expects tidying done for them but that doesn't happen in my room. Barring sen, and even at that my sen kids are generally very eager to help tidy.

MaudGonneMad · 19/11/2015 18:55

Are you a teacher Tali? Or a TA?

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 18:56

Very true reni I cringe now when I think of some of the things I used to think before ds was born and when he was tiny. I have quickly realised that best laid plans hardly ever work in the real world. I often feel a pang of guilt for some of the things I used to judge others on.

IoraRua · 19/11/2015 18:57

Ok Tali, but let's say you have a child who refuses to help clean and it's rubbing off on the others, what do you expect of the teacher?

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 18:59

Maud before I had DS I worked as a TA.

Iora I'd probably talk to the child, ask why they didn't want to, find out what's bothering them, give them "special" jobs to make them feel important, a sticker chart etc

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 19:00

Tali I'm quite interested to know, as you were a TA, how the school you worked at operated. Presumably it had rules and boundaries in place. Did you agree with that?

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