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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:
BooOzMoo · 19/11/2015 14:53

My DD is 4 and we walk half s mile to the bus stop ... She gets the bus and then goes straight into school! Parents that drop off can only drop at the school gate. Otherwise all the roads get congested.

She has become very confident and independent!!

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 14:56

Nishky he is at the moment, you teach them things from the beginning

budgie I would never want him to do something just because I said so

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 14:57

tali exactly how old is your son?

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 14:59

how?

so dh buys you theatre tickets buy ds doesn't want to go to grandma's and no amount of bribery is changing his mind. do you still go?

dc1 had a parebts evening but dc 2 is poorly and grumpy do you cancel despite the fact the neighbour/friend/ husband is a perfect tmy capable adult just he wants you.

bus is leaving In ten mins and and he won't stop crying because he wants to fly home not get the bus?

you do get that kids don't always respond to bribes/distractions and that there's not always time to try dozens of ideas before you find one that works right?

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 15:00

You know I have just spend the day at a disability exhibition where a lot of the stalls where focused on helping children with disabilities to be as independent as possible yet on here there are seemingly some parents of NT children who are determined to stop their children having any sort of independence or making it as hard as possible for them to develop the skills needed to be independent.

op my comment wasn't aimed at you, I am glad he went in well today. Just be careful when you drop him off that he doesn't try it on with you it's amazing how some children will learn to play parents!

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 15:01

I would never want him to do something just because I said so

I did say that would come after explanations. But sometimes a child won't do what you need them to, despite all the explanations in the world. Sometimes you just don't have time to explain. Sometimes you are sick to the back teeth of explaining, and your child saying for the 82nd time "But why mummy?"

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:06

giles the first one is unlikely to happen to me for 2 reasons, I'm a single mum and DS loves my mum and dad! If that did happen I don't know what I'd do, I don't think i could enjoy myself if I knew DS wasn't happy

Second one id cancel without a second thought

Third one id probably walk and make it fun

Sirzy I'm not stopping his independence far from it, I just believe in waiting till he's ready. I don't like it when kids are not independent but the way to encourage independence is love and understanding not fear and pushing

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:08

budgie I love it when kids keep asking why, it shows an enquiring mind which isn't something I'd want to stamp out.

TheHiphopopotamus · 19/11/2015 15:09

tali exactly how old is your son?

I'd like to know this as well.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 15:11

you'd cancel a parents evening g?

do you not care how your other child would feel about that. that just because he didnt cause a fuss his needs don't matter as much?

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 15:12

I love it when kids keep asking why

That's good Tali, because you're gonna need to love it if your baby turns into a toddler like my middle child !!

it shows an enquiring mind Or it could just show that they didn't understand what you said the previous 81 times !!

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2015 15:12

And 6 miles with heavy shopping in the rain?

fun?

really.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:12

My son's a baby.

Giles I'd send the other parent or grandparent. I wouldn't let my child be upset for the sake of a parents evening (do kids care about parents evenings? I hated them!) which is more about the teachers anyway.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:13

I walk 3-6 miles daily because I don't have a car. Wouldn't bother me Giles.

Budgie I genuinely could sit and talk to toddlers for hours, I love it.

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 15:17

If a child learns that mummy will always do everything and they don't have to do anything they don't want then how will they learn to be independent? Pushing a child is helpful for their development.

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 15:24

I genuinely could sit and talk to toddlers for hours, I love it

Me too, Tali, and I spend as much of my spare time with my children as possible.

But what if you have to go to work, or the dentist, or the doctors, and your child wants to sit and talk? Or refuses to go to the childminders. Or grandmas. What then?

I think you seem to be living in this bubble of an ideal world. But it's just not practical (or healthy) for a child to never have to do something they don't want to. It's fine for you to think it will be like this in the future, but somehow I highly doubt it will work out that way.

Hersetta427 · 19/11/2015 15:27

It's ok as tali will never go to a parents evening as she will never find a school that will accept her need to sometimes stay with her DS all day long.

I am interested to know that (if you ever find a school you are happy with) and 10 mins after arrival your son is happy and settled they ask you to leave, cue big lip wobbles from your DS would you actually refuse to leave? if it came down to a straight choice where they asked you to leave with or without your child, what would you do?

Your son is 7 months old - you are not teaching him to do the right thing. Your naivety is quite frankly hilarious.

MissHooliesCardigan · 19/11/2015 15:28

Tali DS2 age 7 just announced that he didn't want to go to school today. He loves school but thinks it's unfair that DS1 has had 2 days off this week as he has mock GCSEs and DD had Monday off sick so he should get a day off as well. He cried hysterically the whole way to school and nothing would console him. Do you think I was being a bully and I should just have taken a day off work and kept him at home?
There is a difference between a child who is crying because they are hurt or distressed and one who is crying because they're angry that you wouldn't let them eat a whole packet of Hob Nobs for breakfast.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:28

Sirzy it's not mummy will do everything at all, it's mummy will ensure that you are comfortable and happy and confident.

Pushing is not. If the child feels secure and happy they'll do it of their own free will.

budgie I'm at an advantage that I won't be working full time until DS is 4 so I have the time and flexibility to spend hours with him whenever I want

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:31

missHoolies he has a point that it DOES seem unfair, at least to a child.

I personally would but like I said I don't work at the moment so I'm at an advantage. I want to flexischool him anyway so a lot of this doesn't apply

Sirzy · 19/11/2015 15:31

So when the floor is covered in toys and you ask your child to tidy them and he says no what will you do? No amount of reasoning makes him want to tidy.

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 15:33

'm at an advantage that I won't be working full time until DS is 4 so I have the time and flexibility to spend hours with him whenever I want

I'm pleased for you Tali, I genuinely think it's lovely that you can spend so much time with your son.

But tell me something, how are you possibly going to work full time when your child is 4 if you are busy sitting all day at school with him because he doesn't want you to leave?

budgiegirl · 19/11/2015 15:35

*missHoolies he has a point that it DOES seem unfair, at least to a child.

I personally would*

Ok. That answer is just so completely ridiculous that I've decided that you, Tali, are actually just giving bonkers answers to keep the conversation going. I can't really believe that anyone is quite that naive.

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:36

Sirzy I wouldn't expect a 4 year old to tidy up personally

budgie I'm planning on keeping him off till he's 5, and I'm hoping to work part time myself

TaliZorah · 19/11/2015 15:37

Nope, I believe kids learn just as much from practical things at home as they do at school hence flexischooling sounds ideal to me.

The odd day off can actually be beneficial IMO