to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

[firefly78]

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

Oh heck that's a point, what happens if you have a 6yr old who doesn't want to go to bed and wants to sit with you?

or change their dirty underwear?

Urgh yes, and hand washing or making sure pee goes in the toilet!

Tali may say (and genuinely believe) that she was fully in control of her household as a child, but I would be amazed if this was genuinely the case. For one thing, she will have no memory of her very early years, when her parents may have controlled her behaviour much more than she thinks. It is much easier to give an older child more latitude as they can be properly reasoned with after a certain age.

DS was never keen on 'shakey shakey' so used to always get a wet patch on his undies then he didn't want to change them, he wanted to play. He knew why he had to change them so explaining wouldn't work...I do a countdown when he's naughty...5...4...3 then he does it, I haven't actually got to 1 but my angry face and stern voice do it...I'm so mean.

I'm sure drs love sticking their fingers In someone's rectum. I'm sure nurses love peering up fanjos.

I'm sure a surgeon would prefer three ours of COD over a 14 hour operation.

imagine if they didn't want to so didn't. ...

I knew a man who was raised this way, he admits he was a very unhappy child. He was used to always having his own way, choosing what he ate, when he went to bed etc. he struggled to fit in at school as he found it hard to play nicely with other children.

As a teenager he was the only one of his friends who was allowed to stay out until any hour, and he began to question if his mum even loved him, as he figured that she didn't care enough about him to set any boundaries.

He was married to my friend, but the marriage lasted 6 months, and he was aware that he was to blame but he found it very hard to see any one else's point of view but his own.

Kids need love AND boundaries- they're not mutually exclusive

NK You horrible nasty bully.

I would actually say that that level of "freedom" is abusive, budgie - especially allowing a teenager to stay out until any hour they chose. Perhaps done with the best of intentions, but abusive nonetheless.

That's what I'm offended my too, that anyone would (seriously) believe I would bully my children because I do tell them off, get angry with them, sometimes force them into doing things, like washing, going to bed etc.

It implies that the reason they still love me and snuggle with me they must have Stockholm Syndrome!

Oh Budgie, that's what I would imagine happening in the BEST case (unbelievably) the worst that they become a "I want it and I want it now" sort and feel like the world is against them when they don't get it.

The hypothetical questions are a bit weird, I could do the same to all of you lot about your parenting.

Re my own experience, I can remember to age 2 weirdly (I've had this confirmed by asking people if certain things really happened) and I've also discussed it with my parents. My mum is very...liberal. There was never "because I said so" it was always explaination. I was also taught to question question question, something that I'll admit got me into a lot of trouble at school. Made for a better all round person though!

NK again strategies I personally wouldn't employ (I think "stern faces" are frightening to kids and a bit mean) but each to their own.

I was allowed to choose what I ate, to stay out pretty late, and generally given freedom. I didn't hate it, it made me grow up a lot quicker than other kids and meant I have a great relationship with my parents. It was awesome.

It is a parent's business to set limits - from toddlerhood onwards. You do your child no favours - and actually damage them - by allowing them to believe that life can always be lived on their terms. We are individuals but also members of society where adhering to certain standards and expectations is the price of belonging.

"Live your life how you want providing it doesn't harm anyone else" is pretty solid Saul. You don't need boundaries, just a little respect for others

kids that are allowed to do what they want when they want no to bed when they want etc find it too much. they can't make decisions at that age. they have no idea if they go to bed at 12 they are going to be shattered in the morning. they have no idea that if they walk out the front gate and across the road they could get hit by a car.

they can't grasp that they can't do something right now because someone else needs X.

once they hit pre school they will be expected to come inside when asked or share or sit down fir lunch etc. going to the toilet is t something done fir fun when they cab be arsed. it's a regular part of life not to pop your pants or walk around wet and stinking because you don't want to go to the loo or change your clothes.

Oh definitely, as long as your definition of "a little respect for others" includes obeying the rules at school and in society generally and not trying to insist on special treatment or freedoms for yourself.

I always question too, hence my questions! Even hypothetical ones, if you have any hypothetical questions I for one would be happy to offer my perspective.

Sorry, that was to Tali.

It alla ctuakky sounds rather selfish and lazy. more like you can't be arsed to put the work in to get them into bed or dressed so you don't and they walk around dirty or fall asleep on the floor where they drop.

sounds more like you expect everyone else to do it all for you.

I was allowed to choose what I ate, to stay out pretty late, and generally given freedom. I didn't hate it, it made me grow up a lot quicker than other kids and meant I have a great relationship with my parents. It was awesome

I think you were extremely lucky to still have that good relationship with your parents then. It totally destroyed my friends exs relationship with his mum, they no longer speak. It also meant he had few adult friends, and a failed marriage. It was a terrible shame.

all actually

My 6yr old loves late nights and he's an early riser. If he went to bed at midnight, he'd still be up at 6:30. If he went to bed at 1am, he'd be up at 6:30. I don't believe it would be good for him, I can explain all I want, he would still stay up. Therefore, I make him go to bed, sometimes sternly- I am not mean and I do not frighten my children.

budgie really? I'd say it's your friends ex who's unusual. I'm best friends with my mum, in fact she's always been like a best friend to me.

It also meant I was fairly popular amongst my friendship group as I had "cool parents" apparently so I doubt many kids dislike it.

My Mum is very strict, you'd hate her Tali. Strangely, all my friends love her, as do I. She isn't my best friend though, she's much more than that, she's my Mum.