To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

[FargoFGS]

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

I'm not sure this is LTB territory unless it's one in a long line of incidents where you feel he's mocking you.

Are you sure he just doesn't get where you're coming from?

But if a tenancy is all that's keeping you together there's no need to stay if you don't want to.

mrsfumble I think in the UK it's definitely rude to comment on the non use of chopstick. It's like someone already mentioned about eating with their hands in a polite way. I'm in awe with Indians and their naan bread! The time I tried I made a real mess.

In the Far East, it is considered uncouth to not use your chopsticks properly. For example they aren't supposed to cross. Some Chinese don't get it right and are seem as working class. (Like holding a fork in the way a toddler does). ricecrispies DDs have trainer chopsticks we bought from Hong Kong. They are behind in their chopstick use compared to kids over there. I would think by the time they start school they should be able to do it. It's really easy once you know how to do it. There isn't much strength or dexterity required. I would say many here who finds it difficult don't use the bowl that comes with the chopsticks properly. As already mentioned by others in this thread. For example DH can hold and pick things up with his chopsticks but he absolutely fails at pushing the food from the bowl to his mouth without slurping. I don't know why he can't do it without making noises.

But I'm off on a tangent.

I also wonder about fish knives :)

Oh and I tried looking for a butter knife in the shops. Do you know they are very rare? Can't buy one unless I want to pay ££

Trainer chopsticks for kids
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00HZ7QU00

IT has finger guides so the child will hold it the correct way.

For all 'cultured, and pushy mums out there. Perfect for using with their Saturday mandarin/Japanese lessons.

I imagine a lot of occasional chopstick users in non-Asian countries are doing it wrong. I certainly am; I get cramp in my palms after a while. But as I view using them as a fun way of entering into the spirit when eating out rather than an essential life-skill (or a measure of culture), improving my technique is not high on my list of priorities. As long as I'm not dropping food down my top or flicking it across the table, I consider myself competent enough.

It's possible that the OP's dining companion's chopstick skills weren't up to Native Chinese standards either, which makes her looking down her nose at the OP even more ridiculous.

By the age of 8 I could use chopsticks, ride a bike and swim because I had been taught to do so. Ds is 8 and can do none of those things because he has dyspraxia and hypermobility and can barely use a knife and fork. Being cultured has nothing to do with anything and it's extremely rude to laugh at someone for not being able to do something.
Oh, and we eat sushi with our fingers in this house!

Your post has actually made me feel really sad for you, the fact that she has made you feel so bad that you feel you have to practice in secret. No one cares whether you can use them. When I was younger it was a thing to teach each other when we didn't know how to do it so that's how we learnt but who cares, carry on being a decent person and ignore that twunt.

I know how to use chopsticks because, crucially, someone taught me. Just like I was taught to use a fork or drive a car. None of these things are inate!

Not read TFT. I wouldn't say the Chinese were uncultured for not being able to use a knife and fork (assuming they can't) so I think you're ok. Mind you, some a Westerners can't use a knife and fork but they have no excuse.

No point struggling when you're starving!

Comforter Can you do a one handed cartwheel? Because I can. And I see it as a very important life skill (how else to impress my 5 year old and all her gym mad friends!) and think that not learning is lazy.

Using chopsticks is one of a million vaguely useful skills that some people have and some people don't. It is no more lazy to not be able to and to not see the need to practice than it is to not know how to work out the square root of a large number by hand and not bother learning. (I can do that too!)

I can actually, I'm very athletic.

And the square roots???

My degrees are in maths, don't worry abut my skill sets.

My Father was Chinese and ran a Chinese restaurant, I spent the first few years of my life there in the laundry basket with the dirty table clothes and could use chopsticks at a very young age.

It would be the height of bad manners to mock a guest in a Chinese household over non chopstick use.Whenever I have people over for dinner I make chopsticks and knives and forks available. If people want to be shown how to use them then I help them but it is not obligatory.

It is considered very poor etiquette to point your chopsticks at anyone and never stick them vertically in to your food and leave them there even if just for a Second due to superstitions about death.

When served tea in a restaurant it is polite to tap the table alongside the cup with your three middle fingers very gently as a way of saying a silent thank you.

As a chopstick using tip, many people hold them too far down the shaft and close to the plate or bowl which is why you get aching hands.

That woman was extremely rude and I'm sure you are hurt by your OH laughing, how mean of him.

I ALWAYS ask for a fork instead of chopsticks. I have tried to learn how to use chopsticks but just can't and so have given up.

I haven't read the whole thread but I had to post because I bloody hate the things and if I could they would be consigned to Room 101. Yes I can use them but even so I feel a bit pretentious doing so. I don't go to an Indian restaurant and eat with my fingers, so why is it essential to eat with chopsticks in a Japanese restaurant? Sorry if someone else has already said this. I'll RTFT next time.

Sounds like she was putting you down to make her feel better about herself for some reason. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour, tipsy or not.

There's that story about the Queen isn't there, that if she is in a setting where somebody makes a faux pas like drinking from the finger bowl or using the wrong fork, the Queen would never draw attention to it and has sometimes been known to do the same thing to prevent her guest being embarrassed. Because it's a far worse faux pas to make someone feel uncomfortable or judged than it is to make a faux pas.

IMO that means the Queen thinks this woman's a twat. And the Queen is the final authority on manners and that innit.

If your tenancy agreement ends in under 2 months, then hold your fire - but when it comes to renewing, or moving, MOVE OUT. WITHOUT HIM.

He's being a wanker and very unkind - at this point in time, it really doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong (you were still right though) - he shouldn't still be fucking laughing at you and trying to minimise your justifiably hurt feelings. If he'd prefer to take his friends' side over yours, then he's not a decent partner, or even a decent friend to you - so fuck him off when the tenancy agreement ends and walk away to find someone who DOES give a shit about your feelings.

I live in London and can't use chopsticks but don't consider myself lazy TheComforter and find it slightly hilarious that yum it hold such a serious view!

Despite leading quite sociable lives and going out to eat a LOT for both work and off duty fun, we go out for Chinese approximately once a year as I'm not mad on the food. I have tried occasionally to learn how to use them (and when I went to Hong King as a teenager I could use them perfectly well, weirdly) but now I can't and frankly can't be arsed.

Watch a YouTube tutorial? I honestly have better things to do!

I have more than enough confidence to ask for a fork quite happily, most recently in Hakkasan, and couldn't give a flying fuck.

OP this woman sounds bloody rude and unsophisticated for behaving like that. Your DH doesn't come out of it very well either tbh but hopefully everything else about him is so lovely that makes up for it!

She's an ignorant bitch. Very very rude.
I can use chopsticks, I love using them.
But I also have a joint condition and a condition which causes swellings on my fingers. Some days it's just too painful to use them. If anyone ever judged me for using a fork I would be

Your not uncultured. Shes a dick and if you dh didnt stick up for you (even in a joky way as not to kill mood) then more fool him as thats a bit shit. It took me aggges to use chopsticks i had one of those plastic ones that are attatched for kids! (I only persevered as i love japanese food and not because its a must have life skill or anything lol)

Two months is nothing. Check the contract for how much notice (or payment) you need.

If he's being such a twat that you want to leave him, I'd consider two months rent a good trade off.

It does look like there must be more other than this event, though.

Why does it matter though?

Well, it doesn't does it.

We live in a culture that uses knives & forks.

Does itmatter if we use them to eat food that is from a culture that would eat it with chopsticks?

When you are moving out in just under 2 months make sure to give him a large pack of chopsticks as a leaving gift.