To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

[FargoFGS]

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

[Tneconni]

TheNewStatesman!
What!? I have never ever seen anyone eat sushi with their hands in Japan. Is it a rural or status thing or something? I can only imagine the looks I would get if I ate in Sushiro or somewhere using my hands!

Fargo you sound great. It's sad how this thread has panned out, but I'm glad it's helped you see what you want to do next

[Fabraine]

Sound like the last chopstick straw. Good luck with your new life, you don't need someone in your life who belittles you.

[Eschra]

YANBU. While in Japan and certain cultural restaurants it would be noted that you weren't able to use chopsticks when choosing to go to another culture's restaurant (particularly if in areas with a high population of that culture where the restaurant isn't necessarily aimed at the Western culture specifically, it would be considered the height of loss of face to comment to a guest and make thrm uncomfortable.bin Japan it eould be she that lose face over it not you for the public display of manners or lack thereof. TBH I'd be pissed off with DP and the so called "friend".
As an aside to people like @MrsFrimble as a Cerebral Palsy myself please don't presume on my behalf that CP not brought up in Asian countries can't cope with learning chopsticks. I'm the only member of my family that can competently and I'm entirely self taught from early teens in the days long before youtube or the idiot guides book it's not hard at all.
However that aside, manners and etiquette require that a shortcoming should never be commented on. If like me you want to learn more and be multicultural in a now multicultural world where culture boundaries re very blurred by my get and good on you, but lose sleep over it because of the behaviour of two twats. That said I would say to anyone when in another cultures restaurant please do ask and try. It's a great way to break the ice by trying to emulate the full experience.

[CallieG]

That bitch was just plain rude, good grief, not being able to use chopsticks is very low on the ladder rungs of culture , Queen Victoria was very cultured, a patron of the arts a lover of Opera, theater and art I don't think she ever touched a chopstick in her life. Your DP's mates wife is a stuck up cow. Let her eat

[lardyscouse]

[I never mastered the English art of eating peas with the back of your fork. When I was first shown after arrival in the UK, I thought people were having me on. (For fellow foreigners and uncultured people: you are supposed to impale a couple of peas, then squish some more onto the back of the prongs of your fork grin grin grin Don't try this unless you are really nimble fingered and cultured.)]

I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It may taste rather funny, but it keeps them on the knife.

[beautygal29]

What a b*tch! I think I would have responded by saying no but I can do this with them and inserted them in her nostrils!

[litlest1]

I suspect that she is one of these people that needs to put people down to make herself feel big.

[Hissy]

Oh how I wished I could have been there to set her and her complete lack of class/manners damned straight.

Ending things with him is the best thing for you, you don't need to explain a thing other than you don't love him anymore and that you are both very different people.

What he thinks of you is not important. What you think of yourself is the only thing that matters.

[user789653241]

I haven't read all the thread, but true manner for eating sushi is with your fingers I believe.
Eating sushi with chopstick is modern culture.

[BananaThePoet]

Thumbwitchesabroad is entirely correct: Really, "I no longer love him" is absolutely a good enough reason to end it. It truly is. You have no need to stay with someone when you don't love them, none at all. Good luck with the split, I think you'll feel so much better once you're free.

I would learn to use chopsticks and every time you do thank them for being tricky little buggers that helped you see the light and move on. Somewhere in the future will be someone who cherishes you and respects you (someone other than yourself ) as you deserve. I hope you have a very happy Christmas having kicked mister snarkypants to the kerb. He and his shallow pals deserve each other but you FargoFS deserve better.

[GrumpyOlBag72]

she is rude, how you eat your meal is your own business. Its not part of your culture, it isn't your dining style so why should you?
I hate watching people struggle with them because they feel that they ought to.. they end up spreading their meal everywhere, it gets cold etc etc
in my experience restaurants would rather hand out western cutlery rather than clear up or someone not enjoy their meal!

[Jacqui80]

They are the ignorant ones! Anybody who makes fun of someone for something so insignificant is a bully. Ridiculous behaviour from a grown adult! Don't let her get to you - she should feel ashamed not you!

[Marynary]

I always used chopsticks in my 20s but nowadays I use a knife and fork or spoon because it is the easier option for me. Only idiots like your DPs friend struggle with chopsticks for the sake of looking cultured.

[OhBigHairyBollocks]

I can't use chopsticks. Not for lack of trying! I can't ride a bike very well either. Perhaps the two go hand in hand

In all seriousness OP, LTB.

[ValiantMouse]

I can use chopsticks perfectly well, unless my RSI is really bad in which case I lose feeling in my fingers. I'd have rammed one up each of her nostrils.

[LetGoOrBeDragged]

Why would you use chopsticks when there is a perfectly good fork available?

There is nothing wrong with a British person, who is eating in Britain, using the normal cutlery for here. Even if the food is not British.

I think your 'friend' is a pretentious twat. I wouldn't be socialising with her again. I agree with the poster who said that being drunk just brings out what is already there. She was being a bitch.

I would also be getting to the bottom of why your dh thinks you are over reacting and whether he is ashamed of you.

[LetGoOrBeDragged]

Sorry OP. Missed your post about not loving him anymore. That is an excellent reason for leaving him.

[Welshmaman]

Interestingly we had a Japanese boy stay with us on an exchange visit and he would cut his food up into little pieces with the knife and fork that we put on the table and then use his chopsticks to eat it. Not a problem - it just depends what you are used to! I don't really think that the implements you use to eat show how cultured you are!!

[Baconyum]

He isn't a good man! A good man is supportive and never condescending or patronising!

[TheNewStatesman]

Tneconni, I can only assume that it must be a regional thing, because it's very usual to eat sushi with your hands where I am. I'm in Tokyo and I eat lots of sushi in lots of different places!

It tends to be rather commoner among men than women, and is perhaps commoner with the more expensive places (I don't mean top-end sushi, but say, an actual sushi restaurant rather than kaiten-zushi). But for any type of diner in any type of restaurant, it is basically "fine" to use either your fingers or chopsticks.

I prefer fingers as I find sushi tends to fall apart somewhat when picked up with chopsticks.

[BadLad]

I've lived in Tokyo for 15 years and have never seen sushi eaten with hands, either in a restaurant or at someone's house. Perhaps it is in expensive sushi restaurants. I'm not enough of a fan of sushi to go to expensive places. But it certainly is not "usual" to eat it with fingers in Tokyo.

[HeadDreamer]

badlad I mentioned the same re sushi upthread. It seems to be bad information perpetuated here to suit some posters. Fact is sushi is eaten with chopsticks in Japan. Just saying it louder and louder doesn't change the fact. It's obvious to anyone who's been to Japan.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

The way I remember it from a year in Japan over ten years ago is maybe chopsticks are used to take a piece of sushi from a central shared platter but then fingers may be used to actually pick it up and eat it as can be quite unwieldy with chopsticks? What do others think? - I admit my memories are hazy

[BananaThePoet]

this is a link to a YouTube about the best sushi restaurant in the world. It has Michelin stars and is where President Obama went to have sushi on an official visit. At around 1minute 20 seconds into the video it very clearly explains the do's and don'ts of sushi eating and using fingers to eat is stated to be a Do.

[TheNewStatesman]

Christ almighty.

I have lived in Japan a decade and a half. I speak and write Japanese fluently.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY FINE TO USE EITHER HANDS OR CHOPSTICKS FOR SUSHI IN JAPAN.

www.google.co.jp/#q=寿司%E3%80%80お箸%E3%80%80手

A quick Google search will reveal that both options are considered absolutely fine. Some people prefer one, some prefer the other. Neither is "wrong" or bad etiquette.

As for the OP's question--I recommend persisting with chopsticks as they are an interesting and civilized way to eat all sorts of things. However, mocking someone for being unable to use them will always be uncivilized. :)