To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

[FargoFGS]

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

[Apathyisthenewblah]

She was rude not you. I'm uncultured - I can't ride a bike!!

[Mrsfrumble]

That's fabulous, HeadDreamer, if folks with arthritis, cerebral palsy or MS use chopsticks in Asian countries. I expect if you've used them every day for your whole life you can overcome the difficulty. But do you really expect people with those conditions - who live in places where chopsticks will probably only be used occasionally - to put up with being insulted because they don't want to struggle?

[lovemyway]

She sounds awful. How rude!

[ArmchairTraveller]

HeadDreamer, I remember being startled by a couple of friends (mother and daughter) eating with chopsticks. They were Cantonese, held the bowl about 6" from their mouths and shoveled the food in with chopsticks as an enormous speed.
I had no idea if this was the cultured way to do it or not, but it looked both efficient and uncomplicated.

[CoraPirbright]

Growing up, we never ate Chinese food as my mother didn't like it. Then as a student, couldn't really afford it. So I was in my mid-twenties until I got to grips with chopsticks and I am far from uncultured/ill-educated or whatever. This woman was rude and a total bitch. I would not be making plans for meeting up with them again any time soon and your dp needs to examine his behaviour too. I couldn't be with a man who didn't respect me.

[SiegeofEnnis]

I was seventeen before I ever tasted Chinese food, it has just occurred to me. The reason I remember is that it was the day of my grandfather's funeral and a considerably more middle-class than us uncle decided we'd all had enough of funeral sandwiches and went out and ordered Singapore Chow Mein and beef in black bean sauce. My poor parents, who wouldn't know Chinese food from a hole in the ground, were baffled. If you'd given them chopsticks, they'd have died.

I was eighteen and at university before I tasted pasta. It was spaghetti Bolognese at my friend's aunt's house, and I felt very sophisticated once I had mastered the technique of not getting a tennis-ball sized tangle of pasta on my fork.

[ArmchairTraveller]

That's it, Siege. The best place to discover new food and new ways of eating is with friends.
Sadly, the OP wasn't with friends. Not even her arse of a DP had the willingness to put her at her ease and enable her to have a relaxing evening.
Now she feels embarrassed, when she should be feeling pissed-off.
Never mind OP, I'm annoyed enough for both of us.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Funny I was just going to mention spag bol Siege ....

to say that Chinese food was my first taste of anything exotic, when my DF would occasionally bring home a take-away for a special occasion. Such a treat! The nearest we'd come to anything exotic otherwise was DM's spag bol - with really long spagetti! - or chicken taragon with rice which we all adored

Still no chop-sticks in sight though, not in the 70's in our house

[TheComforter]

Cutlery is a sign of a civilized and developed society.

Hmm. Got an OECD source for that? Of course you can be a developed society and still use chopsticks. I can't even believe I am typing that.

[ArmchairTraveller]

'Cutlery is a sign of a civilized and developed society.'

Have you no idea of how civilised and cultured the Chinese were at a time when Europe was much less so? It's an odd indicator to choose.

[Tneconni]

Yy HeadDreamer I came on to say the same about sushi in Japan - you will get very odd looks if you eat it with your fingers. It's not normal to eat sushi with your fingers at all, no matter how traditional it may be.
Some gaijin use the chopsticks to split their food into bitesized pieces so they only have to pick up a little bit at a time. This is viewed as childish
I can only imagine how batshit insane your standard host family must think you were if you started grabbing at nigiri with your mitts.

Also: But do you really expect people with those conditions - who live in places where chopsticks will probably only be used occasionally - to put up with being insulted because they don't want to struggle?

Wtf!? Who was suggesting this?

[whois]

A while ago I was in NZ and at a tourist meal thing. There were loads of Japanese tourists there.

Lots of the children couldn't use the knoves and forks and were being shown how by their parents, and some adults couldn't use them either. Lots of asking for a spoon was going on.

So, don't feel bad because you can't use chopsticks.

[LittleFeileFooFoo]

YANBU, she is the uncultured one!

[Mrsfrumble]

I originally commented about medical conditions that might make using chopsticks difficult to highlight just how rude and inappropriate the OP's dining companion was to comment (although she was rude and inappropriate anyway; even if she's physically capable of using chopsticks, the OP has every right to choose not to without being called uncultured).

HeadDreamer seemed to imply that because people affected by arthritis in Asia manage fine, this shouldn't be an "excuse" for someone in the UK not to use chopsticks.

My mum was not a frequent or confident user of chopsticks before developing arthritis in her hands, but would give it a go. Now she simply can't get her fingers to grip and flex as she needs to, so chopsticks are out. There are all sorts of reasons for requesting a fork in the OP's position. A lack of culture probably isn't one of them.

Anyway, I'm probably rather off a tangent by now. Suffice to say chopstick-nonsense woman was rude, and unsupportive-sniggering husband sounds a bit of a dick too.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

I was at a Japanese restaurant once filled with only Japanese families (and me), and the waiters added a cork and rubber band to the chopsticks for the kiddies: turning them into pincer things, like tweezers.

See, nobody is expected to know how to use them properly when they're just beginners. Even those born into chopstick-using cultures will struggle at first. Absolutely no biggie.

[RB68]

next time the response is " not as uncultured as those that point it out" or "not as uncultured as getting so ratarsed you are rude to those around you" or something of that ilk - life's to short to worry about her sort - forget it and put the bloody chop sticks away - who cares who can/can't eat with'em

[talkinpeace]

I wonder if OPs friend uses a fish knife

[FargoFGS]

This has turned into a massive row in our house. DP laughing and me shouting trying to explain my position.

[Sansoora]

Fargo he sounds like a right arse to be quite honest and I think this is a row that needs to happen.

[FargoFGS]

I would honestly LTB over this were it not that our tenancy terminates in 2 months.

[FargoFGS]

Well less than two months, just before 2016. Bastard.

[Sansoora]

Im not usually one for LTB but whats gone on isn't nice at all and I do think you need to be thinking about your future.

Can I ask what difficulties you may face re the tenancy agreement? I don't live in the Uk so Im not really up on these things.

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Oh dear. He does sound knobbish. Any redeeming qualities?

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

And fwiw, I was out for sushi with close friends on Saturday and one of my friends said she couldn't use chopsticks as we were ordering. As it happened, we tried to demonstrate but she was afraid she'd ruin her nice dress, and her noodles came with a fork, so she used that. And guess what? No one cared! Certainly no one mocked. Arseholes, the lot of them!

[OnlyLovers]

Oh, leave it. Neither he nor she sounds worth arguing over.

Next time he suggests going out with them, just give a Paddington hard stare and say 'After last time? I don't think so.'