To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

[FargoFGS]

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

YANBU OP.

It appears that I am the only person I know who can't use chopsticks. I've tried and I just can't do it - I suspect I'm dispraxic, so I don't know if that's it (I think that's the word - poor balance, extreme clumsiness and difficulty with fiddly things - I can tie shoe laces in the conventional manner either).

The irony for me is that I am probably the most adventurous eater I know and will eat anywhere that serves decent quality food and spends ages waiting round for other people to say 'well they might not have anything that I like.

Like a PP, I'd rather just ask for a fork than spend ages eating my food very slowly while dropping most of it all over my lap/clothes/face etc.

None of my friends/colleagues/restaurant staff that I've eaten with have ever made me feel uncomfortable and I suspect that most restaurants have plenty of fork users.

Wanna go out for noodles and eat them using forks?

SiegeofEnnis They aren't an awful couple. Up until then I held them in quite high regard. We often go out together and whilst in the past she's picked up on my not drinking I can't say a bad word about their previous conduct. I suspect my DP might feel slightly embarrassed in company because why would he otherwise have given it a second thought. I know I'm over-thinking it but I wish I'd had a smart reply. I just kind of sat there looking askance.

Yy sushi should be eaten with fingers anyway, so she was doubly rude and uncultured herself

Absolutely not uncultured to not know how to use chopsticks. My friend lives in Japan and still can't use them!

You are not uncultured - she was exceedingly rude!

I can use chopsticks, because I happen to have learned that skill, not because I am so cultured.

Bill Bryson's quote about chopsticks makes me laugh:

"And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food?"

there's a Chinese restaurant we go to occasionally who, as soon as they see non-Chinese, whip away the chopsticks and replace them with forks .

Well I can't use chopsticks, ride a bike or swim. Wonder what she'd make of me!!!

She's breathtakingly rude, drunk or not.

I'd be disappointed if your DP had been trying to change the reservation because he was scared you'd 'embarrass' him about the chopsticks; and I am disappointed that he didn't tell her to put a sock in it.

When/if you go out again I'd be decidedly frosty.

Sniggering at you?

Well, she certain lacks grace and manners that's for sure a decent person would never do that.

I have tortured myself by using chop sticks to eat rice bowl in Sukiya in Tokyo, for my own amusement and for the challenge. But they supply forks freely there too.

Some things, you use spoons or fingers anyway.

I think these people are just rude and ignorant.

I live in Asia so have chopsticks in restaurants quite a lot. And I'm crap with them. Sometimes I ask for a fork, sometimes I struggle on to the amusement of the locals. I know I'm not uncultured - it's just different from my deep rooted norm and that's accepted. She's a dick.

Sounds like it was an ideal time for poking a chopstick in her eye and following up with an 'oh dear, I'm just finding them so tricky to get the hang of'.

Ridiculous lack of grace, empathy, perspective, and humour in her behaviour!
How rude of her
I lived in Japan (stealth boast ) and am still not that good with chopsticks - especially with rice. Love the Bill Bryson quote SDTG

I'm ethnic Chinese, so unsurprisingly very adept with chopsticks, but I would never comment (let alone snigger) if someone couldn't use them. She was just rude!

Just call her 'Chopsticks' from now on or something. or joshingly go on about how drunk she must've been the last time you met as she was insisting on being really mean about you using a fork (this way you can always slip the fingers thing in too).

To be honest if she's 'picked up' on you not drinking before she sounds very dull and sheep-like.

Blimey it seems that this is a much bigger deal than it should be-for both your husband and your "friend".

I'm not very good with them so would probably have done it for a while & then given up.

Clearly the woman involved was being extremely rude and snide.

That said I'm fairly at how many people here can't use chop sticks. They aren't rocket science, and not like they are super rare either.

I would be telling her that I would not be dining out with them again as she was a rude drunk ill mannered cunt

And only learn how to use chopsticks if YOU wish. Dont do it for others

I can't believe you missed the chance to say "of course I can use chopsticks" and then hold one upright in a clenched fist for an exaggerated middle finger gesture.

I will now attempt to make a post without any typos

I'm quite unnerved by how put out I feel over the whole occasion. I feel as if I'd happily never go out with them again for the rest of my life.

DP thinks I should get over it and it was just a bit of a joke not to be taken seriously. But he can't seem to explain why he wanted to change the venue. He thinks I'm over-thinking it and it was nothing more sinister than him just fancying something else. I'm sure this is a lie. I just know it.

NuggetofPurestGreen Perhaps we can found our own group. It never occurred to me that knowing how to swim or ride a bike makes one cultured until Saturday.

Where were you people when someone sniggered in a thread about sushi not being finger food????

I'd just make sure I went out for dinner with them at a sushi place and tell them off for eating it with chopsticks.

But she is not nice if she has picked on you for not drinking as well.

It's like riding a bike?? Really?? As in once you learn, you never forget?

But what if you never learned?

BadLad It's only now I'm thinking of all the brilliant replies I could have given instead of shrinking into myself. The other 2 found her hilarious.

Yeah, sorry, what I meant by "I can't believe you missed the chance to" was "What I would love to have done was to"

She was rude, but you don't have to take it to heart. So you're not great with chopsticks, who cares? Of course you're not uncultured, you have your own culture, there's not a law that says you have to be automatically brilliant at everyone else's. Your culture involves forks which are just as good.

There's nothing wrong with brazening out this kind of situation. Instead of feeling embarrassed, just laugh it off "Oh trust me you don't want me using chopsticks, unless you fancy flying food all over you. It's not my strong point – but you're fantastic at it!" Suddenly being brilliant at using chopsticks will start to look like what it is – not that important.

DP thinks I should get over it and it was just a bit of a joke not to be taken seriously.

He needs to get a grip. Drunk people tend to say what they really think, in my experience, so I don't reckon this was a joke at all. And it made you the butt of the "fun" leaving you feeling upset, so again, not a joke.

And if your DP is embarrassed that you can't use chopsticks, then he's the one being stupid.